Threesome question ...

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2004
Threesome question ...
19
Thu, 05-22-2008 - 7:18pm

Not sure if this is the right board to ask this question to, so if someone knows of a better board to talk about this subject, please let me know.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-03-2003
Sat, 05-24-2008 - 8:25am

This is really hard, I mean you hubby has let you have another man in your bed. I am going to share with you what my gutt says and you can think about it. Dont just say "ok" to him having another woman because you "owe" him. As I imagine once something is in motion you can't really stop it.I want you to really think how you would feel if hubby was with another woman. I maybe bias because I had a 3some FMF and found the two of them later that night in the bathroom together.


Now in my opinion you can't have it both ways. If you can't let him have another woman then maybe you should give up the other man. Please what ever you decided dont just do something because you "owe" him, do it because you want to..... Other wise there could be bad feelings and it could cause problems with your marriage.


Now I have to say something that I know others are thinking and I am not saying this to be hurtful at all just and observation. How on earth are you still going to particapate in 3somes once the baby is born? How will you find the time ect? Are you thinking of resuming 3some activity after the baby is a certian age? I had a baby 10 months ago and my first 3 months are nothing but a blur of diapers and lack of sleep. Plus not to mention sex was the last thing on my mind. You could always tell hubby you will have FMF after the baby is born and then keep putting him off? But something tells me if

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2006
Sat, 05-24-2008 - 11:20am
It's pissing you off that your husband wants to bang someone, but you're quite enjoying having someone to bang you? This is just my opinion, but that sounds more than a little hypocritical to me.

ETA: Threesomes are never likely to be a part of my sex life with DW, but if they ever were it would definitely have to be a 'both or nothing' proposition. I would never agree to her being allowed to have an extra partner while I was not, nor would I ever agree to a one time thing for me but a regular threesome partner for her. Westridge is right: you have double standards, and you need to face up to that fact.


iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
Sat, 05-24-2008 - 6:30pm

I'll just add a little more than I've already said....

You've had MMF threesomes. You've had MFF threesomes. You've enjoyed the two men but aren't keen on seeing him with another woman. He's enjoyed the two women and is more relaxed about seeing you with another man.

You sound upset and annoyed because he wants to "bang" another woman and because he wants to do it again. But at the same time you are happy to "bang" another man yourself and want to do it again. You are getting upset at your husband for wanting exactly the same thing that you want. Thus we have the double standard. It's OK for you but not OK for him.

It's got nothing to do with the pregnancy either. I don't think that you should use the pregnancy as an excuse. You need to talk to him about this now, and you need to tell him how you are feeling.

You also need to accept that if the two of you decide that there are no more threesomes with other women that there shouldn't be any more threesomes with other men either. If you are allowed to continue to invite other men into the bedroom then he should be allowed to invite other women. Even if he agrees to male only threesomes, he WILL resent you for it and it WILL cause more problems between the two of you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2008
Sun, 05-25-2008 - 11:34am

Well, I have a man threesome fantasy, but....I'm too jealous to ever

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2004
Sun, 05-25-2008 - 7:27pm

Wow.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2004
Sun, 05-25-2008 - 7:43pm

Um yeah.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2006
Sun, 05-25-2008 - 8:00pm
Saying that a specific woman created drama in your marriage while a specific man does not is different than the premise you opened the thread with, which implied that in general you viewed adding an extra sex partner for you as not a problem, but that you had a huge problem with adding an additional sex partner for him. If MFM only works for both you and your husband then more power to you, but your double standard would absolutely not work in my marriage.


iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2004
Sun, 05-25-2008 - 8:05pm
Well, we're not talking about your marriage dude.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
Sun, 05-25-2008 - 11:36pm

>>Wow. You seem to be the one annoyed and upset - over what, not sure since this isn't your life.<<

LOL! You got the wrong end of that stick. They say that communication is 80% body language and 20% content - and you don't have body language on the 'net.

Upset? Not in the slightest.
Annoyed? Not really. Although the double-standard grates a little it's not enough for me to keep thinking about it when I turn away from the computer screen to do something else :-)

Sounds like its a fair compromise. You both get what you want before it ends.

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