-------Sticky Triangle-----

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-26-2004
-------Sticky Triangle-----
89
Wed, 09-29-2004 - 9:46am
Let me start with the history of this story. My coworker (L) and I have been secretly seeing eachother on the side for a few months now. I was initially attracted to her, she's beautiful, but never thought it would go anywhere as previous to this I have only been with men. She brought it to my attention that she is open in her taste, and after a little talking, and a little drinking, I decided to go ahead and sleep with her. It was the best sex I've ever had, and I never looked back. So we have now been seeing each other on a regular basis without anyone knowing. That pretty much brings us up to date.

Ok so, a little while ago my coworker and I decided to go out to the bars. Her husband decided to come at the last minute. I had met her husband a few times before this, but we had never spent any real time together. He also did not know that I had been intimate with his wife. Well the three of us got along fabulously. We all had way too much to drink, and one thing led to another. We ended up back at their house and after a few more drinks, we ended up having a threesome. I was already comfortable with L, but adding her husband to the mix was amazing. I went home the next morning wondering why I had never done this before, and swearing to myself it wouldnt be the last time. And it wasn't. I believe the three of us got together about four times in one month. Each time better than the last. However I started realizing that I was really attracted to her husband more than the occasional "hookup" We started meeting for coffee and lunch breaks. (All without L knowing) Eventually I started tiring of L and my secret relationship, and wanted to go more for her husband. L obviously knows something is going on as I have been pulling away from her, but she would never guess that I am now sleeping with her husband behind her back. I feel really bad about this because initially I did have strong feelings for L, but I guess nothing can replace what a man can give you. What should I do? I don't like lying to L day after day, and she is getting pretty annoying with her constant whining about "us" There really isn't an "us" anymore, just the occasional pity sex to get her to quiet down.

Now my real problem. I recently met a new "girlfriend" and would like to introduce the husband to her, for a threesome. How do I do this without L finding out? She is really getting in the way now. TIA for your help

-- Karen--

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-07-2003
Wed, 09-29-2004 - 5:28pm
Now, now, hump, you're not going to lump those who have sex for sex, with those who are cheaters, are you? Just because someone has sex(even a lot of sex), doesn't mean that they lack morals and will have sex with just anyone. And simply because someone hasn't experienced something doesn't mean that they are ignorant, or that they can't have respect for it. If that were the case, then anyone who has never been in love, might aide a cheater because they can't respect that which they haven't experienced. That's not the case most of the time. Most people are NOT that selfish. As someone else said, you don't have to ever have been overweight to understand the pain that someone might feel when called names. We UNDERSTAND that it's wrong. Just as we learned to respect almost everything else around us, we learn right from wrong.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Wed, 09-29-2004 - 5:57pm
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bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2004
Wed, 09-29-2004 - 6:13pm
Wildflower, thanks for your "interesting" words and for trusting this board to share them. Few points of view I have...

>>I am more of the mindset, if you want something bad enough, go get it. If you are fat and want to be thin, go to the gym/change your diet.<<

I find this view merely an insensitive "excuse" since it does not cover for those who may have physical hindrances you're unaware of. Furthermore, wanting something bad enough and going to get it is NOT wrong, I agree with that. What I agree with is actually going on to get something that is literally betrothed to someone else.

You clearly did not want that other relationship to work out and be fulfilling in itself as it was intended to be, otherwise we'd be discussing your efforts to help it do so. Instead, we're now discussing what YOU wanted for YOURself, even if it was something that was betrothed to another and even if it hampered a problem that may have already existed. You're entitled to do that, but its a shame, in my opinion, that you didn't choose the more meaningful option for that marriage anyway. am entitled to that.

>>If you want to keep your husband/wife happy, do what it takes to make them happy. Come on folks, obviously something was missing in their marriage. Is it my fault that I benefited from it?<<

Wild, that is the SAME argument a local child molester used here as well, and THAT is what frightens us married people and parents about your views, and THAT is what we're expressing. Hopefully you are NOT the type that we'll read in the paper one day, using the excuse of:

"Is it my fault that the little 10 year old was curious and that I am entitled to go get what I want anyway? Come on folks!"

