THREE-SOME

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2004
THREE-SOME
8
Wed, 06-08-2005 - 12:03am
CAN SOMEONE TELL ME WHY AFTER ME, MY HUSBAND AND ANOTHER WOMEN FRIEND HAD A FEW GOOD TIMES TOGETHER THAT MY HUSBAND NOW THINKS IM FOOLING AROUND WITH EVERYONE AND THEIR HUSBANDS. i ALWAYS THOUGHT THIS WAS A GUYS BIGGEST FANTASY. NOW OUR MARRIAGE OF 22 YEARS IS GOING DOWN HILL SINCE THIS HAPPENED IN OCTOBER. i NEVER DID THIS BEFORE BUT WE ALL WERE WILLING. WHY???????
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
In reply to: lvhearts
Wed, 06-08-2005 - 1:08am

Unfortunately we often hear from people that a threesome changes more things in their relationship than they thought that it would. Sometimes a fantasy should remain a fantasy. Reality is often different from the fantasy.

Without any more information to go on, I suggest that the only thing that you can do is sit your husband down and tell him that you are NOT playing around with other men. Talk to him. Reassure him. And I think that you need to think about whether or not you should have a threesome again.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
In reply to: lvhearts
Wed, 06-08-2005 - 7:57am

That happens often with threesomes, one partner gets jealous, gets suspicions, starts making accusations, etc.


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: lvhearts
Wed, 06-08-2005 - 12:25pm

This is part of the risk of inviting others into your bed. This must have dredged up some insecurities for your DH about your possibly wanting some kind of reciprocal act with another man.

But despite what people will claim, no one can truly predict how they will FEEL afterwards, no matter how much planning and troubleshooting goes into the process. And because these emotions aren't logical and can't be pre-planned, unfortunately, you're left to deal with the consequences of a mutual choice.

I would suggest counseling to try and repair the damage.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-07-2005
In reply to: lvhearts
Wed, 06-08-2005 - 9:00pm

Pleaste excuse my spelling.

Woman, you opened up a BIG ASS CAN OF WORMS! It is every man's FANTANSY and If you want your relationship not to go down the crapper it remains a fantansy. Fantansy's have thier place in a marriage and not all of them need to become reality to serve thier purpose. Why shouldn't your husband suspect you? You guy's crossed a line in your relationship that never ends well. After a 22 year commitment adding another person to the bedroom is not the road to go down if you want a committed relationship. Your husband is realizing that wow, if my wife is willing to do this what else will she do? and he is not comfortable with where the thoughts lead him. What you are dealing with is common after a threesome. Good luck you may want to add a therapist to this party so you and your husband can find a constructive way to deal with the backlash in a neutral environment.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2005
In reply to: lvhearts
Thu, 06-09-2005 - 10:00am

this is the worst thing you could ever do!!

you love your s.o. sooo much?? then keep it between you and keep it special between the 2 of you.

i recently learned my gf had a foursome before i knew her. and this is hard enough for me to get over even though i wasnt even in the picture. it kills me!

dont do it!

you'll regret it!

if your "truly" in love you shouldnt even think of sharing your partner with anyone else!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-15-2004
In reply to: lvhearts
Thu, 06-09-2005 - 7:21pm

lvhearts,
I don't think all threesomes end up being bad. In fact, there are a lot of people who have successfully had threesomes without it negatively affecting their relationship. Is it possible that this sudden jeaoulsy is not directing related to the threesome? Maybe the threesome awakened your sexual desire and appetite - have you been talking about doing new sexual things lately? Have you been wanting more sex lately? A change in sexual desire can cause alarm bells to go off in spouses heads. The main thing is to talk to him about why he feels you are cheating, or wanting to cheat, on him.

Out of curiousity, how did the threesome come about? Who's suggestion was it? Did you talk about boundaries at all? Have you two ever talked about it before in your marriage? Has the relationship with the friend changed at all?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2004
In reply to: lvhearts
Fri, 06-10-2005 - 1:21pm
we never talked about adding another person to the bed. we were all in the spa, us two girls drinking big time and my SO wasn't. us girls were talking about sex and how she had a three some. I had said that I never did with another women. she went on to say how sensual it was. she was brushing up against me and before i knew it I made the first move. SO didn't object. This happened two or three time and boundries were set but we didn't follow them. I'm over the incident but my SO seems to blame me and seems to hate me. He wants a divorce and I'm devastated. I love him but as people have said if I truely loved him I wouldn't have share him with another. The women and I are still friends. We discussed it and will not do this again. SO calls her a pig. Which is what I think he thinks of me. Note: He is controlling and jealous anyway.
Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: lvhearts
Fri, 06-10-2005 - 2:00pm

IF you and this woman were drinking and clearly not in control, then why didn't your DH stop it the 1st time? Isn't that what most husbands and wives SHOULD do if their partner is under the influence and crossing a boundary? He must have been enjoying watching the activities or he would have done something!

After that though, you both have to take responsibility for the repercussions of your choices. I feel for you and I agree that your DH is being very judgemental and hypocritical for actions that HE clearly went along with. But now you now know this about him, this could be a blessing in disguise. A initially painful one to accept, but a blessing nonetheless.

This should be a cautionary tale to those considering a threesome or swinging, in general. You can't always count on controlling your emotions, much less those of your partner after the deed is done.