???? Suddenly a premature ejaculator....

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-01-2004
???? Suddenly a premature ejaculator....
9
Fri, 05-13-2005 - 4:17pm

New with a question

What happened to my DH????????????????????? In my first trimester he became nervous and started to ejaculate premature, but he was constantly telling me he didn't want to hurt the baby. WELL the baby is 4 months now what the hell is the problem? This is a man who would be like the energizer bunny and now I promise you it is always under 10min. At times he has had to apologize profusely. I never say anything, I just kiss him and say it's okay.. You know I don't want him to have a bruised ego but I NEED AN ORGASAM!and I can't come in 3.5seconds! I have toys but I think it would be ego bruising to pull out my vibrator after sex to finish myself off. SO I REPEAT WHAT THE HELL IS THE PROBLEM???

Nikki

Nikki

Hot Wife to Courtney & SuperMom to David & Michael

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2004
Fri, 05-13-2005 - 4:40pm

Glad you found us nikkimamma. Hope we can help.

Okay, two things:

1) Even have problems for stretches of time every now and then, and YES it is very much due to uncontrolled stress/nerves. Your hubby has perfectly clued you in on what his problem be when he mentioned concern about the baby, so you're pretty fortunate there.

I FIRST support the idea of counseling , and if not, then I'd keep talking with him about his concerns and let him know that it really is okay.

I'm saying this of course with the mindset that this IS a psychological cause rather than a physical one. If you think its still possible that something physical is the cause, then to heck with the "guesses" that we can provide you here, get your butts to the doc and get 'em checked out FOR SURE. Right? Right.

2) Many here are reminded that the lady's pleasure doesn't have to come from intercourse. You have toys? Awesome! How about using your FAVORITE toy to start you off...that being . Can he get you highly aroused with manual or oral stimulation? Can he bring you to the edge before you two hit intercourse? If Mrs. Para has trouble enjoying intercourse when I'm too stressed to last long enough for her, then I usually get her going with sensual body massages and stimulation first. I know her body well enough to get her perfectly satisfied even without the intercourse, so that helps quite a bit too.

In fact, getting HIM revved up the same way might actually help kill much of that stress and worry off more as well. I just think both of you would benefit from more and more foreplay, so keep that idea in mind, just might help, sure helped me & the Mrs. ;)

 

C  H  A  R  A  C  T  E  R

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-01-2004
Fri, 05-13-2005 - 4:49pm

Mr. Para..

I wasn't aware that stress could cause such a effect on his control. But then again that makes so much sense. Especially dealing with a new baby and a new wife (we are newly-weds) that has to have everything planned in advance, could be putting a lot of pressure on him. I will try my best to find stress relieving methods for him. And yes, he can bring to my peak orally and with my toys but my strongest ones are always from him, and that might be mental for me.

Nikki

Nikki

Hot Wife to Courtney & SuperMom to David & Michael

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2004
Fri, 05-13-2005 - 4:53pm

Even have problems for stretches of time every now and then,


Say it ain't so!

--


martinisnsushi - living the good life since 1963


CL Redbook "Get Inside His Head"

--


martinisnsushi - the two most important food groups!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2005
Fri, 05-13-2005 - 8:02pm
My suggestion is that he got into a habit of cumming soon after penetrating out of concern for the baby. It just became a habit hard to break. Guys can't just suddenly stop this and go back to 20-30 min. of pumping. Everyone else has offered suggestions of how to work around this or re-learn his behaviour. It won't be easy to slow him down. But at least you get continued and alternate attention, oral & otherwise, so that penetrative sex need not always be the main course of the meal.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2004
Fri, 05-13-2005 - 11:52pm

If he's lasting "almost" ten minutes, that's not PE.....that's just not lasting long enough for you. If he's concerned about hurting the baby, which he shouldn't be...then it's understandable. Take him to your next OB visit, and have the doctor tell him that he won't hurt the baby.

In the meantime, marriage is made up of compromises. You want your orgasms (which you say you can have orally or manually during foreplay) and he'd like to last longer. Sometimes we just can't have what we want, and we have to be patient. Settle for orgasms during foreplay, take the pressure off him, and this too shall pass!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-11-2004
Sat, 05-14-2005 - 10:40am

Hi nikkimama1:


IMHO, you both need to visit your OB/GYN.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-01-2004
Mon, 05-16-2005 - 11:54am

Hey~ MacMan04

He went with me to all of my appt's, but the issue now is the baby is 4.5months old.....I am just concerned that it is tooo early in our marriage for this.

Nikki

Nikki

Hot Wife to Courtney & SuperMom to David & Michael

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-23-2004
Mon, 05-16-2005 - 12:12pm
Does the baby sleep in your room? Does he/she wake up frequently? I know after the birth of my first child, it was hard to make love to my wife with the baby sleeping 2 feet away.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-01-2004
Mon, 05-16-2005 - 12:28pm
Yes, he sleeps in the room with us and since I nurse half way through the night he is in the bed with us. DS is pretty much on a schedule of waking up every 4 hours. I can really see where that could cause a problem. All of the possible explanations listed could all play a part. And what I am reading is it all can be fixed with time and that is good for my mental*L*

Nikki

Hot Wife to Courtney & SuperMom to David & Michael