Spooning!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2008
Spooning!!
2
Thu, 07-31-2014 - 6:34am

Hi,

I'm after some opinions on spooning!

I do not like spooning!! I like a bit of a cuddle but I've never been the kinda girl who want a long cuddle especially in bed, it's too hot, rarely comfortable, I hate not being able to move, current bloke snores and twitches when he sleeps etc etc He always cuddles everytime we sleep together which means I don't (I have asked him politely to move and he just moans and cuddles closer!) I almost fell out of bed once as he wiggled and thrusted to the point I was on the edge!

This isn't my first experience of this and I hate it! I want to scream!! I end up sweaty, tired, annoyed... and then I fall asleep out of exhaustion but boom he's an earliy bird! doesnt want to get out of bed so comes in for a cuddle but adds to this it's a weekend and he has a high sex drive so after a night of sex followed by no sleep feeling gross he then decides to place his bits as close to me as is humanly possible I'm woken up by him pushing stuff between my legs and that is it I'm awake pissed off and not even slightly turned on!

Should I be more tolerant? I've had this before with an ex and I hated it then! It doesnt feel affectionate or thoughtful just a way he can initiate sex without asking or effort! the poke in the back routine just annoys me!

We have other issues - his sex drive is huge, he throws out porn lines, he stares intensly at me (it's creepy!), he tee's up sex sessions via text, he points out what i do to him everytime we kiss, everytime! He has complained I made him wait (during ladies week and he said this mid sex!) he has issues when he drinks so needs help getting going then after an age of pounding away says he's in pain and masturbates expecting me to help! he always want me on top so he can stare (I know men like this position but he lies there just staring no touching just staring and then throws in some porn lines it feels very impersonal!) This guy is 39 I was expecting more love and affection, I've known him 7 years but he is like a walking erection that talks about it and expects constant sorting!!

So all in all not great I'm quite worried as I wil lose a Bf and a friend at this rate! I need to talk to him gently about his expectations, the crude things he says, making me feeling used and not good enough when he drinks (he drinks 4-5 times a week even a few pints and he's unable to start/finish with me) so lots to discuss!!

But I am worried I am being odd about the spooning thing, should I enjoy the cuddling and poke? I feel I should but I just don't! A gentle non sexual affectionate cuddle maybe but it just feels like men do it for sex and I don't always want to do that or feel I have to because he's put it there??

Gina

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-11-2014
In reply to: gina7789
Thu, 07-31-2014 - 8:10am

Sounds like your guy is selfish. Cuddling is not about leading to sex or keeping your partner in a position to have sex later. It should be intimate and comfortable. This issue is like any issue in a relationship, you need to communicate with him and he needs to respect your views. If he can't do this the there is no point in being with him. Your post sounds like you and him aren't on the same page about a lot of things, so you needmto talk about sex in your relationship and your need for be space. Be Honest. Be Calm. Be Firm.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2008
In reply to: gina7789
Thu, 07-31-2014 - 9:34am

Thankyou for your reply, I know I need to talk but this last friday he made me feel so bad after a bad night I can barely bring myself to see him! After knowing him for so long and being such good friends I assumed the relationship would be a natural progression but it's like he is someone else! He has liked me for years but is making me feel like I'm just a toy that he can use whenever he wants, I have tried to keep up with him so far but he doesnt seem to ask or care much as long as he gets to play with the toy whenever he wants! He has displayed signs of annoyance at not having sex early on and this worries me! After spending so much time with him this year (post a long term relationship he was in) I liked being with him, felt safe, happy and missed him when he wasnt around! I knew it wasnt that crazy passion you get when you meet someone new more just a progression! He's older, overweight, so it was more about who he was and how we get on so well as opposed to fancying him like crazy! he is nice when we are in public (feels like we are just freinds still) but alone he's just about sex and I don't like how he is acting I don't feel loved just a bit molested! A harsh word but I don't feel he respects my body or space he just uses it! I looked after a male puppy once everytime you played with it it tried to hump you I started disliking the puppy! He's like that! even a kiss goodbye results in a comment about his arousal! Where is the romance in that? I'm sorry having a rant! I can't discuss it with friends as they are mostly mutual friends, I lost my Mum 5 years ago and one of my closest friends was him!! Feeling very alone right now :O?

Gina