sudden increase in sex drive

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2004
sudden increase in sex drive
7
Thu, 08-19-2004 - 3:07pm


I never had a real strong sex drive, even when I was young (I am a 41 year old mother of 2, married 17 years) and after the birth of my second child, now 6, my sex drive has been extreemly low at best. My husband was very patient and understood and we were making love about twice a month. He always had to initiate and although it took time I would usually warm up eventually and orgasm about half the time. I rarely if ever masturbated, maybe once or twice a year. Now, almost overnight,for about a month, this has all changed. I think about sex constantly, we are making love once or twice a day and I have found some interest in masturbation. It still takes some time for me to climax but, I am really enjoying the arousal stage and being so intimate with my husband. There have even been some nights where I can hardly sleep, just waiting for him to wake up so we can do it again. So you ask... where's the problem? Im not sure. I am so suprised at myself that I am not sure if this is normal and/or healthy. Could there be an underlying health or hormonal issue I am dealing with? Will this all return to "normal" (I hope not)

The second part of my question entails what to do with all this sexual energy. As I have said I never had much sex drive so I/we rarely had a lot of variation in the bedroom. Now I am looking for ideas to take advantage of this situiation. I really want to make him as excited about this as I am and I dont want him getting bored or disinterested. I guess I want some suggestions about how to make him REALLY enjoy our time together. In the past it has always been him trying to excite me and now I want to return the favor but, because of lack of experience, Im not sure how. I know that this sounds really niave for someone happily married for 17 years, but I guess that is the effect of a lifetime of low libido. Any suggestions will be appreciated
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Thu, 08-19-2004 - 3:23pm

You high sex drive can be from hormonal changes if you are starting to go through perimenopause.


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2004
Thu, 08-19-2004 - 3:31pm
thanks for your response. I had considered this might be a sign of early menopause but, had heard that the reverse was true. Im glad that Im not alone. I'll try to just enjoy it and hope that it continues.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2004
Fri, 08-20-2004 - 1:29am
I agree with Tish....it's probably perimenopause, and your hormones are fluctuating all over the place. It's an old wives tale that sex is over when menopause hits.....it might be true for some, but I'll bet most of those are women who never liked sex in the first place, and this is their excuse to end it.

Also, you're finally a "mature" woman, who has learned to accept yourself as you are, and you've gotten over any insecurities or hang-ups that you had when you were younger. ENJOY IT!

As for your husband enjoying it as much as you do.....don't kid yourself, he IS enjoying it....he's loving it! Now is the time for you two to start talking, and start trying new things. I'm sure he'll have some ideas! Go out and get some soft porn videos if you need inspiration.

You're learning something now that I learned many years ago.....and the younger women have yet to learn. The older you get, the better it can be. When I was young, sex was "good" but it was also a kind of "duty" to make my partner happy. Now, I'm making myself happy, and my partner will reap the benefits.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-12-2004
Fri, 08-20-2004 - 1:24pm
Good post Tish.

Where in the hell were you when I got divorced?!?! LOL

Your Husband is a very lucky man.

And just as you said

Initiating is such a turn on for us men. We've had to do it throughout time.

And when my gf does initiate.....I am at her mercy, to say the least.

I've always said "the Golden Rule says it all."

"Do unto others as you'd have them do unto you"

If you like to be touched and complimented, so will he.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2004
Fri, 08-20-2004 - 11:32pm
Oh My God!!! This could be me, except it hit me a little earlier (around 35)! I'm almost 39 now, happily married 17 years, 15 and 13 year old daughters, and this hit me a few years ago. I had always been a willing and accomodating partner, but never really had a great passion for sex or anything related to it. We were a once a week couple, and hubby seemed content with that, but then when I came into my "prime" as I like to call it, I just couldn't get enough of him, anything, anytime, anyway!! Sometimes it feels like some sort of addiction or something, and it seems to be really bad at different times in my cycle. I'm so grateful that he was patient for all those years but sometimes I fear that I'm wearing him out (he's 53)!! I think it was God's little joke that men hit there "prime" at 19 and women at 35!! A group of dirty middle-age women like myself at work joke about going together on a "time-share" on a 19-year old!!! I've found that these forums have been an enormous help in regards to different positions, scenarios, fantasies etc. We have also watched the odd porn movie now and then, just to have different things presented to us and then we can talk about whether or not it would be of any interest to either of us. (I'm still somewhat repressed when it comes to asking for what I want or getting him to tell me what he wants). I'll even go into some of the free xxx fantasy websites to get interesting ideas.

So no, your not going crazy or anything, just came into your "prime"!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Fri, 08-20-2004 - 11:50pm
Congratulations!

I think hormones could be partially what is going on.... and can be controlled. Find a good dr and go talk to them.... be open and honest so they can help you. As for what to do to help with the sexual energy. I find going to the gym helps... Well... kind of... some days it just winds me up even more.

In one of the other posts here someone made the comment about how we all need to grow... in everyway as we mature and I could not agree more. I have never weighed more but yet in the bedroom I have no inhibitions and I am very sexually confident. Are there some things I like more than others... yes... but on a good night I can have over 6 orgasms where dh gets completely wet. For us when I am really wound up I find calling him and saying - you better not work too hard today because I hve plans for tonight - works well. He does work hard and can be tired, but I am always ready.

Do something fun - tie a bandana around his eyes and be the leader for an evening - light some candles - drugstore.com has some neat soy candles that you can massage with. Talk about your fantasies - both of you. Shave for him - or let him shave you... there are things you can do that will literally surprise the pants off him. And after all - isn't that the point?

C

Courtney

There's a great big beautiful tomorrow shining at the end of every day... there's a great big beautiful tom

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2004
Sat, 08-21-2004 - 12:45pm
Thank you all for your great support and ideas! mercedesmama131, I am especially glad to hear your story and to know that this is not likely to change. We are definitely enjoying ourselves more than ever. I guess I was concerned with turning him off because my intrest is so constant but, he assures me that wont happen.

Danielle