Tattoo of my name on her lower back!!?!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-07-2011
Tattoo of my name on her lower back!!?!
9
Mon, 08-26-2013 - 4:31pm

This may not be the best forum on iVillage to discuss this, I don't know, but I thought I'd ask.

I'm 49.  On a recent trip to the west coast, I met a very cool 29 year old Asian girl.  One of the most petite girls I ever met: she's 5'-1" tall, 83 lbs., has very long black hair, and is a teacher in grammar school.  We hit it off and our first date ended up lasting four days.  She seems well grounded and is absolutely the most sweet and affectionate thing I ever met.  She doesn't seem to want anything; certainly not a gold digger.  She has only had two boyfriends previously, which struck me as odd because she is very attractive and has a ridiculously sexy figure.  All I can say is that there was instant attraction and we were holding hands and doing piggyback rides etc. within an hour, and she stayed with me at my hotel for the rest of the trip.  It was like everything was in fast-forward but on the other hand she was a normal, sweet, innocent girl.

Anyhow, when I first met her, she didn't have any tattoos or piercings whatsoever.  We were out shopping on, the third day after meeting her, and we saw a girl with a bellybutton piercing and I laughed and said, I love those (which I do, at least on slim girls).  She goes, "wow, I would be glad to get one if you want." 

"Really?" I asked, thinking she was kidding. 

"Sure." 

"Now?" 

"Why not."  So we go to a piercing place, and without the slightest drama she gets it pierced.  Said it didn't hurt a bit.  I thought it looked amazing. 

I came home to NY about ten days ago, and she is always texting about how much she misses me, etc. and that she thinks she has found true love.

Anyhow.  Today she got a small tattoo in the center of her lower back, consisting of my name inside a heart.  She texted several pics of herself with it.  This isn't a henna tattoo; it's the real thing.

I was instantly revulsed.  It seems so tacky.  And why would a pretty girl get a permanent tattoo with my name, for all the world to see, after knowing me for just four days?  She's probably one of the nicest people I've ever met -- at least based on our limited time together -- but this to me shows no judgment whatsoever.  I texted her that I honestly wasn't crazy about it, and I really thought it was awfully, awfully quick to make up her mind, and she just said, "oh well, I can't really change it now."  Won't they be highly concerned about that at a public school, if they see it?  I mean, who doesn't love a free spirit?  But this is a little excessive.  All the warm and lovey-dovey texts and emails keep pouring and I'm a bit confused by the whole thing.  

How do I respond to her?  Many thanks for any thoughts.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2011
Mon, 08-26-2013 - 8:17pm

It seems wierd but it's also seriously cute.  I guess I am wondering what you could have done in that brief of a date to make her want to do this.  If she already had a bunch ot tattoos, I would get it, but this being her first one seems very odd to me. 

You can't feel guilty about breaking up with her, if you ever need to.  It's not your fault.  It may be a little embarrassing if you're ever around your friends with her and they see her tattoo.  It's pretty trashy (but perhaps on a really petite girl like that it will not be quite as trashy as usual). 

But you must have done something right.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Mon, 08-26-2013 - 10:46pm

I would say that she is either naive for someone her age or lacks certain judgment about men since she is already telling you that she loves you after one great weekend together.  I wonder how you left it--did you agree to try to continue this long distance relationship?  Did you each talk about what you wanted in the future, etc?  When she said that she thought she was in love, how did you respond?

Anyway I think it's like a jinx on a relationship to get someone's name tatooed on your body--people should stick to the names of their kids.  MY exH was middle aged when we met (so was I) and he had a bunch of tattoos.  One on his chest was a heart with initials inside it.  It was of his 2nd DW who he got divorced from so he ended up getting another tattoo to cover it up.  If her tattoo is small and things don't work out, it will probably be easy to cover it up with a new one.  This does sound kind of extreme to me--like she is attaching to you way too soon.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-07-2011
Tue, 08-27-2013 - 7:31pm

That's pretty much how I read it.  The girl is wonderful -- super affectionate and just great to be around.  She has exactly the figure of a scaled-down supermodel -- her arms and legs are so svelte.  Just love that.  It doesn't make much sense; I am just normal, not God's gift -- I'm 6'-2", 200#, bald and wear glasses.  And more than a little bit nerdy.

