Talking dirty all the time?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-15-2004
Talking dirty all the time?
7
Sun, 01-09-2005 - 1:18pm
My boyfriend likes me to talk dirty to him while we are having sex. I like doing it sometimes, but I have to be in the mood for it. I asked him if I could just do it when I felt like doing it, or if he could just ask me to do it when he really wants it done. He said that I can do whatever I want. I feel guilty about not talking dirty all the time because I'm worried that I'm not satisfying him if I don't. He says that it doesn't matter, but I just feel so awful if I don't do exactly what he suggests sexually. Should I just talk dirty all the time, whether I feel like it or not?
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Sun, 01-09-2005 - 1:49pm
No, you should not do it when you don't want to do it.

bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2004
Sun, 01-09-2005 - 1:52pm

First of all, don't fret, you are a VERY normal couple, LOL, trust me. In fact...

...there are couples out there that actually want LESS talk overall and then there are those that want more dirty talk too. Very normal either way, no biggie.

Answer: NO. If you are not really in the spirit of doing a particular something, then just don't do it. For many of us, its just simply not the same when something is done even if you're not wanting it...REEEEAL mood killer.

Be honest and love him the way your are comfortable with. Learning and adapting to each other is GREAT FUN in itself, but doing something that you just really aren't interested in is such a turn off, as you likely already know. As long as he knows how uncomfortable you are at it,

AAAAAAAAAAAAND,

as long as know what it is that he actually likes about it, I'd say that 'that' open communication right there is the healthiest way to go in dealing with this, or anything for that matter. Knowing what it is about this that turns him on so much may actually make it more exciting to do rather than not knowing why he likes it and guessing from there. Does he just like the confidence that comes with naughtiness? Does it make him feel wanted more for some reason? Who knows, but communicate and find out, just like helping him understand what you like about it.

Just my two cents. Good question.

C h a r a c t e r


above all else


Mr. Para

 

C  H  A  R  A  C  T  E  R

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2004
Sun, 01-09-2005 - 2:15pm

There are two people in a relationship. They BOTH have feelings and desires. Where did you get the idea that YOUR feelings and desires don't count in this relationship?

He's told you what he likes. That's good. You've told him that sometimes you're not in the mood. That's good. He's told you that it's ok. So, what part of that don't you understand?

Do you think that if you do ONLY what he wants it's going to make for a better relationship? It might make it better for him, but what about you? If you did it all the time, then that would make you a phoney.....an actress. Do you really think he wants THAT? If you can't do something honestly and from your heart, then DO NOT DO IT!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2004
Mon, 01-10-2005 - 2:55pm
When you talk dirty to him what do you say?? My BF wants me to but I feel odd! Now he is deployed and I have to do it! I just feel like I don't know what to say to him. I did a little bit and now he wants more also. I told him when I am feeling confident and bold I will but otherwise knock it off!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2004
Mon, 01-10-2005 - 5:33pm

Just thought I'd let everybody know that I started a new string on this in the Spicy Sex section.

I've included some VERY helpful links and I'm hoping we can get some of these posters to let 'er rip on the advice. The links were so helpful that I know feel like the most boring hubby in the world in bed, LOL, so I might actually tackle on a suggestion or two myself. Hope this is helpful.


http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/message.asp?webtag=iv-rlletstalkab&msg=16253.1

:)
:)

C h a r a c t e r


above all else


Mr. Para

 

C  H  A  R  A  C  T  E  R

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-15-2004
Tue, 01-11-2005 - 7:25pm
I usually just try to use a lot of really sexual words and talk about what I want him to do to me, what I want to do to him. I did it the other day, and it was kind of fun, but it made me feel like I was in a cheap porn flick.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2004
Wed, 01-12-2005 - 5:21pm
No, it is your sex life too. I wonder... what if you make other noises that let him know you are turned on and like what he is doing that do not require you to form words? Does that help? Lots of times guys just need the encouragement that they are in the right spot at certain times.