-------Sticky Triangle-----

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-26-2004
-------Sticky Triangle-----
89
Wed, 09-29-2004 - 9:46am
Let me start with the history of this story. My coworker (L) and I have been secretly seeing eachother on the side for a few months now. I was initially attracted to her, she's beautiful, but never thought it would go anywhere as previous to this I have only been with men. She brought it to my attention that she is open in her taste, and after a little talking, and a little drinking, I decided to go ahead and sleep with her. It was the best sex I've ever had, and I never looked back. So we have now been seeing each other on a regular basis without anyone knowing. That pretty much brings us up to date.

Ok so, a little while ago my coworker and I decided to go out to the bars. Her husband decided to come at the last minute. I had met her husband a few times before this, but we had never spent any real time together. He also did not know that I had been intimate with his wife. Well the three of us got along fabulously. We all had way too much to drink, and one thing led to another. We ended up back at their house and after a few more drinks, we ended up having a threesome. I was already comfortable with L, but adding her husband to the mix was amazing. I went home the next morning wondering why I had never done this before, and swearing to myself it wouldnt be the last time. And it wasn't. I believe the three of us got together about four times in one month. Each time better than the last. However I started realizing that I was really attracted to her husband more than the occasional "hookup" We started meeting for coffee and lunch breaks. (All without L knowing) Eventually I started tiring of L and my secret relationship, and wanted to go more for her husband. L obviously knows something is going on as I have been pulling away from her, but she would never guess that I am now sleeping with her husband behind her back. I feel really bad about this because initially I did have strong feelings for L, but I guess nothing can replace what a man can give you. What should I do? I don't like lying to L day after day, and she is getting pretty annoying with her constant whining about "us" There really isn't an "us" anymore, just the occasional pity sex to get her to quiet down.

Now my real problem. I recently met a new "girlfriend" and would like to introduce the husband to her, for a threesome. How do I do this without L finding out? She is really getting in the way now. TIA for your help

-- Karen--

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-07-2003
Thu, 09-30-2004 - 12:25pm
Well, at the inception of the whole "affair" there was one UNCONSENTING adult who was directly affected by your actions, the spouse. Since you espouse the behavior, you will most likely repeat it because of course, you don't find it wrong.

No you are not a rapist, pedophile, or a killer, but all we were trying to show you is that you share similar characteristics with them(not to the same degree of course). When you first had sex with L(as will be with any future others that you choose to have an affair with), you and she may have had consensual sex, but that has nothing to do with the spouse.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-26-2004
Thu, 09-30-2004 - 1:21pm
That is the only part that I agree with you, I was wrong. So anyone who makes decisions that only better themselves have similar characteristics to all those formentioned people?

Just trying to sort out what you are saying
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-07-2003
Thu, 09-30-2004 - 2:03pm
No. It's not going after what you want that's a negative characteristic, it's when you take others(unwillingly) down while you climb up. Remember Tonya Harding/Nancy Kerrigan? Only, the only thing at stake there was an Olympic medal. However, the behavior of Harding was abhorant. Can you imagine if that's how sports were ran? "Break them at the knees, who cares, just get to the finish first!" Look at Mike Tyson. Bit off Evander Holyfield's ear. So barbaric. What kind of victory is that? How can anyone's self-esteem survive it? Even if I had won, and no one was the wiser, I still couldn't live with the voice inside of me, haunting me....the conscience.


Edited 9/30/2004 2:59 pm ET ET by life_is_but_a_dream
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Thu, 09-30-2004 - 2:11pm
Making decisions to better yourself if fine, everyone tries to do that but not at other people's expense.

bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-26-2004
Thu, 09-30-2004 - 2:15pm
Tried that once, didn't work for me. Now I live for myself
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anonymous user
Thu, 09-30-2004 - 3:28pm
Well, well, now I get it. She is in New york, around Wall Street. People tend to act irrational when they are in crowds. Put too many rats in a box and watch their behavior. Its every rat for themselves.

She cheated with "L" it is wrong to do that even if it is consensual.

She cheated with the husband. It is wrong even if it is consensual.

Something tells me this isnt the first time shes been the "other woman" shes too good at it. Her problem is, she really doesnt see anything wrong with what shes doing, and whats scary is there are thousands and thousands of people out there just like her.

Repeated deviant behavior begets deviant behavior.

Not everyone who sleeps around becomes a cheater(at least knowingly)quite the contrary.

Seems people have lost sight of whats right and whats wrong in the sexual arena.

If sleeping around is ok, then where did the term whore or slut come from? (may refer to both male and female )? Or are those terms outdated?
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-07-2003
Thu, 09-30-2004 - 3:33pm
I think that a whore and slut sleep with anyone out of desperation. Both are indescretional, and do it to as a service. One for money, and one for approval.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-26-2004
Thu, 09-30-2004 - 4:16pm
Which I fall into neither category, but I'm sure most of you will argue that.
Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 09-30-2004 - 4:43pm
You're right, it IS your right to live by whatever philosophy you choose but I'm just curious as to why you feel the need to defend your choice. If you're truly okay with it, then why the need to justify it to a bunch of strangers? I thought you didn't care what others thought?
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-07-2003
Thu, 09-30-2004 - 6:44pm
I don't know anything about you, other than you're willing to sleep with people who are taken...and that was the only thing we were discussing.

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