Too many partners?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-22-2004
Too many partners?
126
Sat, 05-22-2004 - 10:41am
Howdy. I'm so mad. Last night my bf of almost 2 mos. broke up with me. We were discussing exclusivity and he asked me how many people I had sex with. I told him 19. He said it won't work, and left. He's only been with 2 partners. How can he be jealous, that was my past.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2004
Fri, 05-28-2004 - 12:47pm

I'm confused Jeep. I"m asking only to understand. as I do believe you have a great realtionsihp with your SO and your values about sex match, which is the MOST important thing. ON that note.....


<<>>


You said you had casual sex prior to your SO, you even cheated on your xw. So, if you could have sex with women while married, how can you find anything special about your SO? Wouldn't it follow that same belief?


You say, "i find it hard to believe you can find sex special with anyone".


I say to you, "how can you find sex special with your SO because you cheated on your xw more than once, had casual sex, and now you say you're a changed man due to sex. Well, did you ever once stop to think that maybe ppl that have A LOT

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2004
Fri, 05-28-2004 - 12:57pm
Love you girl. Be good to the guy you are with and I hope he is good to you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2004
Fri, 05-28-2004 - 1:01pm
First of all I only had two casual partners, and they were paid for. Secondly, I don't feel that someone who sleeps around that much can find sex special, with anyone. The two I mentioned before were in a moment of weekness, due to the job I was doing at the time. In the military, under stress constantly, excuse after excuse after excuse, but the fact is I have regretted it since. I dont really care what you think tigger, but I will try and explain anyway. I hold nothing against you, or anyone else that decides to live that way. Nothing. I do however, refuse to get into a relationship with them. I have never had casual sex with anyone I was with, accept the two mentioned previously. And those were the biggest mistakes I could have made. I am not wired that way, think it is healthy, or safe. But I do not hold it against anyone else, I just will not date them. Got it??? Get it??? Good. Understand it. I think personally you are hypocritical when you say that you can have sex with one guy, care nothing for him, and then sex with another means so much. That to me is hypocritical, but I am the same way when it comes to the additional partners in our threesomes. The difference I don't think you are seeing is this. The third person in our Threesomes is there for additional pleasure, not to detract from our pleasure. If they orgasm, great, if not, oh well. It is not my concern. My only concern is my SO. Her pleasure, her comfort, and her enjoyment. Other than that, I am not worried. People who sleep around are good people, and as I have said before, I have plenty of friends like that. But relationship with them is out of the question entirely.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2004
Fri, 05-28-2004 - 1:05pm

deleted because i can tell you're getting irate




Edited 5/28/2004 1:24 pm ET ET by tigger1_92
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2004
Fri, 05-28-2004 - 1:16pm

Dang. Sorry I should consolidate these posts.


I'm curious. You can post here or email me if you want. What sort of issues do you think I have?


I mean, besides, working on sexual issues with my bf, which is what my most recent post is about, what issues do I have that you see? For all I know, I could be completely blind to them, and you could be 100% correct.


Okay. Agreeing to disagree. Also, I'm gald you and your SO can talk aobut if feeligns come into play. That is one reason I would NEVER have an open rleationship with a man who has sex for emotional reasons only. Because I'd forever feel he's getting attached to her, and I"ve seen MANY marriages/relationshisp break up because the woman falls for the OM. But, of course, that's me. ;)


-T


p.s. I never ever hit my guy friends up for sex. They are friends for a reason, and I DO NOT mix friendship with sex (unless we both want a committed relationship). So, I can see why you judge your female friends the way you do. That's just disrespectful to keep pushing for it. Maybe it's the type of women you know....the ones that are having casual sex. Cuz jeez, the ones I know, they are NOT like that at all. If anything, they're like me.....picky!




Edited 5/28/2004 1:21 pm ET ET by tigger1_92
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2004
Fri, 05-28-2004 - 1:26pm
You twist everything to fit your ideals don't you. That is just one of the reasons I don't particularly care about your opinion. But since I am trying to act like an adult, I will answer your questions.

>>If she values sex so much, doesn't that means she usually has sex WITH emotions attached? Are you scared about that? <<

Yes, I am, but I have already dealt with it, so it is not a big issue anymore. The first guy was tough, for everyone involved. He felt wierd afterwards, because he too has sex with emotion. But, they are just closer friends now then before. They were able to seperate for the mutual enjoyment of all, and now treat each other pretty much the same as before, just more open. He lived with us for about two weeks afterwards because his car broke down. He is also my best friend, so he and I have a close relationship already, and we talk openly about our problems.

>>One last thing. CHOOSING to have sex w/many men doesn't make the WOMAN the sex toy. You DO realize that right? Or is it because of society that you think women can't choose to have her own sex toy? <<

Women can have there own toys. But not if they are with me, or want to be.

>>Out of my own curiosity, Let's say I've been with 20 men and I'm 29 years old. Let's say, 12 of them were bf's, and 5 of them were fwb and 3 of them were one nighters. How would you view that?<< Then you have really only had three casual sex partenrs, because FWB's are not casual, there is an attachment there that was not there for the other three. I would not hesitate to date that person. If I found them to be stimulating, attractive, and compatable.

Well, I am glad to help you understnad how my mind works, even though it is not even close to the way most I have met works. As I said in one of my other posts on this board, or even in this thread, the number is not as important as the number of casual partners. Now as for FWB's, I do not consider them casual when placed next to one night stands. But then I don't consider a relationship anything at all if it only lasts a week. That to me is nothing more than a one night stand. My SO took longer than a week for all her men, accept one, and he pretty much raped her. She didn't say no quite as well as she should have, but then she did say no several times. Most of the rest were longer than two weeks before she had sex with them. So I respect her number a lot more than say if she had slept with them the first week, and then realized she didn't care for them and got rid of them. There is a big difference between love and lust, and I don't think anyone can fall in love with more than one person, at first site. I do believe in love at first site, as it happened to me, but only once. I have lusted after many, but only found one, that really made me feel different inside, and out. So, I hope that helps. Keep throwing questions at me, if you want, and I will keep tossing you explainations as needed.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2004
Fri, 05-28-2004 - 1:34pm
All of mine are like you too. Very picky. They just picked me. LOL I find it flattering, but I do have to refuse. It is not insulting to me, degrading, or what was the word you used, disrespectful. It is flattering that a woman wants to sleep with me. One of them new my ex wife very well, and she talked to her several times about me. Once my ex left, she hit me up, a few times, but soon got the hint. I think it hurt her, cause I didn't talk to her, or hear from her for a while, but she came around and we are all cool again. But, since most of them know each other, and they all talk about there "exploits", my name and my "talents" have come up several times apparently, and so many of them have asked, and they all got the same answer. Sorry, can't do it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2004
Fri, 05-28-2004 - 1:35pm
You don't accept emails off the board, so I will have to post here. Go ahead and ask. I am not getting irrate. Frustrated with some of your accusations, or opinions, lol, but not mad at all.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2004
Fri, 05-28-2004 - 1:36pm
You can however email me if you like. I do accept emails off line. I would really enjoy talking to you and getting things straight. May even become friends. LOL J/K Who know though, right!!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2004
Fri, 05-28-2004 - 1:38pm

"You twist everything to fit your ideals don't you. That is just one of the reasons I don't particularly care about your opinion. "


No. To me, I'm comparing, and understanding. Learning how other ppl think so I can understand ppl in general when they are different from me.


I understand you

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