Too Long To Orgasm

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-30-2003
Too Long To Orgasm
2
Sun, 06-27-2004 - 8:51pm
I've never posted here before but this is starting to be a problem for me....

I'm 21 and have been sexually active for 5 years... I had one boyfriend for 2 years and, while the sex was great, I never orgasmed. It was a serious issue but I think I was trying too hard so it never came....

After breaking up with him I started being more exploratory with sex and started masturbating. I can make myself orgasm through masturbation but it takes like 30-40 minutes and that's if I don't think about it (when I think about it too much it never comes). I have to be somewhat distracted (reading a book in my 'other' hand or watching a movie) so I don't think about it too much....

Obviously I can't be that distracted during sex so I've only orgasmed once during sex.

I thoroughly enjoy sex regardless of orgasm....

I've stated dating someone new and it's starting to bother him. I try not to think about it too much but it keeps bothering him so we always end up talking about it, which makes me think about it more.

He says that it's important for him to feel like he's satisfied me, and that me orgasming is what makes his orgasms even better. I want to be able to give this to him as he does work hard (and succeeds) at pleasing me.... But he's older (mid thirties) and not the energizer bunny - normally he's "done" in less than the thirty minutes and I don't even have a chance.

I normally give him oral pleasure first and then he recipocates before we have actual intercourse.... but the stopping between oral and intercourse always feels like a 'stop' and it's like starting from scratch.... he's tried to just orally please me until orgasm but he always gets tired and gives up....

What am I supposed to do?????

Thanks is advance!

J.No

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Sun, 06-27-2004 - 9:40pm

As for masturbating, I think you're going about it the wrong way.


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2004
Sun, 06-27-2004 - 11:21pm
I agree! The first thing you should do is forget about orgasms. They'll happen when you're not making them your goal. As Tish says, it's not necessary to have orgasms to enjoy sex. Sex without orgasms is still good, and with orgasms.....better, like the icing on a cake.

You have orgasms because you learn to enjoy sex, and have good sex. Good sex causes orgasms.....not the other way around.

Then explain to your b/f that women are NOT like men. They can enjoy what a man does, and never have an orgasm. If he gives you pleasure, then he's done his part of it. Some women NEVER have them, but they still enjoy sex. Tell him not to bring his ego into the bed.....and just see to it that you're enjoying what he's doing.

It'll happen when you take the pressure off......and not until.