Tender vs. Rougher Sex

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Registered: 03-26-2003
Tender vs. Rougher Sex
12
Wed, 06-16-2004 - 2:54pm
I had sex for the first time the other day with a guy I've been dating for a while. We connect mentally but sexually, I'm not so sure. Now, I've only had two previous sexual partners and their lovemaking style was gentle and slow, with lots of foreplay and tender kissing and licking, and this is what I like. I used to undress for my exes slowly and they knew how to savor every moment of lovemaking.

This new guy, well, he is rougher. He took my clothes off for me sooner than I could say go and seemed so excited to have sex that he started fingering me and giving me oral sex right away with barely any kissing and carressing, which is what I need to get aroused properly. I told him that I am not used to this kind of lovemaking style and asked him to be more gentle as he seems to have a rough touch with his mouth and hands, but I don't think he understands. The sex was good I must admit because it was very intense and spontaneous, and he is more assertive in bed than my previous boyfriends but the foreplay was too rough and brief for my liking. He also likes to bite playfully, which is not my thing.

How do I train him, so to speak, to make love to me the way I enjoy it without insulting him? I told him it is different that what I am used to and that every woman is different but he said that he was actually trying to be more gentle than he usually is. He's also more experienced and older than my previous lovers. I'm curious to know whether most women find this lovemaking style enjoyable or do most of them enjoy the slow, gentle kind. I would think it is the latter but I may be wrong. Would demonstrating what I like on him be a good idea? Plus, how do I make him calm down when he is around me and not get so excited about getting straight to the sex? I have no problem telling my lovers exactly what I like so that is not the problem. I just don't want to insult him in the process since he seems pretty confident that what he is doing is sure to turn me on. Any help would be appreciated.


Edited 6/16/2004 2:57 pm ET ET by lorlene

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 06-17-2004 - 7:10am
I did not say it had been two weeks since he had sex. It had been longer than that. It was our first time having sex so I'm not going to give him a rundown of everything I like the first time though I intend to do more of it in the future. I told him what he was doing that I did not like and how to do it differently but it took him a while to get it as he seemed pretty set in his ways. I actually loved that he jumped me and tore my clothes off but it was the first time a man did that to me with such intensity and it kind of took me by surprise. I know how to say no to something I don't want to do and have in the past.

To Tiana Rose, I did give him a massage after the two times we had sex that night and he enjoyed it very much. He was so relaxed that he could not move but he is a very hyperactive person so he regained his energy quickly. I will try giving it to him prior to the sex next time. Sure, I will keep you posted on new developments. Thanks again for all the advice.


Edited 6/17/2004 7:16 am ET ET by lorlene

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2004
Mon, 06-21-2004 - 5:59pm
We have a long way to go - but it's going well, thanks.


Edited 6/22/2004 1:36 pm ET ET by tiana_rose

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