It's not a small tattoo though -- say, about 2" in diameter.  I have never dated anyone with a tattoo before, let alone a tramp stamp.  She sends me messages every day that she loves me and is addicted to me and will wear or do whatever I want.  And I'm like, well, I mean I guess that's good (it's certainly much cheerier an outlook than my rather dour ex-wife's!)... but after such a short visit, what's left?

I mean, I would date this girl again for sure. She's pure glowing affection and compliments.  But I have no idea where it would ultimately go.  I just feel bad if we don't pursue this (LDRs are, obviously, pretty hard), and she gets a new boyfriend and it prominently says my name on her lower back.  It's her only tattoo.  I can't see how it could be all that easily covered up.  (Fortunately my name is pretty common -- I guess there is a chance she would find another...)

I guess what's wierd is, I was brought up to be a little cynical.  If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is.  Something sounds too good to be true here, but I don't see anything in particular.   What good deed did I do to have this tiny sexy little lovebug fall into my life for no apparent reason?  I don't get it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-28-1998
Wed, 08-28-2013 - 3:19pm

Maybe that cynical voice should run a background check on her just in case.

Also, if you have a pet rabbit, maybe you should send it somewhere for safekeeping.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-07-2011
Thu, 08-29-2013 - 2:30pm

I did just now run an online background check on her.  It was $20.  Surely it's not as comprehensive as doing a thorough investigation, but everything she told me does seem to check out.  So that's a start.  But while I am a pretty cool dude, I'm not nearly cool enough to induce a beautiful petite girl to get a tattoo after knowing her for four days.

What's this about a rabbit?  I don't follow.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
Sat, 08-31-2013 - 12:42pm

Glen Close - Michael Douglas - rabbit!  Have you seen the movie?  

 Aren't you the same tall sailor guy that had the g/f who liked to let it all hang out a while back?  Maybe it's your "picking" skills?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-07-2011
Mon, 09-02-2013 - 4:06pm

Now that you mention it, must indeed be about my picking skills.  Both of these girls more or less found me, but they share several physical and personality traits. Ultra skinny, no muscles whatsoever, very long black hair, and this bizarre combination of innocent sweetness and over-the-top sexiness that betrays some kind of lack of self-awareness.  They will do basically anything to get the guy and have an uncanny knack for figuring out how to do that.  There's not a mean bone in either girl's body, but there's definitely something odd.  Plus, it doesn't make sense that both of these girls, each of whom is very very attractive, would not already have a boyfriend.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
Wed, 09-04-2013 - 3:07pm

Well, they have probably had many boyfriends, but most men would not hang around with a woman who does weird things like wear see thru clothing or get a man's name tattooed after knowing him a few days.  Most men would realize that this is a person with REAL problems, desperation being one of them, and tell them that it's been nice......and walk away rather than try to psychoanalyze them.  Trained therapists can't help many people, you shouldn't even try.  Where are you finding these women???

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-07-2011
Thu, 09-05-2013 - 3:57pm

Listen, I appreciate the "tough love" comments.  They help.  The see-through clothing girl had had a lot of boyfriends, and it was a red flag to me that a very attractive sexy girl in her late 30s had never gotten married or anything like that.  I think it was indeed a case of desperation that felt to her like love.  This new one has only had two other boyfriends and I can't really pick out anything specific except that it's all so fast with her and there's this presumed intimacy and exclusivity that just says wacko.  

Looking at me with either of them, you'd say, here's a kind of nerdy, preppy guy who is bald and wears glasses and is maybe not so dumb, with a wildly tarted up tiny girl who follows him around, engages in excessive PDA, is uninterested in exercise, and does very little to initiate non-horizontal activities but rather just goes along with whatever he's doing.  They sure are sweet, but it makes just about zero sense and I reckon people don't really like these kinds of girls -- they're just not fun or witty or amazing.  I would rather find a normal girlfriend with a life of her own -- I already have a kid!!  You can't just eat dessert and have a full, complete and healthy life.