Spectatoring & Problems Orgasming

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-24-2006
Spectatoring & Problems Orgasming
12
Sun, 12-24-2006 - 2:15am


Hi, folks! I'm a total newbie here so I hope I'm posting this in the right place. I'm happy to be directed to a better forum or to get links to similar discussions (I can't quite figure out how to search yet....although I've browsed a lot).

I am a 31 year old woman and cannot orgasm during intercourse. I can orgasm when I masturbate or manually or orally stimulated by my partner. But even then, I simply cannot orgasm during sex. After much online research I think my problem is my constant spectatoring during sex. I simply cannot stop thinking about the act and what I'm doing. I question how I look, whether he's enjoying what's happening, whether I'm breathing too loud, not loudly enough, if I should moan, scratch my hands down his back, whatever....I just cannot get into the moment.

Many sites recommend that I "stop spectatoring" by "thinking about the sensations" I'm feeling. That's a lot more easily said than done. Any more detailed suggestions or tips or tricks? I'd love to stop spectatoring but I don't feel my problem at this point is as easy as turning off a switch. I've been doing this for a good 15 years and it's become seriously ingrained. Even when I start thinking to myself "stop spectatoring and start thinking about sensations" I go through a whole specatoring scenario where I feel anxious about the fact that I'm spectatoring!

Help!

P.S. I should note that the only way I've been able to masturbate is manually but using cloth between hand and body - though manual or oral by a partner hasn't required that. I also have to have my body in a particular position (laying down spread eagled with legs wide apart) that I'm only now beginning to read might be awkward - not sure how to change that either and whether that might be interfering with my ability to at least reach intercourse orgasm through manual stimulation.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-24-2006
Thu, 01-11-2007 - 6:49pm

I've definitely had orgasms before during foreplay or postplay.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2007
Fri, 01-12-2007 - 10:34am

my husband or i have never tried manually making me come with his or my hand/fingers because i can usually orgasm, but when you or on top of him facing him (with him lying on his back), it would be easier for you to touch yourseldf b/c in that position it would be to awkward for his hand, but have u ever tried doggy style? personally we haven't tried it yet, but he might be able to stimulate you with his hand in that position.

did you understand the position i was talking about b4 about u on top facing him while he is sitting? that is my and my husbands fav. so far. we haven't tried that many positions yet cause we love that one so much.

Another tip i heard is if you have an orgasm b4 sex, like he makes u cum with his hand for example than it is easier for you to come while having sex after that.

this is not something my husband and i are interested in, but some couples use vibrators during sex so the girl can come, but i don't think it's the best. i truly believe that you will be able to cum during sex, trust me. you just need to be patient and don't expect it to happen or put to much pressure on yourself cause then it won't. another q is how soon does your guy come after sex? does he give u enough time to be able to come? it usually takes a girl a lot longer to come.

let me know if u have anymore q's. bye

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