-------Sticky Triangle-----

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-26-2004
-------Sticky Triangle-----
89
Wed, 09-29-2004 - 9:46am
Let me start with the history of this story. My coworker (L) and I have been secretly seeing eachother on the side for a few months now. I was initially attracted to her, she's beautiful, but never thought it would go anywhere as previous to this I have only been with men. She brought it to my attention that she is open in her taste, and after a little talking, and a little drinking, I decided to go ahead and sleep with her. It was the best sex I've ever had, and I never looked back. So we have now been seeing each other on a regular basis without anyone knowing. That pretty much brings us up to date.

Ok so, a little while ago my coworker and I decided to go out to the bars. Her husband decided to come at the last minute. I had met her husband a few times before this, but we had never spent any real time together. He also did not know that I had been intimate with his wife. Well the three of us got along fabulously. We all had way too much to drink, and one thing led to another. We ended up back at their house and after a few more drinks, we ended up having a threesome. I was already comfortable with L, but adding her husband to the mix was amazing. I went home the next morning wondering why I had never done this before, and swearing to myself it wouldnt be the last time. And it wasn't. I believe the three of us got together about four times in one month. Each time better than the last. However I started realizing that I was really attracted to her husband more than the occasional "hookup" We started meeting for coffee and lunch breaks. (All without L knowing) Eventually I started tiring of L and my secret relationship, and wanted to go more for her husband. L obviously knows something is going on as I have been pulling away from her, but she would never guess that I am now sleeping with her husband behind her back. I feel really bad about this because initially I did have strong feelings for L, but I guess nothing can replace what a man can give you. What should I do? I don't like lying to L day after day, and she is getting pretty annoying with her constant whining about "us" There really isn't an "us" anymore, just the occasional pity sex to get her to quiet down.

Now my real problem. I recently met a new "girlfriend" and would like to introduce the husband to her, for a threesome. How do I do this without L finding out? She is really getting in the way now. TIA for your help

-- Karen--

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Avatar for sugarbeat
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 09-29-2004 - 3:35pm
Intimacy requires honesty. The withholding of information when you know the other is taking them to mean something else, is dishonest. Ultimately, I agree with you that L and R dug their own hole.

Where do you get true intimacy? How can you have true intimacy without emotional intimacy? At your core you appear terribly hurt in some way which has caused you to put up a barrier that says I will not feel or get attached for fear of getting hurt again.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-26-2004
Wed, 09-29-2004 - 3:39pm
The world would be a better place if everyone stopped feeling sorry for themselves, and started living for themselves. If all the fat people would go on a diet, or excercise instead of eating that extra Big Mac, I wouldnt say anything. I get sick of people blaming others, or expecting sympathy, when they don't do anything about it. If I get hurt from this experience, I assure you I won't cry or blame anyone but myself. Be accountable! THAT is what being accountable for your actions is
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-26-2004
Wed, 09-29-2004 - 3:40pm
I don't feel because I choose not to feel. Not because I have been hurt, because this is what I choose. I don't want emotional intimacy, or honesty (which goes along with emotional) because I choose to not. That is how I do achieve true intimacy- for ME This might not work for you- but it does for ME


Edited 9/29/2004 3:42 pm ET ET by wildflower86
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2004
Wed, 09-29-2004 - 3:48pm
Why don't you try finding your own relationship. The sea is full of hurtful, selfish, conceided, cruel, horny people. Go fishing!!

PS You don't have to fat to take offense to your comparing "fat" people to pigs.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-26-2004
Wed, 09-29-2004 - 3:55pm
I you choose to take offense to my posts, that is your own deal. I will not lose any sleep over someone else judging me, in fact I find it laughable. I choose to live in reality and not a dreamworld. I just dont have sympathy for lazy people, so sue me! As far as finding other "fish in the sea" I am, and I have. I am not monogomous with anyone one person. (and before you all jump on me, I do practice safe sex) I beleive in sex for just that, sex. I dont have the emotional ties that most people do
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-07-2003
Wed, 09-29-2004 - 4:20pm
How can someone be made accountable for something that they're not responsible for? How can a fat person be responsible for your actions? The fat person isn't blaming YOU for them being fat. In fact, that's a very benign situation(unlike an affair) because the fat person has NO EFFECT ON YOU, and I only used the analogy to argue the point of being accountable to others. Of course, the fat person doesn't have to feel hurt by your actions(because we're all responsible for our own feelings), but the point was why would anyone WANT to hurt someone else. Where there's an affair, your actions DO effect the spouse. You are hurting them DIRECTLY for your own benefit.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-26-2004
Wed, 09-29-2004 - 4:24pm
I believe the majority of obesity can be resolved. You're right they are only hurting themselves. I personally would not call a random person on the street fat, as I have no interest in wether they are fat or not. Perhaps if the third party were innocent I would have more sympathy for her. However L is far from innocent. So I don't
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-07-2003
Wed, 09-29-2004 - 4:59pm
But you cheated with L first before you knew R and their situation. R could have been 100% innocent in this situation. Most people, unlike you, never get to even speak to the spouse. They only hear it from the CHEATING partner. There are two sides to every story, and then of course, there's the truth. I knew this at 16. To never get involved with an involved person, out of respect for the SO. I hope that all women would have respect for my relationship(regardless of the circumstances), and be accountable for their own actions. That means that they won't EVER come on to my husband, and EVEN IF my husband comes on to them...they walk away. Why? Because accountability is not only to ourselves, but sometimes to others, as well. We can change the world, by changing who we are.
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anonymous user
Wed, 09-29-2004 - 5:13pm
Life save your breath... This is the type of person I mentioned in other posts. One who after countless sexual flings has done harm to their own esteem, and they have no idea. Its human nature to look for and want another human for a "real" relationship. But because of their actions over time , someting is lost. She chooses to keep having "just sex" because she now knows nothing else. Its the lust that drives these people, not intimacy. Its a very hard habbit to break for many people. The saying goes..Ignorant people are ignorant of their ignorance. Same goes with... immoral people are not aware of their immorality. She cant respect anyone else because she doesnt respect herself. If she did she wouldnt act the way she does.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Wed, 09-29-2004 - 5:15pm
It's not sympathy you should have for anyone, it's respect!

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