Talking during sex took a bizzare turn

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2005
Talking during sex took a bizzare turn
1
Tue, 05-23-2006 - 4:51pm

I'm a little confused. I have a male friend (FWB) that I have been seeing on and off for about 4 months. When we first hooked up it was amazing and we were both comfortable with the arrangement, but after that some life changing events happened (my mother passed away)and I moved, which has had a serious impact on my life and has shined some light on some of my behavior, I have done some soul searching. I've made some life stlye changes and since we are friends I shared them with him, he was very supportive and caring. One of my changes was that I was not going to continue to have casual sex anymore. I expressed my desire to form healthy relationships. We've talked several times afterwards and he asked me how things were going with me and in the conversation it came up that "he was out" meaning I wouldnt be with him anymore. I said well I didnt completely count him out. I do like him, alot actually, we have alot in common and were friends. So we openly talked about how we felt towards each other and that we felt the same way and we both thought about having a relationship with the other but with my move (4 hours away) it would of made things difficult. No resolution was really made, basically we left it up to destiny.

I went back for a friends graduation this weekend and I told him I was coming, he said he wanted to see me, to call him when I got in. I called as he asked and I got voicemail, I left a message. I didnt hear from all day into the evening. I proceeded with my day/evening with friends, went out dancing, by the time 11pm came I gave up on the fact that I would see him. So after a night of drinking and dancing with friends i made it back to where i was staying and then he texted me at almost 4 am. Then he called and asked if he could come by (booty call). I let him come over dispite my better judgement, When he got there he was drunk, so was I, but not as much. We talked a little but then ended up having sex. The part I am confused about is that he kept asking me if I loved him, over and over. I ignored him at first, then I said no, but he kept asking.

The next morning we were talking and he asked me "what happened to not having meaniless sex", I didnt respond. It took me a little off guard. Since we were on the subject of last night I asked him what was with him asking me if I loved him over and over, to which he didnt respond. He had something he had to do which i knew days ago and I had to get going myself we got ready to leave. I took a shower and when i came out I could feel a shift had occured between us, things were very strained, I dropped him and he gave me his hand not a hug or a kiss as we have always done when parting. I briefly spoke to him yesterday when he caught me online, and again the conversation was strained.

I know i shouldnt of let him come over when he's motives were so obvious, however I had told him that I would like to have something more with him and he agreed he felt the same but yet when we did get together it was just sex. I'm not confused as why he called so late, he's a man obviously he wanted sex, thats not rocket science, but why tell me he wanted something more before.... then why ask me over and over if I loved him then act like it was a one night stand the next morning.

I'm not mad, i'm confused... It seems so pointless to waste the energy to lie about wanting a relationship with and ask me if I love him if he just wanted to have to sex, which he was getting at the moment, I dont see the purpose. Talking dirty during sex is one thing but asking someone if you love them during sex seems very bizarre. WHY???

Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 05-23-2006 - 6:17pm

The only person who has the answers to all those questions is your friend. You can analyze, guess and assume all you want about what happened but ultimately, you won't be any closer to the answers.

IF you are hoping to hear that he would have professed his love for you if you had answered positively to his question, obviously, no one can do that.

IMO, it sounds like what it turned out to be....a booty call. Perhaps, by making you THINK that he might have stronger feelngs for you, you would continue to be available for sex.

Of course, he was drunk so he likely doesn't remember anything he said! People say all kinds of stupid things they don't mean when they are drunk.

I would strongly suggest calling him and having a lucid conversation about where you two stand. If he still won't be open about how he feels, then move on and look for a relationship with someone that can be. In the end, only you can decide if all this angst is really worth it.