strange question

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-24-2003
strange question
13
Fri, 11-26-2004 - 10:37am
Here's something I wouldn't know where else to ask but maybe on this board! You hear about preferences for breast and penis size (or at least issues), but I've never heard of this. I've had several boyfriends over the years tell me about their preference on labia size - how they liked women with "more pronounced" or larger labia than I had. Now, these guys got immediately chucked for saying something like that - who would say something like that to their partner? But hearing about it from these men has made me wonder if it is an issue to men.

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2004
Fri, 11-26-2004 - 11:11am

As much as I just HATE speaking for others on anything, LOL, I gotta tell ya from a real man right here that I've not heard too much about that at all. As far as I know, its mostly bonk. You really honestly shouldn't worry yourself about it, because even if it was an issue for some guys in your future, its just as normal to deal with, IMHO, as a preference for a bigger butt or bigger breasts or longer curly hair or a shorter nose or fuller lips or this or that or this or that.

Preferences exist whether they are announced or not. I support your chucking of these guys for their insensitive announcements, but not for simply having preferences that we all have anyway. As I mentioned before, my wife's preference for my style of grooming is MUCH different than her announcing her preference for something I cannot change.

Don't know what those guys were thinking when saying that to you, but let that be another lesson for anyone reading this that there will ALWAYS be a difference between being with boys and being with grown gentleman who actually care about you.

C h a r a c t e r


above all else


Mr. Para

 

C  H  A  R  A  C  T  E  R

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-24-2003
Fri, 11-26-2004 - 11:34am
Thanks! I guess the main point is that it's better not to voice preferences where the person can't do anything about it, whether it be eye color or whatever. I've also gotten comments about nipple color, size, etc. It's never made sense to me. And insensitive comments like this from seemingly nice men - there seems to be no way to predict whether guys will come out with this stuff in the bedroom. In dating, I wait a long time now before becoming sexual with someone, just to try to avoid guys who would say stuff like that. I have female friends who get insecure because their husbands like blonds, but I thought the labia thing really takes the prize! LOL
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2004
Fri, 11-26-2004 - 12:49pm

I can understand preferences for large breasts, blondes, etc. It's something they look at every day, whether they're being sexual or just sitting in the kitchen. Of course, most of us have "preferences".....that's normal and human. But most of us, if the right person comes along, those preferences become unimportant.

A preference for large labia mystifies me. They don't have anything to do with sexual performance, and unless the guy gets off just by sitting and staring at them, he can't even SEE them 99% of the time. To have even decided on a preference, he must be a big time porn addict, to have seen so many, and decided that bigger is better than smaller!

Bottom line, to STATE that preference before even seeing what YOU look like is rude and ignorant. That would be like telling a guy on a first date that you can't be bothered with a man that doesn't have a 10" penis. And I have to believe that if anyone ever said anything like that to me, I would have to reply with that statement, plus the fact that he'll NEVER have the chance to see what size MY labia are.

Unfortunately, some people are rude and ignorant, and you've been unlucky enough to run into several of them.

PS: I am not a very "hairy" person. I shave my legs once or twice a year, I have very little underarm hair, and my pubic hair is "sparse". I once had a guy comment that I didn't have much hair "down there", (long before the current fad of shaving started) and he said he was used to LOTS of pubic hair. Oh, well.....he wasn't around long, either!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-24-2003
Fri, 11-26-2004 - 1:17pm
Well, these guys actually made the comments AFTER seeing what I looked like down there, which is very hurtful when you are sharing something so personal and someone tells you they liked someone else's better. In one man's case, he told he about his ex-wife's "accordion-like" labia that he really liked. One man (this is funny now, but wasn't at the time) insisted on taking a flashlight and seeing what I looked like. I've met some real jerks! I've also had guys comment on other women being tighter, but that never got to me because I thought, hey I can do kegels! I've had so many comments on my breasts, but at least more positive ones to balance out the negatives. Or how orgasmic another girlfriend was. Do guys think this is a turn-on? But the labia thing always got me. I think you might be right about men looking at porn and comparing women to that. Still, they should keep it to themselves. I just hope that my little daughter (5) won't meet jerks like that when she grows up or that I'll raise her to know enough to tell men who say these things to keep it to themselves or they don't deserve her.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-23-2004
Fri, 11-26-2004 - 1:46pm
I'm so sorry to hear that those guys were critical of your labia being too small.
And I hate to tell you this, but this whole "pretty vagina" thing is starting to become such a trend where I live that local plastic surgeons are advertising in the newspaper, offering to "correct" women's so-called "flaws" in that area, for about $1,000 a pop!
Interestingly, though, many of the women who are having the surgery are doing so because they think their labia are too big, or God forbid they should be lopsided!
This trend is sick, in my opinion, and far too close to female circumcision for my comfort.
Don't we have enough stuff to worry about, looks-wise? And shouldn't guys just count themselves lucky that a woman would let them see her vagina at all?
Ok, I am done ranting.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
Fri, 11-26-2004 - 4:05pm

