Talking about sex.......

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-16-2004
Talking about sex.......
6
Thu, 09-15-2005 - 1:01am

I guess I'll post this since I mentioned it in my other post.......


I'll try and keep this as short as possible.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
Thu, 09-15-2005 - 2:03am

>>I mean.......I don't just want to slap him in the face with it. That would be drastic and a big change.<<

OK, I'd better start by explaining that I'm a "grab the bull by the horns" type of girl. Raising it all at one time is exactly how I'd do it. It's like getting into a pool - better to dive in and get it over with than prolong the agony. Besides, sometimes a big change is better than constantly making small changes.....because you don't have to keep thinking about how to make the next change.

If I were you, I'd discuss what happened in the past and explain how you feel it's impacting on your present communication. Perhaps say that you'd like to be able to discuss sex and ideas to improve your sex lives - but don't know where to begin. Then ask him how he feels about it.

Dress Up Games, Doll Makers and Cartoon Dolls @ The Doll Palace
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Thu, 09-15-2005 - 7:41am

I'm with Aisha on this, I'm also a take the bull by the horns type of person and if I want something, I ask for it.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2005
Thu, 09-15-2005 - 9:42am

I agree with the others.....just open a conversation. Don't do it in the middle of sex...do it in the livingroom when you're both relaxed, the kids are in bed, etc.

Just open up by saying "you know, I've been thinking, we never talk about sex! I'm sure there are some things that you think about but never mention, and there ARE things that I think about but never mention. Tell me something you'd like to try, or want me to do for you!" Hopefully, that will start the conversation rolling!

Do you communicate about anything? Or do you just let life happen? If you do have good communication, then sex shouldn't be any different than the budget, or where you'll take your next vacation.

Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 09-15-2005 - 10:18am

I think it can be difficult to change any habit or routine, that's not unusual since everyone is a little afraid of the possible reaction of a partner, criticism or judgement.

But have you considered buying an erotic book and reading passages from it to your hubby? That way, you can comment on the things that interest you and visa versa? Just another way of bringing things up that may be difficult for you to do on your own.

Once you get used to doing that, then you should become able to have more spontaneous and open conversations on your own. Just something I've used myself in the past.




Edited 9/15/2005 10:23 am ET ET by katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-07-2005
Thu, 09-15-2005 - 3:52pm
After deciding to rekindle our spark my husband and I came up with the idea of monthly sex chats to talk about how we are doing. DH had a hard time opening up about his desires and once I finally got the door open, I didn't want it to close! So we set up a designated time where we can talk about it. Both of us know when it is and neither of us gets blindsided by a conversation we weren't expecting. We can both think about what we want to say and keep that communication flowing!
Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 09-15-2005 - 3:57pm
My DH and I do the same, but it's more of a "state of the union" meeting. We discuss everything, not just sex.