So... confused? (help)
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| Sun, 04-03-2005 - 11:17am |
so... my boyfriend and i have been sexually active for about 8 months now, and i am currently off of the pill for numerous reasons so we resorted to using condoms, unfortunately he cannot keep it hard using a condom, and we never really get anywhere. im concerned if there is anything to do, i am happier sexually since i have been off the pill and have been able to orgasm easier (the one or two times he has been able to perform).....
also lately he hasnt been sexually interested in me, unless i am giving him head or we have having anal sex, but i read in his journal that there is a "really hot waitress that i wouldnt mind doing something with if i was single" working with him.... im scared because it seems he would have no problem doing something with her but i cannot turn him on anymore..
what can i do?

Sounds like the two of you better sit down and have a talk about your relationship.
we keep journals to tell each other how we are feeling when we are not together, he allows me to read his journals, it is what it is there for, but apparently he thought i would not feel hurt by this other girl, he is no longer working the same shifts as her which is satisfying, but at the same time he has cheated on his ex girlfriend with a co-worker, he says he regrets it, but i cannot get the image out of my head.
i have talked to him about not turning him on, he says he doesnt like sex as much because he feels inadequate, he cannot perform. the only reason for that before was because i was on the pill and it made orgasming harder so he always came before me, but since i have been off the pill the condom rarely does the trick.
i tried breaking off the relationship but he just would not accept it, and i do not want to end it with him i just feel that it would be better for the both of us if he were to mature more, and myself mature more before we take the relationship any farther.
i am young i am only 19, but i feel as though this is the person i want to be with for the rest of my life, he says he loves me, and buys me things and brings me out but i still feel like there is something he isnt telling me, i do not think he is cheating but i think there are things that he would like to say to me that he just cannot for some reason. he says he wants to compliment me all the time but hes afraid of how i will take it. i keep telling him its okay to compliment me and i compliment him all the time. i just feel that if our relationship was to end it would be a lot easier for him to get over me, than for me to get over him.
i just want to be able to turn him on and let him understand that he is not inadequate at all. (when we actually do have sex, it is great, and lately i have been having multiple orgasms, which is exciting, but its not as exciting for him anymore cuz it hurts me so he cant thrust to the point that it would make him cum and he cannot keep hard long enough using condoms)
please get back to me
"....IF I was single." Hopefully, his intent in writing this comment in his journal was to bring about some change in your sex life and NOT to hurt you. I can't imagine writing something like that in a journal I shared with my DH though.
But IF he's cheated before, this would concern me.
Talk with him and ask what his intent was for the comment about the waitress. Was he trying to warn you, scare you, or encourage a discusssion? And there are other barrier methods of contraception besides condoms. Maybe you should look into an alternative to condoms.
so, are you saying... once a cheater always a cheater? should i be scared. he told me he would never cheat on me, and that that is what he thinking at the time but he was never going to actually do anything with her, he was just thinking.. i guess ... like a guy.. he wasnt trying to scare me, or hurt me or anything he was just "being honest"
im concerned about other forms of contraceptive, if birth control isnt what is needed and condoms arent doing the job either.... hmm?
i love him and i want to spend my life with him... but is he worth it?
You said it when you said that you wish you were both more mature. You really don't trust him, and I think you're right not to. He cheated on his last g/f, and he's "speculating" what sex would be like with someone else. It really seems that your relationship revolves around the sex......when there is so much more to a relationship than sex, and orgasms. If he really wanted to, he could get over the condom problem, and there are other forms of b/c that you could look into, including other brands of the pill, shots, implants, patches, etc.
I don't understand the compliment thing. Why can't he compliment you? What's he afraid of? That doesn't make any sense.
It doesn't matter whether he would get over you faster, or you would get over him faster....that's not a factor in the decision to end a relationship.
Whether the waitress is just a fantasy, or he's really thinking about her, only he knows, but given his past history, it probably wouldn't take much for him to go for it. I guess it depends on whether or not she's interested, or willing.
Whatever the problems, you're not happy with him at this point. Only you can decide if staying with him is worth it, or not. If you have to be on pins and needles all the time, wondering who he's lusting after this week, I don't think it's worth it. Just my opinion.
i wish you were wrong... but i know you are right... i love him so much and i dont know what i would do without him. im scared of losing the only love in my life, i know he loves me, he just has a problem expressing himself.
thanks for everything
(and for him sex isnt a big part of the relationship...instead it doesnt mean anything, he would be completely happy without sex... but if he doesnt want me sexually... will we have a future?)
I'm saying that cheating once makes it easier to do again. I would imagine that his last GF also believed that he would be honest and monogamous as well, don't you?
And most men realize that it won't win them any favors by confessing an attraction to another woman. No, I believe he wanted you to read this for a reason. Perhaps to make you think that he is considering cheating or to get you to go back on the Pill. IF he's not getting enough stimulation with condoms, that could affect his erection and his overall satisfaction, as you stated yourself.
As far as whether he's "worth it" or not, only you can make that decision.
Edited 4/4/2005 11:02 am ET ET by katmandoo2001