Threesome

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2004
Threesome
66
Tue, 06-01-2004 - 11:05am
Hubby and I had a threesome(our fourth) with a man a month ago who was incredible in bed, and who was well equipped. Unlike all of the other threesomes(two were FMF), he is a man that my husband works with. We socialize with him often, and he's unattached(has been for almost two years), and he's sexy as all hell! I find myself thinking and fantasizing about him all of the time, wanting to have more sex with him, and I believe that I'm emotionally involved to some extent. He was over yesterday for the holiday, and at one point he looked at me and said we have to "get together" real soon, and then he winked. Has anyone else ever gotten so attached over the third-person in a threesome? If so, how did you proceed?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2004
Wed, 06-02-2004 - 10:33am
It is not because they are awesome or stunning that we do them. I feel that the pleasure one gets from a threesome is different. Not better. It is impossible for me to give my SO what two men can. It is impossible for her to give me what two women can. There is not better. They are entirely seperate. They way we go about them, there is very minimal risk. High risk would have stopped us from doing them in the first place. I am not trying to trivialize threesomes. I am pointing out issues I think exist with your relationship. By saying that threesomes are awesome, or grteat, in no way means that they are better, because I am sorry, I would have no problem dropping them, but dropping my SO, is not an option. Therefore, threesomes are not better, they are different, and yes they are very cool, but not anywhere near two people who are truly in love with one another, exploring and expanding on there own sex lives.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2004
Wed, 06-02-2004 - 10:51am
I disagree with that statement as well. My SO has issues of her own regarding her ability to please me, but she is more than enough for me. I have in no way told her that she is not enough to "fulfill me selfish sexual desires". In fact, I have told her the complete oposite. If I felt for one moniute that I was not enough for her, I would learn to be whatever it was she needed. But it is physically impossible to do what two can do for one. Therefore it only makes sense to find another person to include. Now, if you don't want it, cannot deal with it, or do not like the idea, well to each his own, but to hide feelings, and keep secrets about it, is being selfish, and craving the other person, calling sex with your SO trite and dwarfed in comparison, is selfish, and is not treating your partner with the respect, love, and compassion that defines a relationship. I do not view what you have told us about your relationship as being anything more than a costly accord between you and your husband. It is an agreement, a contract, nothing more. What happens when your kids find out, come home and see mommy and this new man getting "friendly" with each other and dads not around? What happens when your kids walk into the room and dad is there, but the new guy is all over you??? These are things to think about. Or even something as simple as over hearing a conversation with this man. You are in my opinion, on a high speed train, headed for the wreck. It has not hit yet, but it is just up around the bend. Be careful that you don't hit it full force.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2004
Wed, 06-02-2004 - 10:59am
~~~~By saying that threesomes are awesome, or grteat, in no way means that they are better, because I am sorry, I would have no problem dropping them, but dropping my SO, is not an option.

Some people feel that the risks involved alone, is in and of itself, making the statement that our SO can so easily be discarded or dropped.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2004
Wed, 06-02-2004 - 11:16am
Why are you knocking my relationship? First of all we only have sex in a hotel. Secondly, how am I hiding anything? We both realize the risks involved and have chosen to keep feelings to ourselves.

What is confusing me is why you would think that me fantasizing and comparing my hubby to this or any man is deceitful? I accept that having intimate relations with another person will bring about those feelings and so does my hubby. We allow them to happen not just pretend that they will not happen. I think we're more honest then those who claim not to compare and fantasize. We're suppose to have sex and then shut off all sexual feelings after the actual deed is done? Makes little sense. If two people agreed to have sex with a third party, then craving, fantasizing, enjoying, comparing, along with many others related to it, is going to likely surface. If anything, we are more honest and open, the only difference being that we laid it all out on the table in the beginning and that includes the worst case scenarios. I know that my hubby may find another woman sexually satisfying, he may fantasize for weeks or months, and he may crave her after it's all over. There's no need to hear disclose those details. I accept that they may exist and so does he.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2004
Wed, 06-02-2004 - 11:45am
IF THESE "SOME PEOPLE" YOU TALK ABOUT INCLUDE YOURSELF, THEN I THINK YOU JUST SEALED WHAT WE HAVE ALL BEEN TELLING YOU ALL ALONG.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2004
Wed, 06-02-2004 - 12:43pm
Because just like my SO, I feel that those feelings should be dealt with, and discarded, not continued. I feel that you are direspecting the voes you took at marriage, by continuing to lust after another man. My SO had feelings annitially, but she dealt with them, and now treats my friend no differently than she used to. She has a different relationship with him now, but, there are no feelings, lust, or desire for him any longer!!!! It is wrong to accept thoise feelings and continue with them. But then again, it doesn't seem you really value your relationship since you are so willing to allow your husband the same secrecy. I am done with this thread, as you do not seem to need any of our opinions, you are already on the tracks to disaster, but choose to turn a blind eye to it. That is why my respect for your relationship is nill.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2004
Wed, 06-02-2004 - 1:07pm
>>The advice was to dump him for the sake of my marriage. Why would I do that?<<

>>Group sex actually is a selfish act, when you think about it - you are admitting to your partner that they are just not enough to fulfill your selfish desires<<

ROFLMAO!!!! Well isn't that the pot calling the kettle black. Man, I about peed myself when I read your post. WOW

Leticia

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2004
Wed, 06-02-2004 - 1:28pm
How could that include me? I'm speaking about those who would never do a threesome, obviously not me.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2004
Wed, 06-02-2004 - 1:32pm
Huh? I'm confused. How is that calling the kettle black? I agreed with the second statement, and didn't agree with the first(to dump the extra). Your statement with respect to those two statements makes absolutely no sense.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2004
Wed, 06-02-2004 - 1:35pm
Let me get this straight. You agree with having sex with a third party to satiate lust, but you don't agree that one should continue to feel lust for such person. You think that they should simply stop feeling lust after the actual deed is done? Makes absolultely no sense. It seems a lot of people on here do not make any sense.

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