Threesome

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2004
Threesome
66
Tue, 06-01-2004 - 11:05am
Hubby and I had a threesome(our fourth) with a man a month ago who was incredible in bed, and who was well equipped. Unlike all of the other threesomes(two were FMF), he is a man that my husband works with. We socialize with him often, and he's unattached(has been for almost two years), and he's sexy as all hell! I find myself thinking and fantasizing about him all of the time, wanting to have more sex with him, and I believe that I'm emotionally involved to some extent. He was over yesterday for the holiday, and at one point he looked at me and said we have to "get together" real soon, and then he winked. Has anyone else ever gotten so attached over the third-person in a threesome? If so, how did you proceed?

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2004
Wed, 06-02-2004 - 8:45am
My SO says the same thing about threesomes. But the one thing she has always said, and always will say is that sex with me is far more meaningful, satisfying, and wonderful. Yes, a threesome is awesome. Even I will agree to that. Two people with the sole purpose of pleasing you. Hey, its great. But you are taking it way to far. Trite? That is just wrong. No matter what your SO should be the most important, and it appears to me that regardless of how strong you think your relationship with him is, you are slipping away, and not really looking back. I have, and will continue to engage in threesomes with my SO, even though our first experience did not go as well as planned. But, we are secure with each other, and know that the other is the most important. I am her best, and no matter what anyone else is able to do, she is my best. The love we share is true, and when we make love, it makes everything else pale in comparison. Hey, if you both know the truth, the WHOLE truth, and you want to continue the way you are, No one on this board will have anything more to say about it. But the truth is, you are not being fair, or loving to your husband at the moment. Your honesty is coming into question, loyalty, and love for him as well. This whole situation stinks of divorce coming around the corner, and you don't seem to care, which I think is pretty sad. What if your husband was to say today that you and he will never engage in another threesome as long as you are together???? Would you leave him then? Or would you just start cheating on him with this Mr. Hotstuff???
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2004
Wed, 06-02-2004 - 8:59am
There is very little chance of that, but O.K. Lets play this game. My opinion on sex is the same as my SO. There will never be anyone better than her, until I no longer love her. Love makes sex the most awesome experience in the world. With out love, sex is trite. Without love, sex is nothing more than pleasure. Sure, can he make her orgasm, and orgasm hard?? Of course. She has me there doing everything and then some. Can he make her orgasm from oral? He did, and she loved it, but when it was all said and done, and everything was figured out, there was no doubt who was better. She even told me how he did it, and you know what??? He did have a very interesting, and good technique. So, guess what? I have added it to my own techniques, and made it better. Without the love we have, I am sure that we would have great sex, but no where near the level we have now. I have never known a feeling like I do when I orgasm with my SO. If I found something that another woman did, that really hit the spot, got the blood boiling, made the temp go up, and made the sky the limit, then I would try and teach it to my SO, so that she could do it for me. I want her to be the one that takes my breath away. I do not suffer from feelings during a threesome. As Tish said in another post about worries, they are left at the door, and will be there waiting when you leave. Or something like that. LOL Anyway, the point is, Sex with SO is never trite, and I hope sex with me never becomes trite. The moment it does, I no longer have a relationship, I have an arrangement like Tiana said before. You don't need or want our input, so I am confused as to why you even posted here. In our collective opinion it seems, you are in the wrong, and need to wake up and see what you are doing. You and your husband may have this agreement, but it is not for the reasons you stated. It sounds like you both are bored with the other, and need some fresh meat. Well, make it real, and get out of the relationship. Let me guess, you have kids, and are still together for there sakes??? Your whole relationship is very sad to me, because it doesn't seem like love even lives there, only friendship, if even that.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2004
Wed, 06-02-2004 - 9:07am
>>I just can't understand how sex with you partner can be boring if you are trully committed to each other.<<

I have to echo Tish here. If you were so truly committed to each other, then sex with each other would not be so boring, trite, or dwarfed. Dwarfed is a funny word for you to use by the way. Your hubby must be a rather small man. Especially since you are all wrapped up in this other guys size. It is very saddening to see that someone who claims one thing can show so many the complete opposite and not realize it. Oh well, your life. Good luck.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2004
Wed, 06-02-2004 - 9:41am
The reason I posted was to get ideas from those who have been in my shoes on how to proceed. The advice was to dump him for the sake of my marriage. Why would I do that? It was the best, and I plan on repeating it again and again for as long as he's interested.

