Stay FWB?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-10-2003
Stay FWB?
36
Mon, 07-11-2005 - 12:11am

About 3 years ago, I slept with an old friend. We ended up being an occasional Friday night fling for about 8 months - then we lost touch...

Until last month. I went to a party and wasn't there 2 seconds before he was found me. We started started talking, he gave me his phone number, and ended up back at his place for some incredible sex.

A week later, I called him and left a message. A week after that, he called me back. Ever since then we've been talking on the phone and texting each other almost every other day. No 'relationship' or anything - we both just want sex. A couple of times he's asked me to come over - but I've never gone...always said I was busy as not to appear desperate...LOL

Just this weekend he asked me to come over. We talked, drank a couple beers, watched tv - normal stuff. It was strange. Eventually we made it to the bedroom - where he is just fantastic. And afterwards we talked and watched tv.

I'm afraid that I am getting too comfortable with him, and that I'm going to end up falling for him. He says he loves my body and how I look, I'm 5 foot and weigh over 250 lbs. (He's 6'7" and 230.) I cannot fall for him...

So why do I want to be with him all the time?

Liz

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-10-2003
In reply to: smithten_76
Mon, 07-11-2005 - 11:04pm

He was into getting all the good-looking girls too. He was athletic and popular - following in the shadows of his 'famous' older brother. He's never gotten over it either. I - on the other hand - was not good-looking, not athletic, and not popular. But it was a small town school, so everyone knew and pretty much liked everyone.

He said he likes a woman with a little meat on her bones. I have plenty of meat...lol. I about died the first time he saw me naked - I couldn't grab the blanket fast enough when he flipped on the light. But now? I feel comfortable with him, and it doesn't really bother me. I'm not going to parade around with nothing on - but atleast I won't freak out when he leaves the lights on.

How often is too often? For everything? Phone calls? Sex? I hate calling people - always think they're too busy to talk to me, or they're right in the middle of something important. He works 3rd shift and I don't want to call when he's supposed to be sleeping. I usually text message him something once a week, and he ends up calling me back. Sometimes he calls me out of the blue. I work 1st shift and every other weekend, very early in the morning (730am/week, 6am/weekends). I don't stay out late on work nights - so I don't see him. I would love to be at his place when he comes home in the morning, have sex, then get up and go to work. But I don't see that happening in the near future.

I don't know how to ask him all the questions that I have without sounding like I want to be his girlfriend - just a f*** buddy.

Any more advice?

Liz

Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: smithten_76
Tue, 07-12-2005 - 6:09pm
Well, good luck. I truly wish you the best but you sound very much like a woman in love to me, which isn't a good thing in an FWB arrangement!


Edited 7/12/2005 6:20 pm ET ET by katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-10-2003
In reply to: smithten_76
Tue, 07-12-2005 - 7:17pm

I know - it's disgusting. LOL

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2004
In reply to: smithten_76
Wed, 07-13-2005 - 8:26am
Mmmm, sometimes I think we do have just a "f*ck me and leave" relationship. Sometimes it really bothers me, BUT then when we are together it's like a drug and everything is 100% OK. I am addicted to the guy -- and I know addictions are not a healthy thing. He is a very pleasant person and extremely sexual but he really, legitimately does not seem to care about me beyond what we can do for each other in bed, and sometimes that isn't a great feeling. OTOH it's interesting to have a relationship with someone based almost purely on sex: I can't think of any other guy I know who just about always has an erection when we're together, because most of our waking hours together are spent having sex. Very odd!
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2005
In reply to: smithten_76
Wed, 07-13-2005 - 12:51pm

All I can think about today is how very, very fortunate this guy is to have your attentions.

Big

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2004
In reply to: smithten_76
Wed, 07-13-2005 - 3:18pm

Denial is not just a river in Egypt, it's where you are right now! You're in denial! You keep saying you don't want more.......but if that were true, you wouldn't get knots in your stomach! You wouldn't want to just sit around and talk to him. You wouldn't be afraid to say anything to him or ask him anything....You wouldn't want to be at his place in the morning. (You don't see that happening in the near future.....I don't see it happening at all......but YOU are hoping for it!) You can't talk to him without sounding like you want to be his girlfriend? That's because you WANT to be his girlfriend.

All of that is fine if it was likely to happen, but it's not. He wants sex with NO strings, including owing you anything or any time. If you want to hang in there and hope for a change......go for it. Five years from now you'll be still hoping for a change. That is, if he hasn't found someone he DOES want a relationship with....and is out of your life.

You say he makes you feel good about yourself. That's too bad, because you SHOULD feel good about yourself all on your own, without a man to tell you that. And of course, he will do that.......he's no dummy........he needs to build a woman's ego to make her willing to give him what he wants!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-01-2004
In reply to: smithten_76
Wed, 07-13-2005 - 3:19pm
Well I was in a FWB relationship where he work 3rd shift at a plant and I worked a 9-5 job. I wanted to be able to have sex with him every morning before work so what we done was he had a key to my house and he would let hiself in and come and wake me up we would have wild sex and then he would hold me until I was almost back asleep or it was time for me to get up and go to work. It was some of the greatest sex I have ever had and we could talk to each other about anything I mean from work to relationships. I know that he cares about me at least as a friend and that is all that I wont because sex and love at two different things. Best of luck to you though
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-10-2003
In reply to: smithten_76
Wed, 07-13-2005 - 3:44pm

Yes - sex and love are 2 different things. And the whole key thing? Genius! But unfortunately I live with my grandmother, so I don't think that would fly...

Sex and love are 2 different things. Love is when you do all the little crappy things for him - like watch really bad movies and put up with his friends just because you want to be with him. Sex is when you don't have to do all that stuff - but just want to screw him every time you see him.

I have decided that I am somewhere in the middle. I do love him, have always loved him, and probably always will...but it's a different kind of love. I've known the guy 15 years!

I want to us to be friends.

Blessings -

Liz

Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: smithten_76
Thu, 07-14-2005 - 11:05am
For YOU, love and sex are two separate things. Not for everyone.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-10-2003
In reply to: smithten_76
Thu, 07-14-2005 - 11:41am
Me and a couple of others who have posted on here.