Is there ANYTHING I can do about this???

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2004
Is there ANYTHING I can do about this???
8
Tue, 09-14-2004 - 2:10pm
I am a 29 year old woman involved in an up and down relationship with my 32 year old boyfriend of 18 months. He has been complaining about his size "down there" for a few months. He tried one enhacement product that didnt work, now he wants to try another one. Our sex life is GREAT and I have never complained, in fact, I tell him how much I enjoy it all the time, but he is so self conscious he doeesnt believe me! We just got into an argument because I made him stop in the middle of sex because he thougfht I was "faking"! I was completely insulted and he felt like I was just trying to humor him and apologized. I almost broke up with him over that becasue I felt embarrased and insulted! Can anyone give me advice to help him before this desroys our relationship!!!


iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Tue, 09-14-2004 - 2:17pm

You have assured him and tried to convince him that you enjoy sex with him and everything about him.


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2004
Tue, 09-14-2004 - 4:26pm
TOTALLY agree with Tish!

Cannot agree that this would be something worth breaking up for, but thats just me. He obviously didn't mean to insult you and was simply so wrapped up into his ability that he didn't think clearly.

Just a guess, but ya gotta admit, its a good one, right? ;)

Perhaps showing him a website or two that clearly identifies your pleasure zones may actually help convince him that he is reaching the areas you need. Also, asking him if HE feels pleasured enough during intercourse or not may trigger a light bulb up there too. Some guys, yes, others, who knows. Not the best idea for all couples, but an idea or two nonetheless for ya.

Perhaps convincing him that different positions work as well would help. Why don't you two look at these and see if there's any that will ease his worries (remember to say that these are designed for greater female pressure so that he settles down):

http://magazines.ivillage.com/cosmopolitan/sex/no/articles/0,,544153_633458-1,00.html

I'd be SHOCKED if this type of concern on a man's part was the only one, so I suggest also checking the Dr. Ruth board for any 'past' advice that was given to others in the same situation. No matter what you do, PLEASE post back here and let us all know what has worked for you, k?

http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-rlruth

:)

:)

C h a r a c t e r


above all else


Mr. Para

 

C  H  A  R  A  C  T  E  R

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2004
Tue, 09-14-2004 - 11:33pm
What happened a few months ago to suddenly create this obsession of his? He certainly didn't shrink!

If he's so obsessed that he's accusing you of faking, then he's got a real problem. YOU can't give him self esteem....that comes from him.

It's unfortunate that something has made him think that size is all that important. Even a smaller than average man can be a good lover, and a good lover understands that penis size has very little to do with pleasing most women.

If he's wasting his time and money on crazy things that will never change his penis size, and allowing it to destroy your relationship in the process....he's got a real problem, and probably would benefit from some professional help. But, unfortunately, you can't force him to do that, either. It's all up to him to get over this, either alone, or with some help. Good Luck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-14-2004
Wed, 09-15-2004 - 3:12am
ok i am not real sure but i say this.

if you have told him that his size down there doesnt bother you and you have tried to show him that you love him and whatnot then i am going to say there isnt much you can do. really. its his own deal.

guys can be a tad bit weird about their "down there" lil man. ya know?

all you can do is just support him and tell him you love him.

be as supportive as you can . =)

~april~

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2004
Wed, 09-15-2004 - 12:33pm
Thanks for the replies..I checked out that website, Para...it was "Muey Caliente!" LOL We already practice a lot of those positions and usually switch positions at least twice every time we have sex. We are super, duper sexually compatible. Its just that he is so insecure about himself in that ONE area. His size is perfect to me physically and he knows that, but he watches a lot of porn so I think hes comparing himself to a standard! It would drive me crazy if I compared myself to porn women! He apologized profusely about accusing me of faking and doing "sound effects" as he so delicately put it. I think its just genuinely hard for him to believe I am so stimulated by him. Anyway, he is very satisfied on his end with my performance, and likewise. I hope we can squash this issue!
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2004
Thu, 09-16-2004 - 12:42am
Sure hope ya can, but moreover, I actually you can. I'm not saying I have the answer for 'your' situation, but the cause of this is just too avoidable to not be solvable in my opinion.

Here we go, the porn. LOL! Not really surprised, it affects a lot of couples. I'm going to play scratched record here and repeat a couple of things, okay?

I still think it would help him what you're saying and even doing if he was actually taught a little more "in detail" about what causes your pleasure during intercourse. Even with illustration. This, in my opinion, just might have a chance at clueing him in on the FACT that his size is such an insignificant factor compared to his experience.

Someone a long time ago posted that she took the bull by the horns and actually gave orders as to what SHE wanted, that way her own man back then didn't even HAVE the chance to question whether or not she was satisfied, LOL! The things we learn from here, huh? ;D

Hope all works out for you. WHEN they do, teach the rest of us and those who lurk here. Good luck!

C h a r a c t e r


above all else


Mr. Para

 

C  H  A  R  A  C  T  E  R

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-24-2003
Thu, 09-16-2004 - 9:56am
Here's an idea. Get one of those penis extenders and try having sex with that on. If it gets uncomfortable, tell him to stop, remove it and have sex without it. If he really is perfect for you, the extender will be uncomfortable.

For me it would settle on any "fit" compatibility issue.

If he doesn't want to try the extender, try a dildo slightly longer and/or fatter. Nothing drives the message home more than actually seeing it.

If he really wants to do these exercises, tell him to save his money because there are free sites with far more information than that of pay sites.

And lastly, you may not want to hear this, penis enlargement exercises can enlarge a penis permanently. It needs a lot of discipline, patience, and realistic expectations.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2004
Thu, 09-16-2004 - 10:58am
Love the ideas that youu guys suggested! This morning, before I came to work we had a session and it was fabulous for both of us! Beforehand, I discussed what had happened and told him that I'm sorry that he felt I wasn't being sincere when we had sex, and that I truly behave the way I do with him during sex because I enjoy it with him so much. He responded well to that andd we had a good conversation. The fabulous sex followed, and it was so intimate *sigh* Anyway,regarding the dildo...we do that ALL the time, I have never suggested it, its always been his idea. I'm pretty ambivalent about it, but I think he believes I enjoy it more with the added stimulation. I think we are determining that we are both somewhat sensitive in the sex department. We definately need to communicate our needs and attitudes more. I initiate it more than him, and sometimes he thinks I just want sex out of him (I do have a high libido and he is gourgeous, but thats beside the point) He came over last night after work and after the sex discussion he asked me "what his purpiose was for coming over" I told him "because I enjoy spending time with you" and asked hin the same question, to which he replied, "For the same reason" So, I think he needs to be reassured that I love him for HIM and not just sex. (sounds weird coming from a woman, huh?) I am at the point where I am embracing and exploring my sexuality and told him that. Sex and the City, I tell you! LOL