Sudden Aggression?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-17-2005
Sudden Aggression?
4
Wed, 03-05-2014 - 10:22pm

This is quite a personal issue but I am hoping you can help me figure this out and give me some ideas.  My husband is an amazing soldier who loves his country as the next soldier. He has had several tours in Iraq and many other countries as well but Iraq has effected him the most.  Our sex life has always been amazing (we are in our upper 30's)! Always romantic, sensual but we try new things once and a while to keep things fun and fresh.  I have never complained about anything and it's something we both love so I have always felt blessed and we have an exceptional sex life (several times a week). Things have changed and continue to do so almost weekly since he returned back home this past tour. He is EXTREMELY aggressive, wanting to "go places" that we haven't gone before. He wants to take this controlling roll and have me be "submissive", he likes it extremely rough like "out of control animals" and the verbal things he says is quite vulgar and then he wants me to repeat after him!!! He suddenly likes pain..receiving and giving! This is revolved from something so beautiful to something so dark and painful. Can anyone shed some light on this odd behavior? Has anyone been through something similar? I have some ideas but before I talk to him I need some input and reassurance that I am not over reacting. Thanks for listening....this is so out of the box for me...

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2010
Thu, 03-06-2014 - 8:48am

My first thought after reading your post is that as long as you are comfortable with his suggestions then enjoy yourself but if things go where you aren't comfortable, then don't agree to it. It's probably a good thing for the two of you to talk about this and find out where this is coming from so you can decide if there is a problem or just a new level of excitement.

Nancy
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-14-2002
Thu, 03-06-2014 - 3:52pm

He may be dealing with some pent up emotions from his deployments.  I would suggest telling him outside the bedroom that while you want to make him happy, his current sexual preferences have made you very uncomfortable and you are worried.  You may suggest that the two of you seek some outside counseling  to help him understand where he is coming from.

CH

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2006
Thu, 03-20-2014 - 2:10pm

If it's anything that you are not comfortable with you need to tell him NOW. Sit him down outside the bedroom and tell him. It might not be a bad idea to maybe get some counseling too.



28999825.jpg picture by nhgal2006

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
Thu, 03-20-2014 - 2:36pm

This sounds like it might be a form of PTSD.  If you're uncomfortable with it, you need to talk to him OUT OF THE BEDROOM, and tell him you're not comfortable with the change.  He might need some counseling for it.