Society, Sex, and Sexual Hang Ups

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2004
Society, Sex, and Sexual Hang Ups
11
Sun, 06-20-2004 - 12:43am
The recent insintuations that society is the reason why many people don't engage in sexual acts that are outside the realm of what's considered "normal", has got me wondering why people think this, and who *actually* believes it. Now, it seems that many think that it is somehow pushed to be "traditional", and that many people supress their true sexual feelings because of this. I happen to think that is entirely untrue. If anything, I think society has always pushed our boundaries, which I think have gotten farther and farther out. For instance, I think threesomes are becoming talked about alot more and have become very common place on TV. Porn is mentioned so casually, it is treated as no big deal. When I was growing up it was quite different. Look at how quickly people are to put down those who wish to abstain from something like threesomes, calling them jealous, close minded, prudish, etc. They are made to feel like they are uncool and uptight. I think right now, it isn't good to be traditional. You're square, boring. I will also say, that many of these people wear it like a badge, as if they are more sexually adventerous than everyone else. I also think society doesn't have alot of influence on people's personal choices, although I think to some extent it does. I think you're upbringing has the most affect. I had both sides. My Dad was very uptight, didn't talk to us about sex *ever* (except to scold us if we ever even hugged a male friend), but my mother talked alot(too much sometimes lol). She told us about threesomes she had been in etc. I was never taught that threesomes were wrong(my Dad never spoke to us about them), yet I still am not going to be in one. I don't find it to be a sexual hang up. What is everyone's thoughts on this? I am hoping to understand what it is that makes people think *jealous* or *close minded* when someone doesn't choose a less traveled road.

Leticia

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Sun, 06-20-2004 - 8:24am

Leticia,


I don't feel society plays a roll in it,


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-11-2004
Sun, 06-20-2004 - 11:15am
Adding my 2 cents:

What goes on behind closed doors is only my business; poo on what society thinks.

On one of the boards, a couple (STD clean) did a 3 some with a woman. It turned out she had genital herpes (GH). The couple got more than they bargined for: GH!

Besides STD's, I have read that one partner (of the couple having 3 some) becoming jealous of the new partner.

Have a "Safer Sex" day, Mac

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2003
Sun, 06-20-2004 - 11:49am
Society. What exactly does that term insinuate? IMO, it represents the mass consensus. You know..."Most men want..." or "Most women want."

I believe that the younger you are, the more susceptible you are to brainwashing. If one hears constantly(through social circles and the media) that "Most men want women who will participate in a threesome, then you will have many who will choose to conform/comply whether they really want to or not. There's so much pressure put on women to "live up" to what society expects of them sexually, in order to be accepted, and/or be "cool." The young thrive on acceptance. It's called peer pressure, and the media zeroes in on youth.

"Peers offer independence from the family, acceptance, a sense of personal worth, support in times of confusion, models for appropriate conduct in a complex world, and social identity. Many factors affect how peer influence feels and how the individual will respond to its force."The group bolsters the adolescent's sense of self-esteem", states Rebecca Stefoff. At one time or another, most adolescents choose to go along with group expectations in exchange for having their needs met."

Of course, a good-self-esteemed individual who knows that they would never be involved in a threesome, wouldn't participate or be swayed to participate, even if the result is that they're "uncool." They'd adhere to their own boundaries. The funny thing is, if they opened their eyes, they'd see past the obvious. That MOST men who are in committed relationships(loving), WOULD NOT want to participate in a threesome.

I don't think that monogomy is pushed, I think it's a choice that most of us make out of desire. I and my DH desire to be monogomous. It just happens to fit into the traditional role.

Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 06-20-2004 - 2:36pm
I think it's only a select few on this board who have stated their belief that society is behind all this "narrowmindedness" or "sexual jealousy" when it comes to threesomes, open marriages, etc. But haven't all kinds of deviations of the "norm" gone on since time began? It just wasn't talked about so openly, as you mentioned. This is certainly nothing new or novel about having multiple partners, though. Maybe the select few need some defense or justification of THEIR choices?

