-------Sticky Triangle-----

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-26-2004
-------Sticky Triangle-----
89
Wed, 09-29-2004 - 9:46am
Let me start with the history of this story. My coworker (L) and I have been secretly seeing eachother on the side for a few months now. I was initially attracted to her, she's beautiful, but never thought it would go anywhere as previous to this I have only been with men. She brought it to my attention that she is open in her taste, and after a little talking, and a little drinking, I decided to go ahead and sleep with her. It was the best sex I've ever had, and I never looked back. So we have now been seeing each other on a regular basis without anyone knowing. That pretty much brings us up to date.

Ok so, a little while ago my coworker and I decided to go out to the bars. Her husband decided to come at the last minute. I had met her husband a few times before this, but we had never spent any real time together. He also did not know that I had been intimate with his wife. Well the three of us got along fabulously. We all had way too much to drink, and one thing led to another. We ended up back at their house and after a few more drinks, we ended up having a threesome. I was already comfortable with L, but adding her husband to the mix was amazing. I went home the next morning wondering why I had never done this before, and swearing to myself it wouldnt be the last time. And it wasn't. I believe the three of us got together about four times in one month. Each time better than the last. However I started realizing that I was really attracted to her husband more than the occasional "hookup" We started meeting for coffee and lunch breaks. (All without L knowing) Eventually I started tiring of L and my secret relationship, and wanted to go more for her husband. L obviously knows something is going on as I have been pulling away from her, but she would never guess that I am now sleeping with her husband behind her back. I feel really bad about this because initially I did have strong feelings for L, but I guess nothing can replace what a man can give you. What should I do? I don't like lying to L day after day, and she is getting pretty annoying with her constant whining about "us" There really isn't an "us" anymore, just the occasional pity sex to get her to quiet down.

Now my real problem. I recently met a new "girlfriend" and would like to introduce the husband to her, for a threesome. How do I do this without L finding out? She is really getting in the way now. TIA for your help

-- Karen--

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Wed, 09-29-2004 - 2:19pm
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bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-07-2003
Wed, 09-29-2004 - 2:30pm
We are accountable to others, whenever it involves others, particularly the innocent. Most people were brought up not to hurt others. When YOU decided to have an affair with L, YOUR actions, hurt R(and it's a moot point of whether or not he ever found out, because the deed was done, nevertheless). Do you also walk around insulting people in the streets? How about yelling out "fatso" to a person who's overweight, or "bum" to a person who is disheveled looking? We need to be accountable not only to ourselves but to others, unless we want to aspire to the contrary and become barbaric. Why don't we all just step all over everyone else, and respect nothing and no one just so that we can satiate our every whim? Self-control is not only commendable, but it's also NECESSARY. No, instead of making people accountable for their actions(with respect to others), we instead teach those who get hurt to be tougher. "So that person called you fatso, live with it! People are cruel, they get their jollies out of hurting and insulting others." Perhaps if the adulterer and the third person were made accountable legally, and had to do jail time and/or pay a penalty, things would change. Unfortunately for some people they feel that because it's not illegal, it's OK by them. I look at being cheated on almost as bad as being sexually violated or robbed, and yes, maybe even shot. I've seen my best friend literally crumble into a feeble nothing after she found out her husband cheated on her. The best was when his girlfriend would throw salt in the wound by ridiculing her mercilessly. It went on for years(during the court proceedings) and it nearly killed her. Neither of them obviously felt accountable in any way for what she was going through. Barbaric, if you ask me.


Edited 9/29/2004 2:33 pm ET ET by life_is_but_a_dream
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anonymous user
Wed, 09-29-2004 - 2:31pm
Ever hear of doing the right thing...and saying "no thank you"?
Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Wed, 09-29-2004 - 2:39pm
life I totally agree with your post. My point I was making about the OP was that she probably has never been in love, only has had lustful sex. Most people who have been in love would know whats out of bounds. (then again maybe not)
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-26-2004
Wed, 09-29-2004 - 2:59pm
I am more of the mindset, if you want something bad enough, go get it. If you are fat and want to be thin, go to the gym/change your diet. If you want to keep your husband/wife happy, do what it takes to make them happy. Come on folks, obviously something was missing in their marriage. Is it my fault that I benefited from it? If a person if fat, and someone calls them fat, isn't that just calling a pig a pig? Why disguise it?
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2004
Wed, 09-29-2004 - 3:11pm
So it's OK to call a sluty whore-- a sluty whore
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-26-2004
Wed, 09-29-2004 - 3:16pm
Sure if that’s how you perceive me, however your being fat (if you are, not a direct attack) is a lot more obvious. Mine is discreet for a reason.
Avatar for sugarbeat
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 09-29-2004 - 3:17pm
no one is talking about disguising. the point was about hurting others unnecessarily. and in this case it is you who is being dishonest in a meriad of ways -- to L, her husband and the new woman, and ultimately with yourself.

i'm not sure what your motive was for bringing your situation to the board. the actual question you sought advice for was simple and you could have answered it yourself. could it have been, instead, your desire to come straight with someone even if it is anonymously.

in the long run your actions will leave you unsatisfied, lacking true intimacy.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-26-2004
Wed, 09-29-2004 - 3:21pm
True intimacy? You are quite mistaken if you don't believe I have this. Just because I choose not to include emotional intimacy in my relationships, does not mean I can't experience everything and more that I want to. I don’t think I would lie to L if she directly asked me- "Are you sleeping with my husband?" She invited me to when we had our threesomes. I would not lie to R if he directly asked me "Are you sleeping with my wife?" So I am not being dishonest
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-07-2003
Wed, 09-29-2004 - 3:31pm
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Why hurt anyone? What is the benefit in calling someone who is fat, fat? How do you even know anything about that fat person? What did that fat person do to you? What did the spouse do to YOU personally that they deserve to be hurt by you? The world would be a much better place if everyone would stop being so selfish and be considerate and respectful of others.

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