I'm going to go against the trend and say that I do have a preference and I like labia that are reasonably pronounced.

I think that it can be very visually stimulating when a woman is aroused and lubricated and her labia are pronounced and puffy. I came to this conclusion from having several different g/f's and not from looking at porn. How important is it to me? Not at all. It has absolutely no bearing on how I choose a partner or how attracted to her I am. It's just one of those nice little extras that you might find on someone - like finding a mole cute, or liking the curve of a waist or sensitive spot on a neck, or thinking her nipples are cute or that I like blue eyes or something. Very insignificant really and once you've got a partner it's not something that you really ever think about. I think that blonde hair with blue eyes is a nice combination but if my partner is a brunette with green eyes? Not worried in the slightest!

If she didn't have pronounced labia it wouldn't even occur to me. The surprising thing is probably that I've noticed it at all and have a 'preference'.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2004
Fri, 11-26-2004 - 4:38pm

I suppose that it comes down to how *strong* a preference a person has that determines whether or not it's going to create a problem. If it's so insignificant, then why would it matter? If it becomes a *turn-off* then it's obviously going to be of great significance.

Having the preference is not the issue. The *degree* of the preference and how you apply it, is.

Imagination is more important than knowledge." (Albert Einstein )
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-24-2003
Fri, 11-26-2004 - 4:54pm
I guess my issue is that enough b/f's have mentioned it that I have now become self-conscious about it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2004
Fri, 11-26-2004 - 5:35pm

And you know what? You can't let THEM get you.

I have been with several men in my life. Each of their penises and testicles uniquely constructed. One man's penis was so thin and pale, it almost appeared pink and childlike. His testicles reminded me of a newborn hamster. Another male had overgrown testicles which hung so long that I don't know how he walked and they were so hung with loose skin. Another male had the "porn c@ck" as I like to think of it-perfect shape, tight testicles, evenly colored, and sized like a stud. I have NEVER, not even in my mind, compared one to the other, nor have I ever 'preferred' one over the other. Why? Because I accept that all men are different and unique, and regardless of shape, size or color, this is what he has had since the day he was born, and it will be the same as the day he dies. No different than his face or his arm. I would never think or say "I wish he had so-and-so's face because I prefer that". My preference became whatever they had because I accepted that I could never change it. I didn't long for something that wasn't a part of this man. I let them know that I loved every inch of them, just as they were.

I wonder if women commented and compared a man's penis and testicle's size, shape, color to other men's, how they'd feel? If it makes you feel less self-conscious, not so long ago, someone pasted a link to a site where real penises were shown, and thoughts of the men who owned them, about them--some of which were not so positive.




Edited 11/26/2004 5:39 pm ET ET by rain_dancer_iam
Imagination is more important than knowledge." (Albert Einstein )
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
Fri, 11-26-2004 - 6:13pm
I don't think that there's any reason to become selfconcious about it. As already said, do you think that there's much point comparing one man's penis to anothers? Nope. They're all different and in the scheme of things it's really a very minor and petty thing to be worried about. I'm surprised to hear that you've had several b/f's mention it and to be rude enough to suggest that they prefer something-else over what you've got! Just say next "Yes, you're right about genitals. I prefer penises that are over (add a 1/2inch to whatever your b/f's penis is) XX inches long just because they look more prominant"

Pages