Smoking to blame??

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2003
Smoking to blame??
8
Thu, 11-30-2006 - 12:58am
Hello, everyone. I'm new here! I have a dilemma with a new boyfriend, and I was hoping someone could enlighten me about how to handle it! We recently began having sex, and I was very intrigued to discover he has a curved penis! The dilemma, though, is that I didn't get to experience it at it's full potential...because he seemed to have problems maintaining an erection. Now, I should also mention that right now, he smokes a pack a day, and I'm suspecting that the smoking might be the issue, but it was quite disappointing! I mean, we ended up having OK sex, but it was awkward because of the fact that he wouldn't stay hard very long. I'm not even sure how to talk to him about it and tell him it's an issue! He seems to think that everything is OK. I did briefly mention it the last time we were together, but I am just afraid I'm going to offend him, since this relationship is still quite new. I have already been on his case about the smoking, and I told him that it's affecting his erections, but we didn't talk about it in depth. I just don't know where to go from here! I'm curious if the fact that his penis is curved has anything to do with it, but I'm thinking it's probably more because of the smoking. The first time we had sex, it was obvious how out of shape his lungs are, because he almost threw up because of the exertion! I am the first one he's been with in over a year, and before that he was with the same woman for about 15 years, so I'm also wondering if maybe it is just overwhelming for him right now, and maybe that is affecting his ability to maintain an erection.
Can anyone give me some enlightenment and advice about my situation? It's a very frustrating situation! Thanks ~Sabrina
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
Thu, 11-30-2006 - 1:29am

Well, the smoking has nothing to do with the curve in his penis. Some naturally curve left, some curve right, some go up and down. Perfectly normal. What isn't normal as far as curves in a penis go is a severe curve that can make intercourse difficult or painful. That's caused by something called Peyronie's Disease and can be quite a problem with little chance of a completely successful cure. Before you go away thinking that he has this, it causes extreme bends in a penis and since you've already had sex successfully, he probably hasn't got that.

The strength of his erections will be affected by smoking. It sounds like he must 35+ years old and he WILL experience problems with his erections if he is a smoker. Sure, he'll be able to get it up but they won't be as hard as they could be. He won't notice it because he's been smoking for so long and he doesn't know the difference.

Having said that, there is also the possiblity that the new relationship is a bit overwhelming and nervousness is partly to blame too. I wouldn't bet on it though. My bet is on the smoking being the main cause.

Like any addiction smoking is not something that he will just be able to give up at a moments notice. He may never give it up and that's something that you have to consider. Do NOT go into this relationship thinking that you can turn him into a non-smoker. That'd be nice, but don't bet on it. You have to accept that he will probably remain a smoker the entire time that you know him and that you won't be able to change him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2003
Thu, 11-30-2006 - 1:46am

Hey, thanks for the reply. I do know that the curve has nothing to do with smoking, I was just mentioning that it's a shame he can't get a full erection because I know that the way his penis is curved, it will be very pleasurable when it's hard enough LOL! When I was on top, I think it might have even hit my g-spot, but it didn't last very long like that because it didn't stay hard very long!

You are right, he is 36 years old. I am actually not too sure how long he's been smoking, but I do know that it's only been recently that he's been smoking a lot more, due to a big promotion he got recently and the stress related to that. From the sounds of it, though, he's been a smoker for a long time, but not necessarily smoking a pack a day until recently.

I appreciate your point about not going into the relationship expecting to change him. I have learned from past relationships that it is not possible to change someone, and I don't expect I'll be able to change him. I do have hope that I will be a positive influence that could encourage him to at least limit his smoking, because I am a nurse, and he has already cut down because he knows I am against it. The fact that he's already making this change shows me that he cares enough about me to try! I don't expect that it will be easy, but I will stand by him and help any way I can. I am just disappointed that our sex life will be affected by his choice to smoke, and if he wants to continue to smoke then it will definately be an issue in our relationship, if it lasts. It's still pretty new, and probably too early to be thinking about such things anyway!

Thanks for the reply ~Sabrina

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2005
Thu, 11-30-2006 - 1:52am

It's very possible his erection problem(s) are due to nervousness in a new relationship.

Smoking is blamed for everything from erections to ingrown toenails. My SO is 72, and has smoked all his life and he has no problems with erections. So, go figure. Everyone knows smoking is bad for you, but nagging a person isn't going to make them stop. Like any other addiction, he has to WANT to quit....and even then, it's difficult.

It's a new relationship, he's been celibate for over a year....so give him a chance to get used to you and the relationship.

Penises come in all kinds of sizes, shapes and curvatures. THAT has nothing to do with smoking.....it's just the way he is.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2003
Thu, 11-30-2006 - 2:03am
First of all, I am definately not complaining about the curve...LOL! I look forward to experiencing it to it's full potential eventually! And I know that it's not caused by the smoking. I am a non-smoker and a health care professional, so I do not approve of smoking for those reasons. And nicotine has different effects on different people, so maybe some smokers experience erectile disfunction, and some don't.
Also, I am not planning to "nag" him...he has already told me before we even met in person that he wanted to quit, but then he got a promotion and has been quite stressed for the last month. I am hoping that since I am a nurse, I will have a positive influence on him, but if not I guess I'll have to either accept it or not be with him! We'll have to see how it goes, our relationship is still very new. ~Sabrina
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2006
Thu, 11-30-2006 - 2:44pm
While I am not a doctor, I would say yes that the fact the he smokes a pack a day is the reason he can't maintain an erection. Smoking constricts the blood vessels throughout the body and since blood flow to the penis is what causes erections when a man becomes sexually aroused the blood flow to his penis is lilely being constricted. That and the fact that he nearly threw up when you had intercourse is a sign that he should see a doctor and better yet, he should quit smoking now! I watched my brother die of lung cancer after he smoked for 35 years and he found out he had it after he had quit. Talk to him, be diplomatic, but let him know you are concerned about his health. By the way, I don't smoke so there is no hypocrisy. Good luck.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2006
Thu, 11-30-2006 - 2:50pm
I do realize that smoking is not an easy habit to shake, but it would be far better if he did. There are plenty of ways to do so and the sooner the better. It would be better if had never started in the first place, but he will need help to quit. My mother lived to be 80 but she did die of emphysema and she smoked for 50 years.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-20-2004
Thu, 11-30-2006 - 7:44pm
He is probably just nervous...36 is still rather young to have E.D but it does happen, especially when a man is out of shape, and smokes. Smoking effects different people differently.. Some die from it and some never have a problem with it....A man once asked a 94 year old George Burns if his doctor ever told him to stop smoking cigars..George said ,"yeah he used to tell me that but he doesnt any more"...The man asked," He used to tell you that"?..And George said, "yes he used to , but my doctor died"....lol
Remember you dont necessarily have to "settle", there is viagra type meds out there.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2003
Fri, 12-01-2006 - 1:05pm
A pack a day? Plus breathing in his second hand smoke long after the cigarette has been stubbed out? Actually, that is ALOT of carcinogens going into his body. Just MHO, but I would say that the cigarettes may be causing his problem.