Size, preference and honesty
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Size, preference and honesty
| Mon, 01-10-2005 - 1:47pm |
I've been hanging around here for a little while now and I have read many comments to the effect that if a woman feels her partner's penis is too small, she shouldn't tell him.

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I agree with and respect the majority of your comments.
But I believe that a woman's sexual gratification and overall satisfaction is less about size, than the whole package or relationship. Sometimes, we're willing to accept that a partner may not fit a "standard" we have in our mind if the feelings are real and the overall relationship is satisfying.
But his size might become a factor if they're not. And since few people would meet every single idea of perfection we each may have, that's where love comes in and why they say that "love is blind." I do realize that you're talking about a new relationship in your own case though.
I once casually dated a friend that I found terribly attractive but he was shorter than me. I didn't think it bothered me until I found that jokes and comments from our friends, etc. embarrassed me more than they should have. I had to admit to myself that I didn't have real feelings for this guy and break it off. However, this wasn't a sexual relationship.
I didn't want it to be about his height but it was, so I can understand having preferences that may interfere with a new relationship. But I wanted to do the right thing and break it off before things got more serious. Of course, I never said it was about his height but I'm sure he already knew.
Honesty is very important in a relationship and I value it as well, but it's not more important than compassion. So as long as it's always tempered with sensitivity, we can discuss almost anything without doing great harm.
I just don't ascribe to the "scorched earth" approach to honesty. I don't care if a man DOES want to know if it's his penis size or not, I don't want to make it difficult for him in the next relationship he may have. I don't think it's necessary to place that insecurity or self doubt in his mind. After all, he may have never had this kind of complaint before.
And no, this isn't about lying to coddle the male ego, it's about taking the gentle and kind approach and letting someone down easily, which I'm sure everyone can appreciate. Also, the criticism is about something he can't change anyway, so what good will it serve to tell him?
But for me, personally, penis size has never been an issue because it's not the only source of my pleasure.
Edited 1/14/2005 4:36 pm ET ET by katmandoo2001
Nikki
I think we'll just have to respectfully agree to have a difference in our approaches on this one. (smile)
But let me say this: if I tell a man he is not my physical type, it should not be such a crushing blow to his manhood that it ruins him for all future relationships. I'm just one woman. Just because I feel he's too small for me doesn't mean EVERY woman will feel that way. I do believe it's more difficult for a man with a small penis, but there are worse things than that. It's just the way it is. Better to accept it, learn to be OK with it and know how to compensate, as well as be prepared that some women will not prefer you and choose to move on. It's better than trying to delude oneself (and I have seen men do this). Or living in fear that somebody is going to say the dreaded words that shatter your world.
On the other hand, if someone pressed me to tell him the truth about my personal preference, I don't see why or how I could lie, as long as I say it compassionately (which of course I did). If he's really that insecure, he is free to tell himself that the problem is my vagina is too big!! (LOL!)
Again, I think men (and apparently women) are holding penis size out to be too much of a sacred issue. It's a body part... it's not WHO the man is. If you're in love with a man with a small penis, I hope you fell in love with the person, not his genitals.
I really am amusing myself with this whole discussion, because it has NOTHING to do with my present circumstances. My man is no King Kong but he's JUST RIGHT, for me. And our physical compatibility is just one of the things that helped us to get to the point of love.
Edited 1/14/2005 5:50 pm ET ET by jajalel
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"Just because I feel he's too small for me, doesn't mean every woman will feel that way."
And that's just my point, we're talking about opinion which means he could take it the worst way, no matter how nicely you try to say it. Insecurity can come from being criticized for something that you cannot change or improve. So can resentment and anger. Which is why I just think it's completely unnecessary to bring size into the discussion at all.
"And I think men (and apparently women) are holding penis size out to be too much of a sacred issue."
Well, if you don't own a penis then you can't really say how YOU would feel about being judged this way, can you? And since I don't have a penis, either, then I can only judge by how I would feel in the same situation and how I personally would prefer it to be handled. When you can spare someone's feelings, then I think you should. It's not being dishonest, it's being tactful, IMO.
You can ask most men, and they'll tell you that being judged by their size, by someone they care about, is a fear they all have, to some degree. And while we KNOW their penis size is not representative of WHO they are as individuals, it IS a great part of their sexual identity as men.
"IF you're in love with a man with a small penis, I hope you fell in love with the man, not his genitals."
None of this discussion applies to me either, I just believe in treating others the way I would want to be treated. My DH is average sized but even if he wasn't, I would still be happy with him and his penis since, as I said before, it's not the only way I am pleased in bed. And we loved one another long before we got naked together so no matter the size he revealed the 1st time, I was in the relationship for the long haul and it's been 28 happy yrs. now.
Edited 1/14/2005 6:10 pm ET ET by katmandoo2001
"Penis size is just one factor, important to some.....unimportant to others." Well, yes, I think we're all in agreement about that.
The argument is whether you should TELL your too small guy that that's WHY you're dumping him!
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