Stay FWB?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-10-2003
Stay FWB?
36
Mon, 07-11-2005 - 12:11am

About 3 years ago, I slept with an old friend. We ended up being an occasional Friday night fling for about 8 months - then we lost touch...

Until last month. I went to a party and wasn't there 2 seconds before he was found me. We started started talking, he gave me his phone number, and ended up back at his place for some incredible sex.

A week later, I called him and left a message. A week after that, he called me back. Ever since then we've been talking on the phone and texting each other almost every other day. No 'relationship' or anything - we both just want sex. A couple of times he's asked me to come over - but I've never gone...always said I was busy as not to appear desperate...LOL

Just this weekend he asked me to come over. We talked, drank a couple beers, watched tv - normal stuff. It was strange. Eventually we made it to the bedroom - where he is just fantastic. And afterwards we talked and watched tv.

I'm afraid that I am getting too comfortable with him, and that I'm going to end up falling for him. He says he loves my body and how I look, I'm 5 foot and weigh over 250 lbs. (He's 6'7" and 230.) I cannot fall for him...

So why do I want to be with him all the time?

Liz

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2004
In reply to: smithten_76
Mon, 07-11-2005 - 12:19am

That's the problem with FWB's. Women usually can't do it because women tend to think they're falling "in love" when they have regular sex with a guy.

If you want more than a booty call, then tell him so. If he doesn't want more than a booty call, then end it, because you'll only be hurt.

It's up to you what you do.....but you already "have feelings" for him.....so start talking, and find out what HE's looking for. If it's not what you want.....why would you continue?

Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: smithten_76
Mon, 07-11-2005 - 11:23am

"Why do I want to be with him all the time?" Because he obviously makes you feel good about yourself....inside the bedroom, at least.

But it sounds like he wants to keep things casual so you'll have to decide if you can live with that. Most people bond with those they share their bodies with though. I'm with GTB, tell him that you want more, then the ball's in his court.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2005
In reply to: smithten_76
Mon, 07-11-2005 - 11:31am

Sounds like "FWB" that's getting out of control. Why can't you fall for him ?? What's the barrier for you ?

Women usually can't do the FWB thing because they can't separate having sex & falling in love.

If you want more than exhanging booty calls then you need to tell him. At least find out what he wants or expects. Then you can either end it or keep it going.

If its great sex then keep it going provided you're not getting too attached.

There is someone that I feel very comfortable with and want to be with all the time but I face a barrier and she faces a different barrier; we stopped the sex and just visit occasionally. But we have muchmore history as friends than as lovers. The lovers stage was just an indiscretion.

Big

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2004
In reply to: smithten_76
Mon, 07-11-2005 - 12:44pm

This is an interesting thread for sure. I am in a FWB relationship and it's great. We're both attractive and healthy people and we have had tons of fun. I would like it to turn into something more, and I've made that clear to him, but he doesn't want it. That's fine, it's not against the law. I'm not going to stop sleeping with him either way. He is amazing in bed and makes me feel great about myself.

We see each other about once a week and sometimes spend the night together. There's tons of affection and super hot sex, there's just no "relationship" thing. I think he just wants to have it be all good, without worrying about mundane daily things such as you have to in a true relationship. The funny thing is, even without it, I am not very interested in other guys.

Long and short, until a regular b/f comes along, I see no reason not to stay in a FWB thing. If nothing else, it's very fun and very hot, so it's hard to see what the downside is. I guess it's that you have to people who are quite literally using each other, and that sounds bad but I'm not sure it really matters.

Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: smithten_76
Mon, 07-11-2005 - 3:19pm

" I guess it's that you have two people who are quite literally, using each other."

Actually, from what you said, it sounds more one-sided than that, Phillippa. YOU want more but he doesn't, so you're settling. And that's typically what happens in these arrangements. The downside? He moves onto a serious monogamous relationship and leaves you in the cold.