Just because there is a problem, Wild, doesn't your choice to take advantage of a relationship that simply doesn't belong to you. The marriage partner who committed to cheating is at fault, YES, but again Wild, so was that curious ten year old in the example. Point is, and remember that I'm saying that , just because the OPPORTUNITY presents itself, does not automatically justify your choice to take advantage of it...

...rather than making the decision to help fix what may be wrong if you're able to. Thats the point. If you choose to pick apart this post, I can't stop anyone, but you will be reminded of the core point...be warned.

Just my two cents.

C h a r a c t e r


above all else


Mr. Para

 

C  H  A  R  A  C  T  E  R

Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 09-29-2004 - 6:34pm
My thoughts exactly! I think some people are more addicted to the turmoil, drama and adrenaline rush of elicit/dishonest situations like this than the actual sex itself.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2003
Wed, 09-29-2004 - 7:01pm
After reading a few of the posts, that's what I'm thinking. Let's see - she cheats on the H with the wife, then she cheats on the wife with the H. Now, to make things much better and more simple, let's bring yet ANOTHER person into the mix! Wow.... What a tangled web we weave and all that.

Now I'm left wondering what happens when the H and the new partner take a shine to each other AND she likes the W, so the OP is dropped like a hot potato.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-17-2004
Wed, 09-29-2004 - 7:31pm
"Immoral people are not aware of their own immorality" Possibly true. My ex-wife was a liar, cheat and crook and those were her good qualities. She had an unhappy childhood (raised by alcoholics) and was determined to make up for it regardless of who she hurt. In her case, I am convinced she knew right from wrong but chose whatever offered her some benefit, either immediate or long term. You can't reform these people, nor can you reason with them. The best thing you can do is avoid them. They can be very seductive and know how to play on your emotions. Tears come easily to their eyes at the opportune moment. Yet at the same time they are totally ruthless and uncaring. They suffer from an overwhelming selfishness that allows them to justify any behavior.

As far as adultery goes, they don't call it cheating for nothing. If people want sex w/o emotions, that's fine. Both participants should feel the same way and both should be free, that is unmarried or involved in a committed relationship with someone else.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2004
Thu, 09-30-2004 - 12:31am
Discreet for a reason, indeed! Many reasons....your ex-girlfriend, who is now just "in the way" might find out....sociopathic behavior isn't generally approved by society... Even people who look out for #1 don't usually walk all over other people to accomplish their desires......"rationalizing" it doesn't make it right.....and about 20 other things I can think of.

Going back to the beginning of this rat's nest....you and girlfriend work together, and you were meeting secretly. Just imagine what it's going to be like at work when she gets wind of what's going on (and she WILL).....and tells all to your co-workers!

Tigerlilly took the words right out of my mouth.....how does it feel when you're the "target"?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2004
Thu, 09-30-2004 - 12:46am
Nothing will happen! Don't you remember, she has no feelings...it's pure sex. She has other "irons in the fire"...so she'll go on, leaving the original couple in shambles.....but HEY, it's not her fault!

Aren't we lucky that MOST people in this world are able to think, look, and feel beyond ME?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-26-2004
Thu, 09-30-2004 - 8:15am
Laughable really- I am aware of my actions, and because I choose to do what I want, I��m chastised. I am not hurting anyone, nor have I. Will I feel bad if L gets hurt, maybe a little, but she really put herself in the precarious situation.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-26-2004
Thu, 09-30-2004 - 8:34am
I was actually seeing your point, until you parralled my situation to a child molester. From someone on the other side, you'll get your point across better if you don't use such a drastic comparison. You actually had me interested in your post, until I read that point. Then I became defensive. I do see your point, and I know that I live for myself and my happiness. My thinking at this point is -- No one else is looking out for me, so why shouldnt I


Edited 9/30/2004 8:49 am ET ET by wildflower86

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