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| Wed, 09-29-2004 - 9:46am |
Ok so, a little while ago my coworker and I decided to go out to the bars. Her husband decided to come at the last minute. I had met her husband a few times before this, but we had never spent any real time together. He also did not know that I had been intimate with his wife. Well the three of us got along fabulously. We all had way too much to drink, and one thing led to another. We ended up back at their house and after a few more drinks, we ended up having a threesome. I was already comfortable with L, but adding her husband to the mix was amazing. I went home the next morning wondering why I had never done this before, and swearing to myself it wouldnt be the last time. And it wasn't. I believe the three of us got together about four times in one month. Each time better than the last. However I started realizing that I was really attracted to her husband more than the occasional "hookup" We started meeting for coffee and lunch breaks. (All without L knowing) Eventually I started tiring of L and my secret relationship, and wanted to go more for her husband. L obviously knows something is going on as I have been pulling away from her, but she would never guess that I am now sleeping with her husband behind her back. I feel really bad about this because initially I did have strong feelings for L, but I guess nothing can replace what a man can give you. What should I do? I don't like lying to L day after day, and she is getting pretty annoying with her constant whining about "us" There really isn't an "us" anymore, just the occasional pity sex to get her to quiet down.
Now my real problem. I recently met a new "girlfriend" and would like to introduce the husband to her, for a threesome. How do I do this without L finding out? She is really getting in the way now. TIA for your help
-- Karen--

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With that being said, if you do value honesty and forthrightness, if you are only interested in what you can get for Karen, then tell 'L' the truth for once, or insist that her H is. Tell you you have no more interest in her, she's become too needy, but you'd still like to be with her H and perhaps introduce another woman to the mix. Why would that be so hard? For a New Yorker who works in a cutthroat field, who is only concerned about herself and to whom relationships are a mystery, it shouldn't be that hard.
Do you believe in bad karma, what goes around comes around, if so look out.
adj.
Having casual sexual relations frequently with different partners; indiscriminate in the choice of sexual partners.
Lacking standards of selection; indiscriminate.
Casual; random.
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INDISCRIMINATE is the key word. They will do ANYBODY. BOTH the whore and slut, service others ONLY and allow themselves to be USED.
Edited 10/1/2004 5:07 am ET ET by life_is_but_a_dream
I say again, we all have choices. You had and still have the choice to promote positivity in someone else's situation, even if it means staying out of it and not cheating. Then again, you ALSO have the choice of looking out for your own desires and preventing any further chance of that relationship from mending. Wildflower, you made your choice, and some of us here have the right to not like the selfish choice you made...period.
Again, core point:
Just because an opportunity exists, doesn't make it perfectly okay to negatively take advantage of it. Your analogy with the Wall Street people will never change the fact that two wrongs simply don't make a right, Wildflower.
You are allowed to make selfish decisions in a way that hurts others. You justify it by saying that others do it in certain ways anyway. You know what, Wildflower, you're right. Guess thats that. Thanks for educating us that there really are people out there who make decisions like that. Always nice to be informed. Time to get back to why you posted this now. I await your further words. Thank you.
C h a r a c t e r
above all else
Mr. Para
C H A R A C T E R
This puncuation mark means ; (in addition) there are several definitions. ..So what you are telling me is that as long as a person is "selective" they arent promiscuous? I strongly disagree. Any way one defines it, promiscous and slut and whore all have negative connotations. Take your pick....lol
If men say they wouldnt want a woman who has slept around, but the men have slept around themselves, then they are hypocrites. And the analogy that "well men do it , so now that we do it its wrong"? Its always been wrong for both genders..only young people have an excuse...immaturity.
slut ( P ) Pronunciation Key (slt)
n.
1.
a)A woman considered sexually promiscuous.
b)A woman prostitute.
2. A slovenly woman; a slattern.
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Then look up slovenly:
slov·en·ly ( P ) Pronunciation Key (slvn-l)
adj.
Untidy, as in dress or appearance.
Marked by negligence; slipshod. See Synonyms at sloppy.