Edited 7/11/2005 3:21 pm ET ET by katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2005
In reply to: smithten_76
Mon, 07-11-2005 - 6:41pm

Phillippa,

"two people...using each other" sounds a bit harsh. To me, it sounds better than that. Sounds like you two have more than just a "f*ck me & leave" relationship.

OK, another poster said "you're settling". I don't think that's a bad thing. We all do it for various times in various parts of our lives...jobs, school, family relationships...why not in sex??

I was in one of these and she left me for a serious monogamous FWB relationship and yes, this left me in the cold but we're still friends, still talk on the phone almost every day (she calls ME), have lunch, even nap together..... and maybe someday we'll return to FWB.

Mr. Big




Edited 7/11/2005 6:57 pm ET ET by bigwhang
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-10-2003
In reply to: smithten_76
Mon, 07-11-2005 - 8:34pm

I've thought about it today - and I don't want a serious relationship with him. (But I wish my stomach wouldn't knot up when I think about him...)

A couple years ago - yeah - I did want him to see me as more than just a Friday night f***. And I told him how I felt. He broke my heart by saying he didn't want a girlfriend. That is why we stopped seeing each other.

Right now I want to keep it where it is - it's fun! We flirt. We laugh. We don't have to try to impress each other because we know exactly where the other has come from. I swear this is the best 'relationship' I've ever had with a guy. My wanting to be with him - I didn't mean sexually...well..maybe a little. I just like sitting and talking to him.

And as for him making me feel better about myself only in the bedroom - simply not true. He's been making people smile ever since I've known him. He's always been very positive, not one to get upset easily.

It's nice to have a guy friend.

Liz

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2005
In reply to: smithten_76
Mon, 07-11-2005 - 8:56pm

I miss my lady friend, too. I don't want a serious relationship with her again, she broke my heart when she went back to boinking her old boyfriend. I want to keep it where it is right now, lunch & the occasion snuggle but always lots of talk. She fills a gap that my wife leaves in my life. I have other GFs also, each fills a need and in return I fill some small need that they have. One is off men totally (breakdown of 2nd marriage)...but she treats me same as ever...we met when she was 5.

But my ex-lover has to be the best 'relationship' I've ever had with a woman. Ever. Except for the betrayal but watch ALMIGHTY BRUCE and you can understand why she felt she had to "go there" . And like you I just like sitting and talking with her.

I've tried both & prefer women friends, I just have to learn to set better boundaries.

Big

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-10-2003
In reply to: smithten_76
Mon, 07-11-2005 - 9:13pm

I first met him when he was 10 and my brother's best friend. I was 14 and the fat older sister. Sounds really sick now (and then too), but I had a crush on him and his older brother (who is my age) all the way through high school...and beyond. Now his older brother doesn't look as good anymore. LOL

The first time we were seeing each other, we were also seeing other people. My boyfriend was a total jerk, he was doing a FWB-thing with another girl - which he continued for awhile after he was with me.

My heart feels one thing - my head another. But I know what I want.

Him as a friend only.

Liz

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2005
In reply to: smithten_76
Mon, 07-11-2005 - 9:48pm

I met my FWB (now F, not WB) the first day of Gr6. She was not attractive to
me in my early dating years. I dated all the good looking ones and have
the emotional scars. In university I lowered my sights a bit (less
beauty, more brains) and developped a preference for Rubenesque women.
A long string of them. FWB and I reconnected at a highschool reunion
but a couple of years went by before I looked her up. By then she was
single again. Met for coffee. Then a date. The FWB thing started when
she invited me into her bed. It took a few sessions, maybe 2-3 months,
but I discovered her to be my best lover ever. Left my wife for the
peacefulness that surrounded Ms. FWB. That lasted almost a year then
she started up again with her former lover. She admits now she made a
mistake but I am unwilling to go back. I like to believe that somewhere
down the road we will again be FWB.

Big

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