"Steps" in having sex

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2006
"Steps" in having sex
9
Tue, 05-02-2006 - 9:03pm
I know everyone is different and does things differently. I'm new at this.. My boyfriend is way more experienced. He's given me oral. I haven't given him oral. I was wondering what others do... Do you give him oral first, then him on you, then sex? How do you initiate it on him (give him oral) if he's on top of you? I know there are no set rules. Any help is appreciated. Thanks.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Tue, 05-02-2006 - 9:32pm

Dh and I have no routine, it's different every time we have sex.


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Avatar for kookyspooky
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2003
Tue, 05-02-2006 - 9:41pm
If you have a set routine, then sex can become boring.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2005
Wed, 05-03-2006 - 1:24am

First of all, forget about his "experience". Every new partner is different, and every new partner is a new learning experience. He's never been with YOU before, and he doesn't know what you like, or what you want. Just as you don't know what he likes or wants.

When you feel you're ready to be sexually active with someone, then you should be able to talk to them about what their likes and dislikes are. At the same time, you should be able to do whatever you want to do. If you want to give him oral sex, then tell him that..and if he's not already undressed, then get him out, and do it. If he is undressed, then just do it. If he's busy doing you, there's always "69" (which most people don't really enjoy anyway, but it's worth a try!)

There are no "steps".....there is only what sounds like a good idea to you at that moment. Everyone has different feelings about various sexual activity, what should come first, etc. Personally, I feel that oral sex is way more intimate than intercourse, and I would never give or receive it with a man that I wasn't already having intercourse with.

Whatever steps YOU are comfortable with are the steps that YOU should take! Talk to him about it, ask him what he'd like you to do.... and make sure you tell him what YOU like, too.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2005
Wed, 05-03-2006 - 10:39am

I appreciate your comment about every partner being different. Until fairly recently I had never had sex with anyone except my ex, but since last fall I have had one longish and two shorter relationships that have been sexual. Each one has been very different, especially when it comes to oral sex, something that never entered very much into bedroom play in my marriage. What surprises me about oral is just how much men seem to enjoy it.

Love, Kate

Avatar for kookyspooky
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2003
Wed, 05-03-2006 - 11:28am
Well, duh!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
Wed, 05-03-2006 - 4:27pm

There is no set routine in our house, although I guess that we usually start with oral for one or both and then move on to intercourse. Sometimes she'll finish me off with oral after intercourse.

I guess that you just do what ever seems easiest at the time. Or maybe you'll make a request and indicate that you want to give him oral. You can't just do it if he's on top of you - you've got to get him off you, don't you? :-)

How do you indicate to him that you want to give it to him? The easiest way would be to move in that direction. Most guys are going to get the hint pretty quickly if your head and mouth starts moving in that direction! Any time that he is lying on the bed would be a good time. You can move down to his groin and make yourself comfortable at the same time. You could always get him before he gets into bed. Sit on the edge of the bed and ask him to "Come here" and start on him as he's standing next to the bed. Otherwise, gently unzipping his trousers anywhere at anytime is a good start too!

Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 05-04-2006 - 12:23pm
Yes, men enjoy receiving oral pleasure as much as women do!
Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 05-04-2006 - 12:30pm

My DH and I observe one rule about this....I always go first! It turns him on greatly to give me pleasure. AND men can get very lazy and sleepy after they orgasm and then, you don't get the same attention you would if you went first. So, we're in agreement that it works better that way.

We don't always use oral as foreplay, but many times we will, before moving onto intercourse. Sometimes, we have oral only nights, too.




Edited 5/4/2006 12:32 pm ET by katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2004
Thu, 05-04-2006 - 2:51pm
Agreed. If oral sex for the girl is in the cards, do it BEFORE he cums!!! My bf is even worst than most in this regard, he very often goes right to sleep within a couple of minutes, it's almost as though he blacks out sometimes. Once it did shock me when he came on my belly and pubic area and then went down on me orally -- he usually wants nothing to do with what just came of out his body but that one time he seemed to be totally unaware of it, it was hot watching it all. But only once. I would certainly say, get while the getting's good!!!