stating a preference

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
stating a preference
19
Fri, 04-29-2005 - 6:50pm

Following on from the never ending debates that we have on penis size, my question is "can one possibly find a positive aspect to caring about penis size, be it either your own or that of a partner?"

This thread is not about what size you prefer, because it's quite obvious that some care and some don't. And that some will never believe that others have a different opinion to their own. That aspect is NOT UP FOR DISCUSSION on this thread.

My attitude to life is that if it can't be changed, then don't worry about it. Likewise, worrying about penis size - whether it be your own - or that of your partner - can only be a harmful activity. More than half of the posts about penis sizes started here are started by men - which only goes to that such concerns only give birth to more insecurities.

One poster compared what he believed to be women's lack of honesty on the subject to that of a woman who says "do I look fat in this?". The fat question (if asked with an open mind) can have a positive outcome. When I ask how I look in a dress, I expect an honest answer....so that I don't look stupid in the street. By asking the question, the outcome (appearance) can be altered and make for a more positive outcome.

The same cannot be said for the penis debate.

Dress Up Games, Doll Makers and Cartoon Dolls @ The Doll Palace

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2003
Fri, 04-29-2005 - 7:25pm

I've pondered over this before I answered. And quite honestly, I can't find the positive aspect in it all.

I suppose that if the *only* thing that gets you off is a feeling of being 'full', then perhaps that is the positive aspect for some (?) I dunno, because when DH and I are having sex, there is so much going on and so much to enjoy that I don't really think about that. I won't discuss his 'size' on here - or anywhere - because that is demeaning to him, IMO, as if the only important thing about him are those inches. There is far more to him as a man, a husband, a father, a love, a son - and to our sex life of 21 years - than *that*!

I'm with you on the question about clothing. I ask 'How do I look?' generally, to DH. Not all the time, but if I want to look good. I want to hear him say 'You look beautiful' which he always does, lol, because I *want* to be beautiful for him. I don't know that I've ever asked about looking fat, maybe because I'm pretty comfortable with my body. If I'm shopping for a particular something to wear to a formal event, I will take my mom - always an excellent critic in clothing. And I might ask 'Does this make my stomach look big? Do you think it's too low? How does the back look? Is the ruffle too much?' etc, because I really WANT an honest answer. If the blue looks better on me than the black, she'll tell me. I want something that looks good, I don't wish to appear dowdy or trampy or silly at some formal event. But I am asking for an honest opinion because a dress can always be changed.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Fri, 04-29-2005 - 8:22pm

I agree, if you can't do anything about it, then why worry about it whether it's yourself or your partner.


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2004
Sat, 04-30-2005 - 11:43am

Same people who say size does not matter are the same people who cannot stand that for some size does matter. Let it go, girls.

If you really really believe that size does not matter, then you wouldn't write endless posts about the same over and over again. I find it rather ironic and revealing.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Sat, 04-30-2005 - 12:05pm
Someone posts, I

bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2005
Sat, 04-30-2005 - 5:18pm
I think the one benefit is that if penis size is concern for a woman, than the man should look for alternative means of satisfying his partner. As I mentioned in my previous post, I nearly always feel like my penis gets “lost” during sex, even though my wife has a small frame. I think toys can be a great addition to sex, but we probably wouldn’t have purchased a toy that dwarfs my penis if I could really fill my wife up. I believe researching what makes women click is important – based on these discussions, size obviously is important for some and not for others. No matter what, I think we can agree that it is vital to know our partners and take every step to please them. If I can’t satisfactorily fill my wife, I need to do something extra to please her.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2003
Sat, 04-30-2005 - 9:46pm
Believe me, this questions comes up FAR more often from new posters than it ever does from the regulars!
Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 05-02-2005 - 10:35am
And if you really believe that size DOES matter, do you really need to keep posting the same thing over and over again? I find that ironic and revealing as well.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-15-2003
Mon, 05-02-2005 - 11:07am

Dear Aisha,

This question has always fascinated me. I used to think that much of this focus on penis size was a western phenomenon but it isn't. And of course a different size anything feels different than anything else...however, most of the attraction to a larger penis in both females on recieving and males (having one)is a perception.

