too FAST

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2004
too FAST
16
Sat, 01-13-2007 - 4:32pm
My husband ejaculates anywhere from 1 to 3 minutes after he puts his penis in. We have foreplay before, but I'm still unsatisfied! I feel like we're just getting started and then all of a sudden it's over, sometimes before I even really know. He'll slow down and start to stop and I'm just shocked at how fast it was. We both read a sex book that said the average couple has sex for 15 minutes. I take that to mean that the man's penis is inside for 15 minutes. I've tried going slow, cutting down foreplay hoping he won't be ready, all kinds of things. I talked to him about it today and brought up the topic of the book and he said he thinks that means the 15 min. includes foreplay. He said he can't help it, that's just the way his body is. How long do most couples have intercourse and if it's longer than 3 minutes, how can I get him to last longer?

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Cycle #3: BFP 5/18, M/C 5/29 at 5w3d

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2003
In reply to: ann_85
Sat, 01-13-2007 - 5:04pm

It's mental as in, mind over matter. He has to learn some self-control, something almost EVERY guy needs to do. It's not his body, it's his mind.

You think he'd be a minute man sleeping with the most physically repulsive woman you could find for him?

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
In reply to: ann_85
Sat, 01-13-2007 - 7:27pm

He can learn how to control his ejaculation by controlling his thoughts


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-11-2007
In reply to: ann_85
Sun, 01-14-2007 - 2:27am
I just wanted you to know that you are not alone. I am going through a very similar situation. Has your husband always been this quick or is it something new? In my situation it has always been quick as a matter a fact as I mentioned in a previous post mine does not even last a minute. I feel it is a sensitive subject and was wondering how you brought it up. Someone here suggested I try a desensitizing cream called maintain. (I have not tried it yet but I figure it cant hurt to try) Another suggestion I recieved was a book called, "He comes second" I am not sure if this is the book you have already read. The last suggestion I recieved that I thought was very good was have him continue to penetrate after he has ejaculated if possible. It will not work in my situation as he completely loses his erection immediately following but maybe it will work with yours. I would love to know what book you are reading as I am desperate for suggestions. I hope you find the answers you are looking for.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-13-2006
In reply to: ann_85
Sun, 01-14-2007 - 7:28pm
I don't know a man that can have sustained intercourse for 15 minutes!!!! What they are talking about is FORE PLAY!!! Make sure that you are fulfilled before he enters you!!!! Help him use his breath to move the sexual energy THROUGH his body. He can be taught to breath it up...and not be so genital focused. You might check out a great resource - the School of Erotic Touch....http://www.eroticmassage.com
They have great information..lectures, videos etc....Good Luck!!!!
Kate
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
In reply to: ann_85
Sun, 01-14-2007 - 7:55pm

<<>>


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2006
In reply to: ann_85
Sun, 01-14-2007 - 11:37pm
Guess she just hasn't had THAT erotic adventure yet!
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-20-2004
In reply to: ann_85
Mon, 01-15-2007 - 2:14pm
Trust me on this, there are men who can last as long as they need to, and if that includes lasting 15 minutes, or much longer, they can. It is about learning to control the feeling of the "point no return".Younger inexperienced men may not have this control yet, but I`m sure some do. Many men condition themselves to cum quickly because of their masturbation habits. It is all in the mind, and habit conditioning.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-20-2004
In reply to: ann_85
Mon, 01-15-2007 - 2:48pm
I have two thoughts on this.One, he could try and satisfy you first orally, then penetrate, or have him cum any way he wants, then as he recovers from his refractory period, have him please you with his hands mouth etc...After a few minutes he should be able to get excited again and this time last a lot longer.Most men will last a lot longer on the second time around.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-11-2007
In reply to: ann_85
Tue, 01-16-2007 - 2:07pm
I'm sorry winkinggoddess you are incorrect about no man being able to last 15 minutes of intercourse. Up until the man I am with now all of the people I have been with have lasted longer than 15minutes.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2004
In reply to: ann_85
Tue, 01-16-2007 - 8:51pm

Hey! Well thanks for your advice/support. I was very nervous about bringing it up and we've been having sex regularly for over 3 months now. I waited for about 10 minutes after we had sex and then very nervously brought up the book we had both read together and how it said the average couple has sex for 15 minutes and that I noticed we only had intercourse for a couple of minutes. He was defensive, but he wasn't angry and didn't seem permanently affected. Of course, he was convinced that the book meant foreplay included and that all guys only last a minute or two so he felt like he was correcting me. Now I have to figure out a way to tell him about everything I am now learning and how he can control himself. I have no clue exactly how I will do that, but I will let you know when I do. If you talk to your guy about it first let me know how you bring it up please!

Oh yeah, and yes my husband has always been this quick, but we didn't have sex very much and I figured it was because he wasn't used to it. We were both virgins before we had sex so I thought it was inexperience.

------------------------------------------------------
TTC #1, Cycle #5
Cycle #3: BFP 5/18, M/C 5/29 at 5w3d

http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/1f554f

Pages