talkin` dirty

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-17-2007
talkin` dirty
5
Thu, 08-09-2007 - 11:55pm

Ok, to the point-
I've been with "my first" for 3 years. He's been patient with me just getting used to the whole sex thing, but I haven't been comfy saying "stuff" he tries to get my to say. Its more like telling him what I want using "dirty" words. Its not like crazy stuff but just, oh man this is kind of hard for me to address. He usually only asks tries to get me to say stuff after we've been drinking.

I dont even like to say the word "penis". Is this normal?

Am I going about this all wrong? I'd like to be more open to different sex stuff too, like doing it outside or other places then the bed.

How do i get over my phobias? haha. He doesnt ever pressure me just incase you're wondering, hes ok wtih me being shy, I'd like to open up a bit more though. whynot.

thank you! :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2007
In reply to: sweetsurf
Fri, 08-10-2007 - 12:30am

Hi Sweetsurf

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I've been M to DH for 20 years. For the first 15 or so years I was a "good girl" in bed, because I am basically a "good girl". But listen.....being "Bad" is a whole lot of fun. I've allowed myself to be someone else in the bedroom.

Maybe you need to role play (in your mind). You don't necessarily have to let SO in on the game either.

There's also a book out there called "Good Girls Guide to Bad Girl Sex". (I think that's the title.)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2007
In reply to: sweetsurf
Fri, 08-10-2007 - 8:05am

I know it can take a while to become comfortable enough to talk dirty. It sounds like your guy doesn't want to pressure you, and he probably feels that you are less inhibited when you have had a drink or two. (Hence, the guy that always tries to get his girl a little tanked up.) Perhaps you have even been more relaxed during such times in the past.

I know that until much more recently, I might have said that I wanted things harder or deeper, and maybe talked about how it was after it was over, but the real dirty talk didn't come for many, many years. I think the word "penis" is too sterile. I don't think it would turn him on too much if you addressed it as such. Just using a word like "you" ... "I want to feel you inside of me" or "I love the way you feel" or "I just love your ______" or something similar can be a beginning place to step it up to. Some of my favorite dirty words are "Oh my God" or "I can't believe how good that feels" or "I need you to keep doing that", so you see, there really aren't any dirty words in there at all. The inflection of your voice can go a long way to relaying your intent, and when you're all worked up (breathing heavy, lost in the moment, being pounded, etc.) your voice will come across in a very sultry way.

I think of it more as thinking out loud. For years, the thoughts were running through my mind. I remember what a turn on it was when he actually did what I was wishing he would do. That's still very exciting, but it's a long wait between times when he can read my mind, KWIM? So, if you're thinking "That feels so good" or "OMG, I'm going to cum", then just let it go from your mind to your lips. You don't even have to say it loud, but believe me, it will work. Once you see the reaction you get from him when you do that, you'll find it easier and easier to do.

You can also practice when you're alone. During masturbation is a great time to give it a try. Listen to your own breathing and the changes it goes through. You'll start cluing into that and realize what a turn on it is. (Of course, you can do that during sex too.) Once you connect your breathing to the intensity of the act, then you can start putting words in too, even if it's just a word or two. The more you do it, the more you will get into it.



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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2007
In reply to: sweetsurf
Fri, 08-10-2007 - 1:04pm
i know you have heard the expression...good girl in public, sex kitten in private...well you have to release your inner sex kitten. i remember when i was oh so afraid of talking dirty. it's a whole thing. the purpose of talking dirty is to express your sexual responses and to feel a guilty pleasure afterwards. i mean saying "penis" makes me blush, but the way my lovers put it down, i have to glorify their male parts. just practice when you're alone, text him dirty words and see how comfortable. you have to do something that enables you to be free. watch a porn, do whatever, but once you get over that hump, you'll never want to go back.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-17-2007
In reply to: sweetsurf
Fri, 08-10-2007 - 1:17pm

Thank you for all your feedback. I dont know why words that correspond to a male part are hard for me to say, but I guess with time and my open mind i'll do whats comfortable when its comfortable, and tell him what i want in words hed like to hear. lol.

i love this sex talk board! theres not judgement and it seems like everyone will find someone with similar questions. :)

thank you!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2007
In reply to: sweetsurf
Fri, 08-10-2007 - 3:42pm

I'm glad that you're finding the board enjoyable. I think I can say on behalf of the members that it feels good when someone let's us know that we have helped them out in some way.

I look forward to getting to know you better as you post on the board.



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