talking about sex with daughter

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-21-2004
talking about sex with daughter
14
Fri, 01-28-2005 - 5:06am

My wife and I were talking about sex and young girls. We have three daughters and have always told them straight up about sex and reproduction. We live on a horse farm with alot of male horese so it's nothing new to them. But here is my problem. My wife wanted to talk to our oldest (12) about sex and maybe things she might have heard in school or camp. When I said i would also talk with her she (my wife) flipped out. She said she would have rather died than have HER Dad talk about sex with her. I'm feeling a little left out. I think it would be good for my daughter to have the MALE point of view. Or am I being TOO sensitive. Would you ladies have liked your fathers to have these talks or would it have been too embarresing as my wife has said.
Please give me your point of view

Thanks

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2004
Fri, 01-28-2005 - 4:55pm

Ok, I'm 19, so I was 12 years old not too long ago. Here's the deal:

As a kid, the last thing you want to believe is that your parents had/have sex. It's just notnice to think about. I know it sounds immature and ignorant, but it's how it is. It's just more comfortable for a child to have the sex talk with someone of the same sex. It's not so much cuz your her dad, but you are a male.

Have your wife ask your daughter if she wants to 'ask daddy some questions?' If she says 'ok,' then cool. Be there for her. But if your daughter doesn't want you there, it's upto her.

This can be a confusing time for a girl. And I think it's so cool that you want to be there for your daughters. But just think back to when you were 12: what if your mom started discussing the joys of sex with you? Kinda scary, am I right?

Your a guy, most girls want to talk only to girls about this, for now.

GOOD LUCK!!
-sammy

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Fri, 01-28-2005 - 5:41pm

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bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 01-28-2005 - 5:54pm

Wow, we sound very similar in personality and curiosity levels, although I was pretty shy as a child.

And similarly, my mother was more of the beat around the bush type with my Dad being the straightforward, "hold on to your suspenders, here's-the-truth-as-I-see-it" type. Sometimes he was TOO blunt. Maybe that's why I didn't want to hear his thoughts on this particular subject during my puberty! LOL!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2004
Sat, 01-29-2005 - 10:23am

Sis, I guess we're both outnumbered on this one, LOL! Anybody who doesn't appreciate strong opinion on this subject, click that ignore button NOW! LMHO! ;D

My father basically took the approach of being of the household and making certain that are followed. Back seat??? THAT man??? UH UH! Where do you think I got MY mental illness from? LOL!!!

Dad, back in the old days, set the law of the land for me and my sister. The sex talk was not something he directed with her, but he DID maintain involvement and made CERTAIN that she knew where he stood on things. He did not feel uncomfortable with ANYthing except for NOT getting his stern point across and he made certain we knew he cared for us and our safety. Man was AWESOME!

My STEPfather on the other hand afterwards took NO involvement at all and just let us be. At least with Dad, no matter how uncomfortable, we knew he cared and that there was REASON for him being as involved as he was and that he was THAT concerned for us. With our Stepdad, nothing doin. Didn't even exist.

I think the important thing here is to show that strength in personality, in character, both as a man and as a father, and make sure that the daughter KNOWS that the door is open for questioning and that she DOES have expectations from the father in that household as to how she handles herself from thereafter.

Yes it may be uncomfortable, but she knows that he is there for her and that HE HIMSELF IS NOT uncomfortable to discuss things with her. Keeping distance may make HER more comfortable, but not being there isn't going to bring her the male understanding she needs NOR will it cause her to believe that her father is comfortable and stable enough to talk to either. Just my honest to mercy opinion, disagree to your hearts' content.

Again, I grew up as both a military brat AND on the oooold fashioned farm with rules and guidelines and values, so I'm kinda unfixable from the start, LOL, and I obviously know that one way doesn't work for everybody. Whenever the father IS involved with the mother explaining these things, its obviously important to maintain realistic expectations and realistic flexibility. Good parents do that and really should not have to worry about it IMHO.

Face it though, its better to be informed of as many points of view as possible rather than just one or a couple of 'em. Besides, all cents are free, LOL!

:)
:)

(psst...Tish...bet ya we still have more snow than you)

 

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