too FAST

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2004
too FAST
16
Sat, 01-13-2007 - 4:32pm
My husband ejaculates anywhere from 1 to 3 minutes after he puts his penis in. We have foreplay before, but I'm still unsatisfied! I feel like we're just getting started and then all of a sudden it's over, sometimes before I even really know. He'll slow down and start to stop and I'm just shocked at how fast it was. We both read a sex book that said the average couple has sex for 15 minutes. I take that to mean that the man's penis is inside for 15 minutes. I've tried going slow, cutting down foreplay hoping he won't be ready, all kinds of things. I talked to him about it today and brought up the topic of the book and he said he thinks that means the 15 min. includes foreplay. He said he can't help it, that's just the way his body is. How long do most couples have intercourse and if it's longer than 3 minutes, how can I get him to last longer?

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Cycle #3: BFP 5/18, M/C 5/29 at 5w3d

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2006
In reply to: ann_85
Wed, 01-17-2007 - 4:06pm
I can orgasm very quickly and it is dishearting to me as well as her. In my case some of it is her fault as she can be very passive and not prepare me. What I mean by that is she takes foreplay means me getting her ready. She is finally reved up and its just more than I can handle at the time. What helps me is when she manually strokes me or gives me a bj during foreplay. Then when I enter her I not overwhelmed. The next thing that helps is making me last that 1st 5 minutes. Let me control that and then I am good for a long time. Our best is over 1.5 hours. When I am unable to last I do what it takes to make her cum even licking her if that is what she wnats.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-17-2007
In reply to: ann_85
Wed, 01-17-2007 - 7:46pm
1 to 3 minutes of actual intercorse??? Ummmmm no! 15 minutes is truely more like it and some of us are blessed with partners who last longer, what really counts is how ya feel but obviously for you 1 to 3 isnt doing the job.
Try having him wear a condom, this usualy helps make it last longer as the sensation is minimized somewhat.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-19-2007
In reply to: ann_85
Sat, 01-20-2007 - 1:23am
There are condoms that have desensitizing cream in them. Wearing two can also help desensitizing, along with the woman on top position. Put all those together and you might find some success.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2006
In reply to: ann_85
Sat, 01-20-2007 - 2:07am

Well, if you can bring up a book that made him feel bad, then why can't you bring up the fact that there ARE methods by which he can train himself to last longer? If he works on that, you'll BOTH have more pleasure. YOu can't blame him for being defensive when you're telling him he's not as good as most men!

It was and still IS inexperience if you've only been having sex for three months. It takes time for BOTH of you to get used to each other. Even if you'd both been experienced before, with a new partner, it takes time! You both have to learn each other's needs, and each other's hot spots.

Instead of criticizing him, try experimenting with different positions, woman on top being a good one....but there are many more you can try. You don't have to say "this will make it last longer"......you can just say "lets try this, it sounds like fun".

And, if you make him take a long time for foreplay, he'll be giving you pleasure before you ever start intercourse, and you won't feel so bad if he finishes faster. Believe it or not, when it comes to "pleasure" most women enjoy the foreplay as much as the intercourse, and many women have orgasms during foreplay.....even women who don't have them from intercourse!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-15-2006
In reply to: ann_85
Sat, 01-20-2007 - 12:32pm

Hello Ann, Speaking from the guy's perspective here, I am a guy who doesn't last long. But in my own defense, I honestly think my wife is the hottest woman I have ever known. And I swear its such an overwhelming lust that over takes me when I know I am making love to her. I just lose control way too soon. I don't feel embarrassed about it, I feel very frustrated about it. Its by far my most exciting moment of any day of my life to make love to her. He might have the same feelings for you as I do for my wife.

My suggestions...You could go down on him first. Get him off first, then offer yourself for him to go down on you. During that time you will get some satisfaction, plus he will be given time to recover and be ready to make love to you. Generally the second round is normally longer.

If he wants to get inside you right away like you normally do now, then why not go down on him after the first round and get him aroused and erect again for the second round. (although I do know some women aren't too comfortable with this after already being inside you)

I guess my suggestions are generally in the area of helping him help you. I know that right after my first orgasm. Its very draining, physically and psychologically, but usually within 5 minutes the drained state leaves and lust returns...usually I just need a little loving attention to get the ball rolling again. Very erotic to see a woman who wants and needs sex.

And remember this is coming from a guy who doesn't last more than 5 minutes the first time, but if I am given the opportunity to go a second round...well I have been known to last over an hour that second time.

So I say, just don't give up after the first orgasm of his. Entice him to want to continue...if you show him how much you want him. He will undoubtedly want to reciprocate.

hope this helps some.

Jake

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2004
In reply to: ann_85
Sun, 01-21-2007 - 5:09pm
Thanks for your advice! It makes me feel better to think that it doesn't have to be something that is wrong and can't be fixed. Thanks to everyone else too! I guess 3 months is still not enough time to be perfect at sex, so we'll keep working on it. I feel safe bringing up the subject with him again and I'll tell him I want to help and give him the advice you've all given. If anyone else has any advice, I would appreciate it, but I'm feeling a lot more confident about our situation and I think we can work everything out!

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TTC #1, Cycle #5
Cycle #3: BFP 5/18, M/C 5/29 at 5w3d

http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/1f554f

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