Stretched out?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-09-2005
Stretched out?
63
Sat, 07-09-2005 - 8:01pm
Last March, my boyfriend of 3 years and I broke up. We had regular sex for the entire time we dated, and he had a large penis. Now I'm seeing someone new, and he is considerably smaller. This is no problem to me, but he didn't come when we had sex. Could it be that I'm "stretched out" from my previous, well-endowed boyfriend and it isn't tight enough for my new guy??? Or since it was a first time, maybe it was a nerves thing??? i'm worried!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-24-2003
In reply to: kachstre
Sun, 07-10-2005 - 4:54pm

>>There's one thing for sure from my own experiences, is that the way that intercourse feels is definitely influenced by the amount of my arousal and the amount and consistency of lubrication(I produce a lot of lubrication). But out of the two, I would have to say that arousal is the biggest factor. <<

And this is my point. She could be more relaxed (she's had bigger, so she needn't worry), more turned on, more lubricated. All of the factors that make a woman "feel" looser.

My ex-wife had a helluva time adjusting to me when we first had sex. She had 13 before me too. After a few months, it got easier. After three years, we separated for two months when next we had sex. Guess what? It did not feel like our first time again, it felt like our last time. She adjusted as quickly as she did two months prior.

>>Isn't it like that for men as well? Don't you have different degrees of arousal and strength of erection? Same thing.<<

Yup.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2004
In reply to: kachstre
Sun, 07-10-2005 - 5:10pm

"And this is my point. She could be more relaxed (she's had bigger, so she needn't worry), more turned on, more lubricated. All of the factors that make a woman "feel" looser."

My point in the "more turned on" issue is that the vagina like the vulva and clitoris engorges with blood(like a male erection), and that creates resistance. If a woman isn't aroused enough for that to occur, they'll be LESS resistance, which could make her feel less tight. When I'm extremely aroused, intercourse feels incredible, as opposed to just great when not so aroused. Just think about your own erection and how it relates to arousal and you can relate to how it is for women.

Imagination is more important than knowledge." (Albert Einstein )
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-09-2005
In reply to: kachstre
Sun, 07-10-2005 - 8:15pm
This is all very interesting. So we're saying, no matter how many times I had sex with Mr. Big, I cannot be "stretched" because the vagina goes back to its normal state. So the reason JoeAverage didn't come the first time we had sex can't have anything to do with my sexual history? That was my biggest concern.
Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: kachstre
Sun, 07-10-2005 - 8:20pm
Let's see....I've been having sex for about 32 yrs. now and I'm not stretched out. I'm pretty much the same size I've always been...save for some damage during one delivery.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-24-2003
In reply to: kachstre
Sun, 07-10-2005 - 9:09pm

Hell, your sexual history will probably make any man come in three seconds!

Nope, JoeAverage just couldn't step up to the plate.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
In reply to: kachstre
Sun, 07-10-2005 - 11:15pm

>>does that mean they've loosened up, or learned to relax?<<

I'd be inclined to think that you've also gotten used to the snug sensation. Not just a matter of her relaxing.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2004
In reply to: kachstre
Mon, 07-11-2005 - 12:47am

I wasn't disagreeing with anything you said, I was elaborating on it.

"She meets a guy who's much smaller (let's say JoeAverage). You're telling me that her body, which is accustomed to engulfing a huge dick, will respond the same way to this new guy as if she was a virgin all over again??"

Her body was accustomed to engulfing what it was presented with. If she's presented with something bigger, OR smaller tomorrow......she will "engulf" that in the same way. The vagina doesn't just "fall open" when it's aroused.....it relaxes. That relaxation allows penetration, of ANY size penis, or dildo or toy.

What you seem to think is that once filled with a large penis, it will always become "large", and it won't. If that were the case, a woman who's given birth to several 8-10 pound children will never be able to have sex with a normal penis, because her vagina would automatically enlarge to the size of a baby! By the same token, a woman can have sex for years with an average sized man.....but when she goes to her doctor for a pap smear, she's nervous, and the doctor has a hard time inserting a speculum, which if compared to a penis, is tiny!

Also, don't confuse "virginity" with the ability to "adapt". Virginity only means that she's never had a penis in her before. If she's nervous, and HE doesn't know what he's doing, it will be impossible. BUT, not all virgins are that nervous, and those that aren't have no more problem than an experienced woman.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2004
In reply to: kachstre
Mon, 07-11-2005 - 8:17am

Whether a man gets an erection, reaches climax or ejaculates has NOTHING to do with you, OR your sexual history! Hopefully, you know that your sexual "history" is something that he doesn't need to know anyway. All he needs to know is whether you're a virgin, or not a virgin. Beyond that, it's none of his business how many partners you've had, or their sizes or what you did with them. IF you gave him all that information, there could have been some mental "hangup" on his part if he's an insecure guy....and was worried about "measuring up". IF you told him, remember with the next partner that you shouldn't tell them anything, whatever is in your past, should stay in your past.

If a guy can't finish....that's his problem and has nothing to do with you. If you told him your last partner was "big".....that alone could make him insecure, and cause him problems.

Are you aware that sometimes even a doctor can't tell if you've been sexually active? There is no physical evidence to tell anyone how often you've had sex, or with what size man.

It's not unusual for a man to have a "problem" the first time. Men can be nervous, too! It's not a problem, unless you make it into one. After a few more times, and he gets more comfortable with you, everything will be FINE.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-24-2003
In reply to: kachstre
Mon, 07-11-2005 - 9:45am

>>I wasn't disagreeing with anything you said, I was elaborating on it. <<

I guess that threw me off. All your posts to me thus far have been to disagree, so I assumed the same.

We can go round and round about this, and I understand your point. My point is a matter of anxiety and nerves which you don't seem to get.

1) If she's got little to no experience and she's faced with a huge dick = nervous = tight

2) If she's got experience and she's faced with with a huge dick = relaxed = snug

3) If she's got experience and she's faced with a small dick = relaxed = snug

4) If she's got no experience and she's faced with a small dick = nervous = tight

Obviously, there are degrees to that too.

Rain's point is different.

1) Turned on = engorged with blood = tight

2) Not so turned on = not so puffed with blood = not so tight

-- I have to say, this was new information for me. Thanks is due.

and being that "tightness" is all relative anyway, westridge's point is thus:

1) Start of a new relationship = painfully tight, even if she's got experience

2) Relationship after some time = equally as tight, but both parties are accustomed to the level of tightness and don't feel it as intensely.

-- This too makes sense.

I hate it when people make analogies between sex and having a baby, but here I go:

I've always heard that from the second child on, giving birth is easier. Why is that?

Here's another one: I've heard this anecdote once or twice: The husband is on the large side and sex is somewhat painful for her if they're not careful (something you've pointed out). They have their first child and sex after is much more comfortable. Why is that?

Hmm, I forgot one more point - The degree to tightness is also dependent on position.




Edited 7/11/2005 10:01 am ET ET by muttley44
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
In reply to: kachstre
Mon, 07-11-2005 - 10:25am

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