Yes, if "society" means people, then, we're affected by it, to a degree. But for the most part, we decide our own morals, standards or boundaries, however you choose to define them, by what works for us individually.

IF I'm going to feel morally compromised by doing something that SEEMS popular in the media or in society, then why would I do it? To appear "openminded?" To ME, that's allowing others to influence me too a greater degree than I'm comfortable with. I don't depend on society to decide what my core values or attitudes will be. About anything. It doesn't bother me, in the least, to go against the flow.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2004
Sun, 06-20-2004 - 2:47pm
>>I think it's only a select few on this board who have stated their belief that society is behind all this "narrowmindedness" or "sexual jealousy" when it comes to threesomes, open marriages, etc.<<

This is not to you specifically Kat, just wanted to clarify(since your post made me think of it) that I have no poster in particular in mind here, so I hope no one assumes I am talking about them.

Leticia

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2004
Sun, 06-20-2004 - 2:55pm
So far, you all seem to be confirming what I also believe, that society plays little to no role in what people choose for themselves. I also want to say that I am glad that this thread is going so maturely, since I was worried this might be a volatile topic.

Leticia

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2003
Mon, 06-21-2004 - 7:44am
Just from this board and all the threads titled "Is this normal?", it is clear that many people consider whether an act is normal before they participate.

Or they do it and don't feel comfortable doing it unless they know it is normal.

And that's ashame. Whatever the sexual act might be, if (a) you are comfortable doing it with your partner, (b) it brings you or him pleasure, (c) it isn't dangerous, then DO IT!

I think the current trends that are changing are more anal, more facials, and certainly more accaptance of lesbianism.

Perhaps it's a double standard that a girl can hook up with a girl and be considered cool and experimenting. But if a guy sucks one penis, he's still probably labeled gay forever!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-21-2004
Mon, 06-21-2004 - 9:19am
I think that the media is playing a strong role in the sexuality of society today. Rap music, Pop music and T.V. are increasingly sexual and not neccessarily in a healthy way. I'm most concerned about young people. Pre teens (10 and 11 yr. olds) are having oral sex because *somewhere* they got the idea that it's not REALLY sex?!? I think this is not only reckless (STD's) but demeaning to girls. I don't see this street going both ways and if it did, what would a 12 yr. old boy know what to do? Watch some videos on any music channel and you don't see positive sexual role models. You'd think that the feminists would be up in arms but since they excused Bill Clinton's actions, I guess their opinion is moot.

I'm not a prude by any means, but I now have 2 little girls and I'm real concerned about their self-image being a healthy one. My 4 yr old wanted to listen to "Brittany Spears" b/c someone at preschool was talking about her?!? EEWWWWW.

Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 06-21-2004 - 12:12pm
I know but I think it's convenient to blame society as a whole when someone disagrees with a social more' or tradition. The choice about what occurs in the bedroom is still up to the individual.

As you already pointed out, acceptance for alternative lifestyle choices and practices is more accepted today. And for sure, the discussion of such choices is more obvious.

So many other things factor into our personal choices though, that I don't think anyone but the most complacent person would allow society alone to make intimate decisions for them.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-08-2004
Mon, 06-21-2004 - 2:27pm
This topic reminds me of something that actually happened this weekend.

DH and I were out for the evening, dinner and all. Went to a fun club that was always a very popular place for the grown-up crowd (mostly late 20's and up) to dance. There was a bunch of very young ones there this time. They looked like teens, but I suppose they were college age. The DJ was catering to this crowd and playing a lot of rap. Could not believe what they were calling dancing. I would call it dry humping, and they were ALL doing it. Some of the girls that looked 16 (but must have been at least 18) were doing this stuff with older men there, men they didn't know. All hubby and I could think was, "If their parents could see this!!" (We are parents of teen girls.) There was a lot of that Britney/Madonna stuff going on, too. My impression was that it was all for attention, and more about peer pressure and what their friends thought, as if they were trying to be cool.

DH and I are hardly prudes, and we were raised in what was called the "sex, drugs & rock n roll" generation...but this scene was disturbing to us.

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