Slut?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2006
Slut?
35
Fri, 12-22-2006 - 1:15am

I have a friend that until recently I thought to be promisquous. However, after she told me that she had a "great" weekend, sleeping with three different guys in three days, I couldn't help but question what I thought. The first guy she is in a "relationship" with. (the relationship is just for sex as far as she is concerned. Im not sure of his view) The second guy is a co-worker. Christmas party aftermath. The third is an ex she has been on and off fighting with for past year. She had a hotel room and mentioned to her ex she was alone in the room. He just shows up un-announced and the deed was done. Im not sure what to think of this. If it was a story I heard of someone else I would probably say "what a slut". Am i over re-acting or is she slutty?

Thanks in advance for any comments.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2004
In reply to: kiloguy
Fri, 12-29-2006 - 11:44am

There is nothing that states a woman cannot enjoy sex for exactly that...sex. I am not of the camp that believes that women are built for emotionally-attached sex only. I believe that we are capable of both (depending on her desires at the moment). What I do believe is that social constraints and social stigmas have "melded" womens' sexual "appetite." For example, there is a relationship between "trust" and "sex." Many women will not have "sex" with a man that they do not trust will "respect" them, so they therefore, will only have sex with men they can trust. So, it's not that they wouldn't naturally desire sex for purely physical gratification with a man that they are attracted to, it's that there are environmental elements that interfere (therefore, giving the impression that she only desires sex where there is "emotional" closeness). Anyhow....

I personally do not see her behavior as all that "loose" either. She knows all of the contestants....in other words, she has some type of "relationship" with each them. However, she is taking high-health risks...and that's something that should be of concern, and may even speak to her character.

...I've had that hotel fantasy before (and some take-offs of it), btw.... ;-)




Edited 12/29/2006 12:54 pm ET by rain_dancer_iam
Imagination is more important than knowledge." (Albert Einstein )
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
In reply to: kiloguy
Fri, 12-29-2006 - 12:10pm

<<"Maybe we're not supposed to enjoy it with someone we love.">>


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2004
In reply to: kiloguy
Fri, 12-29-2006 - 12:30pm
You tend to agree? Really? I would think that anyone who made that statement, never really experienced great sex with someone they love...oh....wait....uh...yes, I forgot for a moment to whom I was speaking.. ;-)



Edited 12/29/2006 12:31 pm ET by rain_dancer_iam
Imagination is more important than knowledge." (Albert Einstein )
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-26-2001
In reply to: kiloguy
Fri, 12-29-2006 - 8:33pm
I guess you had to see the movie to know the context behind why he said what he did. I also can see that 'supposed to' is a bit of an overstatement, but I definitely understood where he was coming from. Just because you love someone doesn't mean that sex with them is going to be great, or even good. I'm guessing that people like you who think that sex WITHOUT love is 'empty' or 'meaningless' must also believe that sex WITH love is always awesome, right?
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-26-2001
In reply to: kiloguy
Fri, 12-29-2006 - 8:36pm

Why? Why does loving someone automatically mean that sex with them is going to be good?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-20-2004
In reply to: kiloguy
Fri, 12-29-2006 - 8:38pm
I never said all casual sex is bad, but I believe too much of a good thing is indicative of other things going on in a persons head.(ie; ego, respect, fear of committment etc.)In my case sex with my wife is almost always awesome. I dont need the rush of newness to have good sex. I have had casual sex, really great casual sex...But 5 minutes after its over I feel the same as I would if I had stayed home and masturbated.No contentment, no emotion, no desire to get close and cuddle. its all mechanical.Sex with someone you love is almost always familiar, but that is what is awesome about sex with the one you love..Both of you learn to communicate during sex, the familiarity is what makes most sessions great sex...I guess some people are addicted to the rush of newness and the unexpected. I`ll take great orgasmic sex with emotion , love, and afterglow any day over the alternative.


Edited 12/29/2006 8:47 pm ET by humpdaddy
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-26-2001
In reply to: kiloguy
Fri, 12-29-2006 - 8:41pm
Somehow, I'm having difficulty believing that your forgot that for even an instant, LOL.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
In reply to: kiloguy
Fri, 12-29-2006 - 9:14pm
It doesn't mean

bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2004
In reply to: kiloguy
Fri, 12-29-2006 - 9:20pm

"Why? Why does loving someone automatically mean that sex with them is going to be good?"

And why did you suggest the converse? That sex WITH someone you love just cannot ever be good?

Imagination is more important than knowledge." (Albert Einstein )
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2004
In reply to: kiloguy
Fri, 12-29-2006 - 9:45pm

...the deliberate stranger, Hump?

"Sex with someone you love is almost always familiar, but that is what is awesome about sex with the one you love."

I so agree. I have been with my husband for 28 years and I still get all tingly when he calls me, or enters the room. Even after all of that time, the night before last, I couldn't sleep. I was "antsy." All I had to do was touch him and say: "Are you awake? I can't sleep because I'm horny." His response was: "You make me crazy....I want to _______ you and I love doing ______ to you...." and my favorite "I love kissing you." (while he devours my mouth.) We had beautiful, crazy, FAMILIAR sex. I still love to look at him, taste him, smell him, and touch him. It's just as exciting as the first time we had sex, only it's better now because we are so comfortable with each other. I get crazy when people suggest that sex gets stagnant, mundane, and familiar with time. I want to scream and tell them they're nuts. That they cannot possibly know of what they speak. My mouth waters when I think about having sex with him.

Do you want to know what I love the most? When right after you just had sex you then go on and about with your life and then he ups and looks at you from amongst the bustle with so much love, admiration, and gratitude...;-) that you can "feel" all of that eminate, just from his eyes. You can't get "that" from a stranger. I feel that when you love someone, sex is on a whole different "plane" altogether from casual sex. Never the twain shall meet....ya know? ;-)




Edited 12/29/2006 9:54 pm ET by rain_dancer_iam
Imagination is more important than knowledge." (Albert Einstein )