I said that sex with my husband seems trite compared with a threesome because that's the truth, of which you seem to agree. Hubby is a great lover, and I love having sex with him, but it still can't compare.

Some believe that I'm being dishonest by ommission. This is the arrangement my hubby and I have. We began having threesomes over two years ago and we discussed it for two years prior to that. We agreed that anything goes, and that's the only true way that we can enjoy them for what they are. We understand the consequences, of possible attachment, but we feel that if that happens, it was meant to be. We're free birds really. We love each other so much, that we like to tempt the gods. We trust that whatever happens, happens for a reason. No need to discuss each and every feeling and rate each partner openly. I really don't want to know, all I want to know is that he enjoyed himself. It works for us.

I will continue to have sex with Mr. Hotstuff because that's what I want to do. Hubby knows what he said to me the other day because I told him. He wasn't surprised, in fact he expected it because they had also discussed it at work. We only have sex with those we are extremely attracted to, so for all I know he could have felt the same way with the women we had sex with. They're gone now, and Mr. Hotstuff will be one day too. With that in mind, I'm going to enjoy him to the fullest.

I appreciate all of your input. Hubby and I do love one another very much, we do have an intimate relationship, but realistically sex within a threesome makes it dwarf in comparison-----which is why we do it. We have an anything goes policy, and feel that if someone can steal our hearts, then it was meant to be. We also accept that there will be others who are better skilled than either of us. It all comes with the territory. So far, so good. Four threesomes and counting.


iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2004
Wed, 06-02-2004 - 9:51am
I never said sex was boring with my hubby. I was trying to bring out how great threesomes are in comparison to one on one. Dwarf----I believe I chose the correct word. Not relating to penis size, but that one-on-one sex dwarfs(seems small in comparison) threesome sex. Due to the enormity in impact to our psyche, even though sex together is satisfying and intimate, it still seems trite compared to our threesome experiences----which is why we are becoming more and more excited about having them. We decided that we are going to try and keep them flowing and try and schedule them on a monthly or bi-weekly basis. I will admit that the fantasies linger for many weeks after the actual deed.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2004
Wed, 06-02-2004 - 10:00am
Those who would never engage in threesomes could also claim that those of us who do engage in them, aren't truly committed to one another. I am truly committed to my husband as of right now, and right now is all that I know and all that I can promise.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2004
Wed, 06-02-2004 - 10:14am
If either of us didn't want to have threesomes any longer, than we'd still be happy together. They're not a necessity to our well-being, and sex between the two of us is very fulfilling and satisfying. We simply enjoy the challenge of bringing others into our little intimate marriage.

You can try and trivialize it any way you want, but if your SO and you feel that threesomes are *stunning* *awesome* then you're meaning to say they're better. One could also state that if your one-on-one was so fulfilling, satisfying, stunning and awesome, then there would be no need at all for threesomes at all. There's a reason we choose them despite the high risks involved all around. They have to be awesome and stunning or why would anyone take those risks.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2004
Wed, 06-02-2004 - 10:15am
No, thats not true. Those who know my SO and I know we are committed to each other. Even the man we shared our experience with knows this. He has enough respect for me, her, and our relationship that he does not make advances, and the comments he makes are for our(as in all three of us) humor and enjoyment. We talk openly and honestly, completely, and without hesitation all issues related to our relationship. We do not keep secrets regarding our experience, and we do not expect to ever do it again. We would both like to do it again, but if it doesn't, we are no worse for wear.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2004
Wed, 06-02-2004 - 10:26am
I see you missed my point. It's a matter of perspective. You gave me it from the perspective of 'the other man'. I was giving you the perspective from someone who would never dream of a being involved in a threesome. The other man believes in threesomes and would probably believe that the two of you are committed, but an outsider who is in a committed monogomous relationship, would probably not feel that you two were. The important thing is that you feel you are, because you make up your own rules of committment. Commitment means different things to different people.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2004
Wed, 06-02-2004 - 10:32am
~~~~Group sex actually is a selfish act, when you think about it - you are admitting to your partner that they are just not enough to fulfill your selfish desires.


Pages