Too early for sex?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-12-2007
Too early for sex?
4
Thu, 07-12-2007 - 9:53am

Hello everyone!
I've recently started dating a guy that I was friends with for about three months before we took the plunge.
We finally kissed, and have crossed the line from friends to dating. I guess because we've been so attracted to each other for so long, being afraid to do anything, now that we can kiss it's pretty intense. We've only really hung out twice as more than friends (i guess you could say more than that, but only twice now that we've been kissing). I can tell he wants to have sex but he's holding back and I want to too, but i'm scared.

Is it true that having sex early can ruin a potential relationship? There's so much chemistry that it's hard to not be completely all over each other when we see each other.
I hope that's a good thing.

Advice?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2006
Thu, 07-12-2007 - 10:05am

There is no "schedule" for getting involved sexually. Some people have sex on the first date, and wind up getting married and living happily ever after. Others have sex on the first date, and there's never a second date. Some people wait a long time, and it still doesn't work out in the end.

Everyone is different. Every relationship is different. If he's really "into" you, and YOU feel the same, then there's nothing to be "scared" about. There aren't any guarantees for relationships. Two people can be crazy about each other, but don't make it in the long haul. Others can be slower to realize their feelings.

Bottom line, if he really cares about you, then sex won't spoil it, it'll enhance it. But at the same time, if he really cares about you, he'll be willing to wait for it, too. It all boils down to what YOU want to do.....and whether you do or you don't isn't going to change the longterm outcome of the relationship. It will last forever, or it won't, and neither outcome will be influenced by how soon you have sex with him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2007
Thu, 07-12-2007 - 10:35am

Welcome to the board passionate__excuse.

You should have sex when you are ready to have sex -- that's the only right choice. It sounds like you are both nervous. Try to get to know each other better and see if that's the direction you want the relationship to head.

There are tons of people who enjoy casual sex as well. It's really all about what you want out of the relationship. Having sex early on doesn't mean that you want it to be casual -- it should just mean that you were ready to have sex with him. If you want a commitment from him prior to having sex, then talk with him about that. Ask him where he sees your relationship heading and let him know how you feel as well.

I've been married to a man for 16 years that I was a friendly neighbor to. We weren't even dating, but one night we ended up in bed together. We were married less than a year later, and it's still going strong! There just aren't any clear cut "rules".



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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-12-2007
Thu, 07-12-2007 - 1:00pm

Thank you for your replys and welcome.
It means a lot to me that he is being as respectful as he is. He doesn't push me to do anything, which is nice to find once in a while in a world full of people who don't care what you want. I can feel from him that he does care, and that he's letting this happen. I've always been a very sexual person and I've had casual sex before without having relationships (as he has as well from what he's said). I know in my heart he'd be content with just laying next to me if that's what happened, he just wants to be near me. I think some of it is just me feeling scared that once we have sex, he'll leave because of my previous hurtful experiances. I think that we both are extremely attracted to each other with or without sex. It's mostly my fear from things that shouldn't bother me anymore, and I know he wasn't the one who hurt me before and I can't punish him or our relationship for that.

I guess we'll see how it goes. I'm excited to see, because it's been a long time since I felt this happy with someone.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-08-2007
Thu, 07-12-2007 - 8:52pm
I was friends with my boyfriend for about a year before we started dating. Soon after we started dating we started having sex. It just felt right; neither one of us felt uncomfortable or pressured to have sex. We've been together for almost two years now, so I don't really believe that having sex early will ruin a potential relationship.