time out on sex...god vs man
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time out on sex...god vs man
| Tue, 06-26-2007 - 4:46am |
ok..this is a lil odd..
im a 28yr.old fem and i recently have decided 2 put a hold on sex till i get married. i been seeing some 1 off & on for 8 years. the sex is great but dut to a recent car accident that almost took my life i noticed i need 2 change the way i live and get right with the lord. i told my boyfriend but he just cant exept it. it seams like a case of god vs. man..
i love them both..why cant my boyfriend just let me be?
why dose this have 2 be so hard?
why would he deny me of change?
i know he loves me but hes being selfish!
will i get over this and return 2 the way i was b~4 the accident?
im confussed and just need some feed back of ant kind..please help!
Edited 6/26/2007 4:57 am ET by thetruth2006

Welcome to the board thetruth2006. Sorry to hear you were involved in a bad accident. My family has been involved in a couple of accidents in the past couple of years. None of the accidents were our fault, but we have had 2 vehicles totaled as a results of others driving recklessly.
I was driving during the second accident and had my whole family in the car. It was a high-speed accident, and truthfully, I don't know how any of us survived it unharmed. The reality of that day has changed my thinking and definitely interferes with my driving. Although the accident was nearly two years ago, I recently began seeing a therapist for PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder).
One great thing about seeing the therapist is that she helped me to put things in perspective. Although I have fears because of the accident, they really come from my own thinking, and the therapist helps to isolate those thoughts and redirect them.
It sounds like your experience has made you feel you need to turn to religion. While that may not be a bad decision, it still needs to be put in perspective. Your BF is feeling rejected and pushed away, and is having a difficult time understanding or accepting that. Hopefully he wants to support you through this, and often people find comfort in sharing sexual pleasure. You are also trying to change something about your relationship with him -- which probably had nothing to do with the accident. Religion is a very personal experience, and he may not have the same views of "getting right with the lord" as you do. I'm not sure that he is being selfish and denying you of change -- I think he is resisting you bringing a change to your relationship.
I highly recommend counseling to anyone that has been through a traumatic automobile experience. I surely wish I had not waited so long to do so myself. You might also find others that can help you on the PTSD board on iVillage. The CL, Poppy, is just wonderful! Here's the link:
http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-bhptsd
I wish you lots of luck with recovering from the trauma of this accident. I know first hand how difficult it can be when others don't understand what you are going through, but I also understand (now) how important it is to put everything into perspective. For me, it seems the flashbacks and such just kept eating away at any progress I made. While I haven't put the entire accident behind me, therapy has really helped me to put things in proper perspective.
my partner in the siggy exchange
You do have a right to do what you feel you need to do but I don't see your b/f as being selfish at all.
Hi there!
I'm delurking since I heard my name being mentioned! I'm Poppy, and I'm the CL of the PTSD board. Misty and Tish have given you very good insight and suggestions, both about life after trauma, therapy, and being in control of our lives instead of our traumas taking over and running our lives.
In my opinion, what's happening isn't God versus Man. It's You vs. You. On
I agree with the other posters, especially what tish said. Religion or not, you are taking an important part of your relationship, a part that the two of you have shared for eight years, away from your b/f and you haven't given him much of a choice about it.
I can understand why he would be a bit upset about that if he doesn't share your view of religion or of God. You say it's because you want to get right with God, he probably can't see why something that is very important to him, and that he thought that the two of you WANT to share, has been taken away - God or no God. He's probably wondering why you think that no sex will help you get closer to God since the two of you have been having sex for so long.
You have every right to get closer to God if you want. But I don't think that you should be surprised if your b/f is upset with this and having a difficult time with it. Sex was important to him, and now he hasn't got it because of a choice that you have made, not a choice that he made.
I'm so sorry to hear of your accident and hope you continue to improve. Honestly I don't know how people cope with everyday life without God and believe that when you are in such a trajic circumstance, it's only natural to look inward and evaulate your life and your relationship ( if any ) with God. You see, a relationship with the Lord is a spiritual and personal one. When you make spiritual/religious discisions that has an impact on someone else without discussion, your asking for rebellion and resistance. Your BF apparently doesn't embrace your new calling to jump on the church bus and that's his perogotive. It's unwise and inconsiderate to expect him to adhere to your new policy of abstinence until marriage when that's not who you were at the beginning or during your relationship.
Ultimately you have to do what you feel is best for yourself and you BF will have to decide what he can and can't live with ( or without ) for himself. Hopefully, he'll give you some time and space without pressure, but honestly if he's the "on and off" type of BF do you really need that in your life right now?
Hi Truth,
It was cool reading your post and it certainly wasn't odd.
Really we all come across circumstances that remind us of the reality of eternity and the URGENT question of life after death and how prepared or not prepared we are for it.We may either choose to respond to this questions or deny and ignore them. Of course our response does not remove the urgency of the matter.
I'm sure you have made the right decision because the issues that gave you concern have to do with not two people but your preparedness to stand ALONE before a just God, who as a loving Father offers you a way of escape today before it is too late.
I understand your bf's stand. You should prayerfully support him. This may be his chance too to move on and address life in a clearer perspective not as something he has absolute control over but as a gift from God to Whom he will also one day have to give account.
You can be sure you have my prayers all the way.
Tristeady
-still living God's glory in three dimensions
Just because the OP has made a decision that happens to agree with YOUR religious beliefs, does not automatically make it the RIGHT decision, for her or anyone else.
ITA!