Stretched out?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-09-2005
Stretched out?
63
Sat, 07-09-2005 - 8:01pm
Last March, my boyfriend of 3 years and I broke up. We had regular sex for the entire time we dated, and he had a large penis. Now I'm seeing someone new, and he is considerably smaller. This is no problem to me, but he didn't come when we had sex. Could it be that I'm "stretched out" from my previous, well-endowed boyfriend and it isn't tight enough for my new guy??? Or since it was a first time, maybe it was a nerves thing??? i'm worried!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
In reply to: kachstre
Sat, 07-09-2005 - 8:17pm
The vagina does not stretch out from having sex no matter how many times you have sex, how many partners you have had or how big the penis is.

bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2004
In reply to: kachstre
Sat, 07-09-2005 - 8:56pm

The hormone estrogen provides elasticity to your vagina. It's like a piece of elastic...you can stretch it, but it snaps back to it's original state when released. The vagina is a potential CLOSED space when not in use(which is why a tampon doesn't fall out). If you don't believe me, put your finger inside and you can feel it totally surrounded by the vaginal walls. Certainly his penis is larger than your finger.

Most likely it was just his nerves....sex is rarely great the first time with someone. Just relax and don't worry.

Imagination is more important than knowledge." (Albert Einstein )
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-24-2003
In reply to: kachstre
Sun, 07-10-2005 - 11:54am
I have heard this time and time again, but here's a question: If the women I'm with are super-tight when we first start dating and after a few months they've relaxed their vaginal muscles so that they're comfortably snug, does that mean they've loosened up, or learned to relax?
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
In reply to: kachstre
Sun, 07-10-2005 - 12:07pm

It means they are more relaxed and are completely comfortable with being sexual with you.


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2004
In reply to: kachstre
Sun, 07-10-2005 - 12:09pm

I would say they learned to relaxed which in turn can also mean loosened up. ;-) It makes sense, since the opposite extreme is true in cases of vaginismus where women tense up so much that insertion is impossible and painful. It's not a physical problem, it's a mental one.

Imagination is more important than knowledge." (Albert Einstein )
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-24-2003
In reply to: kachstre
Sun, 07-10-2005 - 12:52pm

>>I would say they learned to relaxed which in turn can also mean loosened up.<<

Exactly what I'm trying to understand!!

Why is it necessarily untrue that the original poster "loosened up" by being able to relax much more easily?

kachstre, Im not trying to make you feel inadequate by making my point. Yes, if a baby can pass through the vagina and it can still snap back into place, a well-endowed man cannot possibly cause more damage than a baby.

I'm just wondering out loud if you are just more comfortable now taking on a smaller penis. This is a good thing, not bad. May not be good for the guy, but why should you bear the brunt of the incompatibility problem? It is what it is.

Follow the advice from the women here. Kegels, don't fret, many reasons why what happened happened, etc.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2004
In reply to: kachstre
Sun, 07-10-2005 - 1:06pm
Well...if you go to the-clitoris.com and view the stages of arousal, you'll see that during the plateau phase, the first third of the vagina closes due to vascular congestion..."Increased vasocongestion in the vagina causes the outer third of the vagina to swell, resulting in the vaginal opening decreasing in size, perhaps 30%." I think that that is more the reason why a woman would feel tighter or looser, particularly upon insertion.
Imagination is more important than knowledge." (Albert Einstein )
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2004
In reply to: kachstre
Sun, 07-10-2005 - 2:54pm

YOu meet someone new....you like each other....and eventually it leads to sex. More often than not it's in the early stages of dating. She's nervous, she wants everything to be good, she's thinking too much, and she's NOT relaxed, or at least as relaxed as she will be eventually. Some men have "problems" at this point of the game, too.

Ok, time goes by, she realizes everything IS good......and she can REALLY relax. That relaxation allows the arousal process to actually work, and her vagina is fully relaxed, and will SEEM looser, because it IS looser than it was originally. At the same time, the better the relaxation, the more lubrication is produced. More lubrication, less friction, and again, it SEEMS looser.

A woman can't "relax" her vaginal muscles. They're called "involuntary" muscles, meaning we have NO control over them. The arousal process is what relaxes them, in the same way that the arousal process gives a man an erection. It just happens, and we have no control over it. (However, as one person mentioned, the opposite, vaginsimus, IS controlled by the subconcious (subconcious being the key word) brain......and that control overrides the arousal process!)