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From the definitions and from what I've known in the real world, basically it's to describe a "woman"(who is promiscuous) who is NOT having sex for mutual enjoyment; but is having sex FOR A MAN ONLY and to SERVICE a MAN only. They are indiscriminate because they do NOT CHOOSE who to have sex with, they take ANYBODY who'll take them. Notice the word slovenly woman. The slut was a social outcast and because she was, she most likely lived on the streets. The way she lived her life being used over and over again is usually because she's of such low self-esteem that she has lost all self-respect because she KNOWS she's allowing herself to be used for a man's sexual pleasure with nothing at all expected in return. She's really not any different than a prostitute. Would you compare what a prostitute does to a person who is basically healthy in all aspects of life and has sex with a person that they choose to, and does it for mutual pleasure? Who is doing it for themselves, and not for someone else? I don't. Notice in the definition that it specifies (woman) and the definition INCLUDES "a woman prostitute" because these behavior were "exclusive" to women who were a mere tool for men's pleasure. I just think that society will label a woman a slut simply for having sex outside the realm of a relationship. If she sleeps with someone on a first date, she's a slut; if she sleeps with more than five guys in one year, she's a slut; if she's too flirty with a guy, she's a slut; if she dresses not to someone's liking, she's a slut. When the truth is she's not a slut, at least not in the true sense of the word. She's always being scruitinized for her sexual behavior. Sheesh, best she remain a virgin to make everyone happy and proud of her.
Edited 10/1/2004 3:25 pm ET ET by life_is_but_a_dream
First, as regards to the child molester and ted bundy comments, I think they are on the money. One of your problems is that you seem to be unable to grasp the concept of analogy. I think you might want to try to get a grip on that. I suggest a dictionary. Analogy can be a usefull tool in expressing a truth by drawing comparisons to a parelel situation that has more clearly defined parameters (in this case ethical ones.) No one is saying that your situation IS that of a child molestor etc, only that it is SIMILAR to it in regards to THE POINTS THAT ARE UNDER DISCUSION. THat is what makes it an analogy.
Your conceptions about the word intimacy also need work, again I would refer you to the dictionary.
Trying to defend your actions by comparing yourself to wallstreet traders is not the greatest tactic. From my perspective it simply backfires by including yourself in a profession populated mainly by people who can find no higher goal than the mindless pursuit of material goods. Not particularly good company if you ask me.
Secondly, that point about your actions being similar to someone being fat are so far off it is "laughable". Because your actions are hurtfull to someone els, they are not analogous to being overweight. It is a pretty lame strategy to pick a characteristic that you don't like and then state that it is under everyone's concious and direct control (obesity isn't) and then justify your own poor behaviour by pointing out that not everyone is perfectly aligned with your version of the ideal. Most overweight people don't make a consious decision to be fat, but by your own admision you are making a concious choice. of course you will be judged for it.
I'm going to go out on a limb here and tell you what I think is really going on. I think that you realy do selfishly try to get what you want without consideration for other people. Unlike your claims, however, I don't think that you have made a consious choice to be the person that you are. I think that for whatever reason (ontological and/or genetic or possibly an injury) you are unable to empathesize with other human beings. Now some people view empathy as a finer human emotion that is created to allow for kindness etc. I think there is a more realistic way to view it. Empathy is an adaptation. Many mammals that exist in social groups have this ability to some degree or another. Fundamentaly it is the power to understand the motivations of another individual. This is a tool and its evolution allows for ever more complex social interactions. It allows social relationships of all kinds (business, sexual, casual, familial, congenial etc) to be possible. Without this tool it is impossible to interact in an appropriate manner. People who have impaired ability to empathize, such as many people with Asperger's syndrome or psychopaths, may use other parts of their brain to function in society and interpret other peoples actions and motivations, but unfortunately this is usually pretty inadequate. I think that is your situation, especially since you seem to be unable to understand the objections of other people about the morality of your actions. I think that you realize your deficiency on some level and are disturbed by it, and so you have tried to interpret your behaviour based on an invented philosophy of look out for #1. Too bad you're so transparent. If I am right than hopefully the other posters wil be able to empathize whith you more and realize that you can't help yourself.
-phat
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