Too many partners?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-22-2004
Too many partners?
126
Sat, 05-22-2004 - 10:41am
Howdy. I'm so mad. Last night my bf of almost 2 mos. broke up with me. We were discussing exclusivity and he asked me how many people I had sex with. I told him 19. He said it won't work, and left. He's only been with 2 partners. How can he be jealous, that was my past.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2004
Mon, 05-24-2004 - 3:21pm
So, your with a guy, that you really like, and think there is a future there. He turns to you and askes you what your "number" is. You tell him your sarcastic remark, and rather than saying anything in return, he gets up and leaves, crushed, what do you do then, just let him leave, this guy you are all set to commit to??? That is what you are trying to tell everyone here?? WOW. Poor guy. I would expect honesty when I asked a question like that, not sarcasm. Sarcasm would make me mad, and I would want nothing more to do with that person. Especially over a question that was of such importance to me, whether they thought it was important or not. My SO was asked that question, and she gave me an honest and upfront answer. It just so happens that in her 40 years of life she has been with less than I have in 29. Does that make me better, more superior in bed, a better lover?? NO, it just means I have been around and back. Her number being lower certainly didn't mean she knew how to please me any less!!! Numbers are numbers, and any woman who decided to do something like that to me, would wind up being without me, because the one thing I don't tolerate, and I do tolerate a lot as my other posts will show you, is lying. Once a lie is started, the pain grows with time until finally the truth pops out, and the pain is huge. I no longer lie, as I know what it feels like to believe something for so long, and then have it dashed to pieces by the one person you trust more than anyone else. DONT EVER LIE ABOUT YOUR PAST!!!! It does bite, and it bites hard, but it is better to bite in the beginning, than wait till the end and bite.
Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 05-24-2004 - 6:07pm
I think you have a valid point. We're all looking for specific things in a partner and we tend to look for someone who has a similar background and beliefs. I just don't think it's fair to judge women who've have numerous partners more harshly than you would a man. There's no difference.

Personally, I don't think I could be with, comfortably, a man who had a very extensive sexual history though. I think it does raise issues that might not be questioned if your pasts were more similar. But you married your wife and and my DH, who was a virgin, married me. I had been intimate with a previous fiance' and that bothered him even though he knew it shouldn't. Of course, he got over it.

But as Sugar mentioned....it's just not realistic to expect a partner to be a virgin or have very few partners after a certain age.

Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 05-24-2004 - 6:10pm
I would agree with that. That type of activity is disturbing to me and would cause me to question the character of a man who would participate in it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2003
Mon, 05-24-2004 - 6:49pm
I agree! I remember in school hearing rumours about so and so who was gang banged and loved every minute of it. All the guys around the circle talking about their turns....with the slut(their word). I remember thinking to myself, "If that ain't the pot calling the kettle black!" YuKa YuKa
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2004
Mon, 05-24-2004 - 6:54pm
Hey katmandoo, it sounds like this scenario may have happened to you or in a relationship, no? So, c'mon, tell us, how many? Just joking. R and I never have told each other how many partners. I think that is just ridiculous because what's in the past is past and never concerned who you're involved with now, right? I think R had sex with at least 3 to 4 women before meeting me, but I'm not sure. I don't really want to know and I don't want to share with him how many men I've been with. (not many).
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2003
Mon, 05-24-2004 - 7:14pm
I'm definitely going to chime in with Leticia, Free, and Kat here and say something about the men involved in the fraternity gang-bang described. Everybody is quick to label the woman as a "slut" , but I think every man involved is just as reprehensible. That's the kind of activity we tend to attribute to groups like outlaw biker gangs who revel in their rebellious status, but for suppposedly upstanding men in orgasnizations like fraternities it is heinous no matter who the woman was or how much she supposedly wanted it.

taoist
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2004
Mon, 05-24-2004 - 7:19pm
I totally agree with you girl.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2004
Mon, 05-24-2004 - 7:21pm
I agree with your thinking on this completely. I like a man who has experience, who can teach me some new stuff even! I like showing him, in return, what I can do too! I want my man "right there" with me, not holding back or asking me "is this okay?". No way. I want a man who knows how to touch and lick in all the right areas AND takes his time at it. When I was single, I found men who had not had that many partners or maybe who had been in long marriages and dated very little afterwards were way to tame. I felt like the aggressor in bed half the time. I don't care for that. I like for the man to take the reigns.
Avatar for sugarbeat
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 05-24-2004 - 7:21pm
when did upstanding and fraternities become synonymous? aren't they known for stupid behavior, so this doesn't exactly surprise me. however i agree with all of you regarding the gang bang comment. reminds me of that documentary of the asian porn star who did the first major gang bang movie, and she totally over-intellectualized it and convinced herself she wanted it when she was just reliving her rape trauma. very disturbing.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2003
Mon, 05-24-2004 - 8:07pm
If I was involved with a man that was IMO worthy of a long-term commitment, this # would not be important to him. If it was so important to him that he'd be willing to walk away from our relationship because I refused to tell him, then I'd be better off without him as we'd be on very different pages in the story of life.

The men I chose to date, and stay with - are very often even more sarcastic than I am. One of the qualities I prefer in a man, perhaps even require, in order that I not be misunderstood while being sarcastic myself. Plus, I consider it a sign of intelligence and a twisted personality - also both very important to me. :)


Everyone wants something different!


and by the way... I wouldn't be lying. I have had between 1 and 1000 lovers, and I'd tell him up front, I'm STD free, the number doesn't matter - and I don't care to ever know his number either. I chose to be judged by what and who I am now and today, and not because of sex acts I participated in, or didn't participate in in the past.

thats all :)

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