We all develop our archetypal male and female figures from early on based on our parents. This is true both physically and psychologically. Most of us transcend some of that, but there is still that imprint of what a male or female "should" be based on early conditioning. So if a little girl or boy sees their fathers penis, it looks huge in perspective to them; they believe that part of being a grown male is having a large penis. So for boys as they grow, a large penis becomes some kind of a mark of manhood (although unconscious) and for girls and young women it becomes a mark of the "ideal" male and therefore feels better (95% of sex happens in the mind). You see this image in ancient art of a huge erect phallus, so it's not Western in nature, just the outcome of being human.

So if all or any of that is true, judging anyone for liking large penises, wanting a larger penis, etc. is pointless. Just like we "have what we have", we also "like what we like". However, consciousness of conditioning without judgment (making it right or wrong) eventually erases the conditioning. In other words, if you know that your reaction to something is based on an early perception that gives rise to a conditioned response, eventually the conditioning becomes nil.

Peace.
Scott.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-26-2005
Mon, 05-02-2005 - 11:39am
Absolutely agree Scott. It IS programmed from our childhood. This is an issue for some because they LET it or MAKE it an issue. In some cultures (India e.g.), boys are taught to stretch their penises over many years to increase the length and thickness (I don't remeber what it's called, but it starts with an f and has a q in there somewhere - felqing?). Anyway, this is not just an American problem, it's an issue that's deeply rooted in human psyche. Maybe in early human history, males with larger tools got to be the dominant breeder! It exists in the animal world today, and we are not THAT far removed.
As for the question of honesty, I am the poster who raised that question. Personally, when my wife asks me a question like that (and she does - as I'm sure many men will attest here that their wives do also), she is looking for an affirmation, not a suggestion to change. Whether or not I LIKE the dress or the hair or whatever, she wants to believe I like it. As long as it is not a disaster, I will NOT tell her anything but what she wants to hear. Back me up here men. Same thing with penis size and womens opinions. If I joke and tell my wife "my penis is too small", she will laugh and say "no it's not, it's fine" whether she can handle a few more inches or not. And we HAVE toys wich make me look small in comparison, and guess what? She CAN handle it and she DOES enjoy it! With that said, size CAN be an issue IF you LET it become an issue. And it sounds like pretty much everyone takes issue with this subject, one way or another.
On a similar subject, why do some women insist on getting breast implants if their SO tries to express their satisfaction with what they have? Could it be because society tells them (or us) that "bigger is better"? Or is it that deep in our subconscious we believe that bigger breasts / penises will make us the ideal desirable mate? Hmmmmm.....
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-20-2004
Mon, 05-02-2005 - 12:08pm
My ex got a boob job, I always told her she looked good to me...She said she wanted to look good for her, she wanted to look more feminine...I think with men its kind of the same thing.Everywhere they look , with men, bigger is better. Bigger muscles, bigger car, bigger houses and the porn stars normally have bigger penises.
They may be thinking, "am I enough man for her?"
In a mans mind a bigger penis means more friction, which he equates to more sensation, which equates to better pleasure.( we know this isnt necessarily true.)
Some women state that they were with a guy who had a smaller penis and she never had much pleasure from him..then her next boyfriend was larger and wow did he ever please her...WELL it might be a simple fact that the guy with the smaller penis was a lousey lover, and the guy with the larger one just happened to be a good lover..it may not have been the size alone..but then again it may have been...
For some women , they may need a bigger penis because of the size of their vagina.It may be that just the idea of a large one in them turns them on.
Ive said this before, but I think it all boils down to the fit that each individual enjoys.The reason behind that particular enjoyment will vary.

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