Tell a friend his wife wants to swap?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-1999
Tell a friend his wife wants to swap?
6
Mon, 01-21-2013 - 10:36am

In the past five years, a group of us (men and women) from high school started hanging out again. We have included spouses and do dinners together, concerts, bonfires, etc. Some of us women get together to shop and have lunch. We email, text and talk on Facebook. We do joke about sex since we are all married and adults. 

At our last get-together, there was A LOT of drinking and laughing. My one girlfriend, Becky, and I were chatting and all of a sudden, the tipsy wife of the guy, Kevin, I dated back in high school came up to us and said to Becky, "If you EVER want to swap, I'd love to do your husband! And you can do Kevin!" We were both stunned. Wife then went on and on about Becky's husband, but we played it off as a joke. There have been other times that we suspected Wife had a thing for Becky's husband, so this pretty much confirms it.

Kevin and I are very good friends and chat via email about once a week. My husband knows and doesn't care, but I've never asked if Kevin's wife knows. We chat about normal stuff: our families (kids), complain about our dysfunctional extended fams (parents and siblings), the weather, jobs, etc. In his last message, he pointedly asked about a lunch get-together that his wife wasn't invited to (it was mentioned on FB.) I don't know how to tell him what his wife said and that we are now uncomfortable with her. Even if I did, he may try to chalk it up to her drinking. I am apprehensive to respond because I don't want to even be remotely mistaken for jealous. And I sure don't want to hurt him by saying his wife wants another man and offered him up for exchange.

(Although the general consensus among us is that Wife is the insecure one, which is why she waited til alcohol gave her liquid courage to offer up her husband to my friend in front of me. Becky's husband said if she ever brings it up again, he is telling her off and bringing Kevin into the conversation. As he said, "I sure wouldn't have sex with a woman just because her husband wanted to do my wife! How pathetic is that?")

We do have a "swinging' couple in our group, but they keep their lifestyle on the downlow because they have younger kids and don't want anyone to misconstrue their intentions. Becky plans on just writing off Kevin and his wife.

Should I tell Kevin what his wife said to Becky in front of me?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-1999
Sun, 01-27-2013 - 1:49pm

UPDATE: I have talked with my friend about his wife, and he was horrified. Why tell him? Because without his knowledge, this was a proposition to her cheating. That's a great way to LOSE friends and not know why. Drinking is NOT an excuse. There's a saying, "Drunken words are sober thoughts." If that's true, DON'T GET DRUNK!  Laughing

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-1999
Sun, 01-27-2013 - 1:38pm

Yorkie, you seem to have misunderstood me entirely. My hubby and I do NOT participate in the swinging lifestyle.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2013
Sat, 01-26-2013 - 2:01am

I do believe you need to be careful since there is a difference between what is said while drinking and discussing the topic in the "cold light of day." This means I would discount the statement and when they have not been drinking asking them again about the statement. Given this is a group of friends that all of you are a part of discussing the subject may mean others may know of your interest. This means, you need to careful how you approach this and ask yourself, would you want your friends knowing you participate in this type of lifesytle. If you are fine with others knowing then 'go for it,' otherwise be careful.

Avatar for xxxs
Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
Mon, 01-21-2013 - 9:27pm

  Say nothing.  There is a Japanese custom among salarymen to go out and get drunk Saturday night.  Anything said is considered the saki talking.  IMO consider it the alcohol talking. 

dragowoman

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-1999
Mon, 01-21-2013 - 12:34pm
Thank you for responding. Good food for thought! Yep, I would most definitely want to know if my hubby proposed sex to my friend AND if he tried to "sweeten" the deal with me. Kevin has told me in emails that he's had rough spots professionally and not felt like a man because he couldn't provide for his family. Only once have we discussed the cheating I did on him back in high school, and he said it hurt him for many years that he couldn't make me happy. (He was truly a nice guy, but I had very low self-esteem and many issues. My cheating was MY fault and doing, not his and I told him that. A heart-felt apology 20 years later, but he said it still made him feel alot better.) Also, there have been 2 other occasions that made Becky and I suspect Kevin's wife has a thing for Becky's hubby. I think Becky doesn't want to say anything because she is afraid of being accused of lying. Kevin's wife portrays herself as June Cleaver. She brags about being married in the Catholic church and going to church every Sunday and being a stay-at-home mom. Kevin's wife once told me that she people look at her and know she is the "good, girl next door."
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2007
Mon, 01-21-2013 - 10:43am

The simple question to ask yourself is - would YOU want to be told?

Why did you suspect she had a thing for Kevin? Was that incident just one, or have there been others?

If it was just that one time, I might chalk it up to being drunk, but, if it is a pattern, or it happens again, I might say something.