Sometimes He Takes So Long!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-01-2003
Sometimes He Takes So Long!
8
Wed, 08-22-2007 - 9:41am
Hello again! So, my bf can sometimes take a long time to ejaculate during sex and I get really tired when this happens. It happens a lot when he's been drinking. My mouth will get really tired from oral and my vagina area gets dry and of course eventually sore. Not only this but I feel when I'm performing orally that in this situation he seems almost bored (not making any sounds or movements...just kinda lies there...don't know if he's just focusing or something). And then I feel like I'm not doing anything for him and get upset and discouraged...I've never had this problem before. Well the last time this happened, I was getting really tired and upset feeling that I couldn't please him...and I let him know that. He got worked up saying I make him feel great and that it just takes him longer when he's drunk. I tried to explain to him how I get tired and sore (and i feel like a loser saying it, but it's the truth). I think he thought I was just trying to get out of it...which I never do! I was just trying to be honest with him and tell him how I feel. We got into a small arguement at this point, which eventually resolved itself and we went back to what we were doing and he eventually came.
Has anyone else had to deal with this? What do you do? Or how do you get them to understand that sometimes you just simply need a break without hurting their feelings or ego for that matter? Thanks!
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2007
Wed, 08-22-2007 - 10:40am

Get some lube and use it if you are having vaginal IC and you get dry. I have had this experience and its better for both of you if you don't let yourself dry out. That alone will make him take longer to orgasm and its no fun for both of you to end up sore. If you get tired when you are giving him oral then stop and tell him that. Take some of that lube and give him a HJ if he still wants more and you feel like doing it for him. You aren't responsible for his orgasm any more than he is responible for yours. If he wants to get off he will ask you to do something else or he will take care of it himself.




Edited 8/22/2007 10:54 am ET by tami-kins
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2006
Wed, 08-22-2007 - 10:59am

If he does this on a regular basis, then he's got a drinking problem. Alcohol is a depressant, and it gives the "mind" ideas that the "body" can't fulfill.

You could just refuse to have sex with him if he's been drinking to excess......or, when you get tired, you STOP. There's nothing that says that you have to go on forever if you're tired or in pain. If he doesn't like it, then he shouldn't drink before sex. This is his problem, not yours.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-01-2003
Wed, 08-22-2007 - 11:19am
He doesn't drink regularly, it just by chance happened 2 saturdays in a row, we were both drinking with friends. I've told him already that if that's the reason it takes long then I don't like him drinking because I get tired. Of course men never like hearing that from their woman...they wanna think we could go forever...ha! I wish! I guess I could look at the positive side...I don't have a problem! I go too quick if anything! Anyways...thanks for your advice...anything else from anyone else is always appreciated...like the how to talk to him about it part without his ego getting damaged. Thanks again!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2007
Wed, 08-22-2007 - 12:47pm

I would definitely add the lube as recommended.

I would talk with him when he's not drinking, and use "I" statements, not "you" statements. Saying things like "I get dry when I drink", "I wonder why I can't last longer when I drink like you can?", etc. During sex, you could also let him know that you're tired, need a break, etc.

I know you said you can orgasm quickly, and that's great, but there is no rule that you can't have more than one orgasm. What's he doing for you? Maybe if you take a break from doing all the work and put some of the responsibility on to him, he'll tire out too. Could be as easy as rolling over and saying "baby, I need you to rub me right here."

Alcohol often causes problems for guys when it comes to sex. Some can't get or maintain an erection, others have trouble finishing. Even if he doesn't finish, it doesn't mean he didn't enjoy himself. Maybe just take a break without offering any explanation (especially if you're doing oral), and see how he reacts.



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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2007
Wed, 08-22-2007 - 1:05pm

Thanks for bringing up the fact that just because snakegoddess said she can go 'quick' that doesn't mean its the end. One advantage to being a woman is the ease in which we can have mutiple orgasms. Shoot - the first orgasm I have is NEVER the best lol.

Personally I can go just as long as my guy can and there has been times that has exceeded three hours with a couple little breaks thrown in. And I could still have went on longer lol. If I get tired I just let him do all the work! But I could never do that without KY lube or whatever we happen to have around. After an hour or so I start to get a little dehydrated even if we stop for something to drink. But then he hits the right spot again and things get all wet -- again :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2006
Wed, 08-22-2007 - 1:32pm
My DH has exceptional longevity in the sack which often exceeds my comfort level and he doesn't drink . When I've had enough then we stop, no exceptions. After 30-40 minutes of IC and 2-3 orgasms I simply can't go any longer and I'll suffer for days if we continue. Delayed ejaculation becomes even more problematic when alcohol is involved. Being sore and experiencing pain should not be in the picture. His unwillingness to recognize your feelings shows how selfish he's being. Since he's not dealing with your pain and soreness with compassion and tenderness he doesn't deserve any of the favors that your body provides him. You need to put yourself and your comfort first and unless he's willing to make your comfort a priority don't consider his needs to be a priority
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-21-2007
Wed, 08-22-2007 - 2:36pm
I would say, have him abstain from drinking ... I have a fairly mild case of delayed ejaculation, or at least I thought so until I started having sex stone sober. I tend to cum much easier and much much harder if I haven't been drinking. A beer or a glass of wine makes no difference, but beyond that it seems to. Drinking doesn't seems affect the stiffness erection itself, that's absolutely fine, just how long it takes to cum.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-23-2007
Fri, 08-24-2007 - 10:02am
This may sound silly but he should offer to do some things to you and give you a break. I take a long time without drinking and i even apologize at times..... sounds funny me saying sorry while she is doing that to me. But i care for my GF and never want her to be uncomfortable. If it hurts then stop i say.