No matter how much sex, or how big a partner is, when the sex is over....the vagina becomes tight again. The relaxation process will allow the vagina to surround whatever size penis is inserted. But it all goes back to the woman allowing herself to relax, not the muscles, but the MIND.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-24-2003
In reply to: kachstre
Sun, 07-10-2005 - 3:39pm

>>Ok, time goes by, she realizes everything IS good......and she can REALLY relax. That relaxation allows the arousal process to actually work, and her vagina is fully relaxed, and will SEEM looser, because it IS looser than it was originally.<<

Check, she can REALLY *relax*. Just like when we're calm, our heart rate slows down. Involuntary, yet voluntary.

>>At the same time, the better the relaxation, the more lubrication is produced. More lubrication, less friction, and again, it SEEMS looser.<<

Check. The more lube, the less friction, the more it feels loose. My point is the first two items you mention may be what this (smaller) guy may already be perceiving.

You explained it yourself, how difficult is it to understand?? You're echoing *everything* I said, why does it seem you're disagreeing?

>>But it all goes back to the woman allowing herself to relax, not the muscles, but the MIND<<

Ok, a virgin gets de-flowered by a guy with an 8" long by 6" diameter penis. She's nervous as hell and everything is tight, tight, tight. For all the wrong reasons, she's tight.

A couple of years go by with this guy and she's all relaxed. Things don't go well, they break up.

She meets a guy who's much smaller (let's say JoeAverage). You're telling me that her body, which is accustomed to engulfing a huge dick, will respond the same way to this new guy as if she was a virgin all over again??

Ok, let's take another example:

Let's say this woman has an identical twin sister. This twin's first guy is someone who has a 4" penis with 4" girth. After a few months they break up and she meets JoeAverage.

As far as she's concerned, he's a behemoth, and she's nervous. You're telling me that JoeAverage will feel no difference between the two sisters??

These are all what-ifs, but do you understand my point?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2004
In reply to: kachstre
Sun, 07-10-2005 - 4:12pm

"Ok, a virgin gets de-flowered by a guy with an 8" long by 6" diameter penis. She's nervous as hell and everything is tight, tight, tight. For all the wrong reasons, she's tight.

Yes, and even after she's relaxed, she'll still be tight. Each and everytime a woman has sex, she has to relax and the bigger the penis, the more time she'll need to adjust.

"A couple of years go by with this guy and she's all relaxed. Things don't go well, they break up."

See above. Each and everytime a woman has sex, her vagina is stretched, and returns back to it's normal size when not in use. ;-)

"She meets a guy who's much smaller (let's say JoeAverage). You're telling me that her body, which is accustomed to engulfing a huge dick, will respond the same way to this new guy as if she was a virgin all over again??"

Yep. I'm proof of it. My first boyfriend was huge and we were together for a few years. Each and everytime I had to brace myself....tee hee The guy I dated after him was average and the only difference was the amount of time it took to take him in at first because I was still tight.

"Let's say this woman has an identical twin sister. This twin's first guy is someone who has a 4" penis with 4" girth. After a few months they break up and she meets JoeAverage."

"As far as she's concerned, he's a behemoth, and she's nervous. You're telling me that JoeAverage will feel no difference between the two sisters??"

Yep. The vagina is an amazing thingy. It can adjust(if the woman's relaxed enough) to just about anything(girthwise), and then return to it's former state. I had two children and DH says that I feel as tight as the day we first had sex(and as I said in previous posts, a finger inserted when I'm very aroused feels big). I don't go out of my way to do kegels but I am multi-orgasmic so the sex I'm getting and the masturbation that I do, (natural kegels) seem to be sufficient.

There's one thing for sure from my own experiences, is that the way that intercourse feels is definitely influenced by the amount of my arousal and the amount and consistency of lubrication(I produce a lot of lubrication). But out of the two, I would have to say that arousal is the biggest factor. Women can have intercourse whether or not they're fully aroused. Isn't it like that for men as well? Don't you have different degrees of arousal and strength of erection? Same thing.

Imagination is more important than knowledge." (Albert Einstein )

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