Too many partners?
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Too many partners?
| Sat, 05-22-2004 - 10:41am |
Howdy. I'm so mad. Last night my bf of almost 2 mos. broke up with me. We were discussing exclusivity and he asked me how many people I had sex with. I told him 19. He said it won't work, and left. He's only been with 2 partners. How can he be jealous, that was my past.

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Jeep,
As a rape survivor myself (2 guys, 6 hours, virgin at the time), I can understand how you had a difficult time.
honey
I think you're right that I did think fling/fwb. And well, I still stand on my point though. There are MANY women who can have an O during a fling/fwb/str/ltr. I know I'm one. But then again, I also know I'm not "normal" in the sense of the word. I'm not saying all women, or 90%, but I do know a handful that can O with any man, just cuz it's really easy for them.
BUT, I do know that there are women (and men), who only have sex when in love, who only can truly open up when in a committed relationship. And I do konw that I break all the rules when it comes to "sex and assumptions" in the sense of what women can and cannot do. I don't mean physically per se, but more emotionally. My most intense O's came from a man who was a FWB. And yes, the first encounter was more of a one-nighter and it was the MOST intense and the best since. That's why I had him stick aorund in my life. I wanted more. lol
As for STR/LTR. I guess that depends on how you define them and at what point is a STR a LTR? One year? Two years? Three years? 5 or more years? If you tell me your idea of LTR, I can tell you if I've been in one. Until then, I have no idea what LTR means in YOUR terms. I think our terms all differ some, so it's hard to talk specifics about them.
"I think it says a lot more about their ability to committ than it does about their sexual tendencies. I would tend to be more wary of someone who goes through 2-3 BFs/GFs a year for an extended period than maybe someone who had a few quick flings and then 1 or 2 LTRs that lasted years. "
I'm not sure. only because I am the type that has had a lot of bf's over my lifetime...but I don't think I have a fear of committment, but then again I COULD be kidding myself. Not sure. But I would agree to a point. Because, I know a few ppl who've had LTR's that were 5+ years, and never married ONE of the women. To ME, that would show me more of a committment problem. Because I would sit there and say, why was this person with someone for 5+years and never marry them? What was the problem? why would they stay with someone they didn't want to marry. I don't get it.
But, for myself. I don't get too emotional during sex. And I about almost died of laughter when my xh said he was so in love with me while making love, he wanted to cry. Me and my bf are more of a match, in that we love sex for the act, not for actual lovemaking and emotions.
It's a statistic? I apologize then. I didn't realize it was literally a statistic. That's depressing. No wonder so many women on the Div boards have been cheated on. Jeez. What is this world coming too?
I still refuse to live my life though, assuming my H will cheat. So, seeing as how I've had 2 marriages, one cheated, that most likely the next one will too. so sad. So VERY sad.
My current SO is not a sex toy to me. The additions we make are sex toys for us, there is a difference there.
Having a threesome is not tossing yourself around for sex, it is enjoying sex with your partner, and just including a toy!!!
Most what I am talking about when I say I don't want a women who is capable of having casual sex with anyone is before we are together. Once we are together, I expect her to be faithful to me in everyway, unless it is a threesome, and then I am there, so she is still pretty much being faithful. If I know it is happening, and I am there, I do not concider that cheating, in any way.
Um. Okay. To be honest. I think the only reason I have an "issue" with it is because ppl like you look down on ppl like me and the issue there is that I hate to be looked down upon for a lifestyle choice. But alas, your opinion shouldn't matter.
One thing. I do believe and KNOW there is a HUGE difference between makeing love of having sex (I wanted to use the other word, but I'd rather not get booted). I enjoy both to the extreme. Just because I enjoy casual sex, doesn't for one moment mean that sex with my bf doesn't mean anything. I am in love with him. I love him and love sex with him. I love to just get down and dirty and screw his brains out. And I love having intimate loving sexual moments with him too. I wouldn't be able to be with a man who felt that lovemaking included LOVE EACH AND EVERY TIME. It woudl bore me.
So, yes. There's a reason why ppl like you and ppl like me would never be together. We have different values. My bf may not have had casual sex, but sex to him isn't 99% intimate. It's more about pleasure, enjoying it with someone, and being with someone. I know I'm special to him. He doesn't need to show me in a lovey dovey way during sex for me to know that. Tish said it perfectly. Feeling special and loved comes from inside of you. No one should have to MAKE you feel anyway at all. Which includes love, happiness, or secure.
Shall we agree to disagree? There's no point in arguing, because I enjoy sex for the act it is, NOT (always) because of whom I'm with. But having sex does mean a lot more to me when I am with someone I love, versus just some guy.
-T
Oh, and the reason I'm taking this somewhat personally. By your own words, you have stated quite
Tx,
HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! You are a hoot! I still have my beloved Dr. Seuss watch that my folks gave me when I was a kid. When I worked at UPS, I hated wearing my "nice" watches, so my friend bought me a Taz watch, wore it everyday. lol. I love being a kid. But I know when I should be grown up. But it's fun =) Life has to be fun. Otherwise, what's the point of living?
Yes, I love sex. And thankfully, I hope I'm easier to deal with than Miss Refrigerator. hehehe. That was funny. thanks for the laugh.
I am very committed. I know I play around when I'm single, but when I'm in a relationship, I am always honest, committed, willing to work on things, etc. Being single is when I'm just a total crazy person. lol. Sorta. I go out, have fun, do stupid things, have sex w/ppl, have a fwb, but overall, once committed, I am just that. And I NEVER mix the two. Like I would never have a relationship with a FWB, or start somethign seroius with a guy I met while out partying or something like that. I keep it separate, because I've learned. If you meet a guy under the wrong circumstances, he just assumes you're like that all the time, when in fact, you're not. I'm such a homebody and love being in a relationship because it's a nice "safe" feeling. But, I do need to let loose when I'm between men. Y'know. =)
And I am very compassionate about others. I like to know that I understand them, and that they understand me, even if it means agreeing to disagree. Like with Jeep, I understand him. I hope he's understanding me. We just have different values, and that is the reason we'd never be a match. But that's fine. He has someone who has his values, and I have a guy who has mine. But now I understand him and where he's coming from better. I like to understand how ppl think, when they think differently, like you, so I can learn and grow and be more conscientious about others feelings.
I'm glad I was able to help you understand something different. To me, that's all that matters, that you understand. You don't have to agree with me at all. =) And besides, you learned something. Therefore, it was a good day. hehehe.
Glad you DID find someone that matches you and meshes with you. I hate seeing the good guys getting walked all over cuz of a stupid woman. And then that lame woman breaks them into being wary. Bleah. =)
-T
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