Too many partners?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-22-2004
Too many partners?
126
Sat, 05-22-2004 - 10:41am
Howdy. I'm so mad. Last night my bf of almost 2 mos. broke up with me. We were discussing exclusivity and he asked me how many people I had sex with. I told him 19. He said it won't work, and left. He's only been with 2 partners. How can he be jealous, that was my past.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2004
Mon, 05-24-2004 - 9:26pm
hey Jeep,

I have no idea why I picked this thread, but the posts are fascinating. The interesting thing about posts on a particular topic are that they reveal more about the poster than the question. Some thoughts.

Too many partners?, prefer a virgin? My experience,.....is that "experience" has nothing yo do with numbers. I would never ask a Lady how many? What do I care,......she is with me now, and that is all that is important.

But now this is an interesting thing, at some point the Lady will ask me, how many? I always respond by looking her in the eye and tell her I love her. And I know, since she asked that I will have to tell her at some point. My experience...the women that I am attracted to have lots more partners than me....lol.

And here is my final thought on the subject,.....if the lady has had a thousand,.....I'm going to be the best.

slainte,.....John




iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2004
Mon, 05-24-2004 - 9:53pm

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2004
Mon, 05-24-2004 - 10:06pm
Tish, is your last post you indicated that the only thing that mattered to you was that your partner was STD free and wanted to be with you. Just remember that is the way you feel but because you feel that way doesn't mean every one feels the same way. It is important to understand that we all come to this point with a different set of values, a different history, and a different set of expectations. To some like one poster, if his women had had 1,000 partners it wouldn't make any difference, to others, they would like to be the only one. What is important is to make a match you can live with, it is not the same for all people.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2003
Mon, 05-24-2004 - 11:03pm

I agree.


I feel that there is no right or wrong in this discussion.

CL-Yasmin1967

May I have the serenity to accept what I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2004
Tue, 05-25-2004 - 9:22am

I agree everyone has their own set of standards and morals.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2004
Tue, 05-25-2004 - 11:08am
Exactly, very good point. I am the type that likes to know, so I do know what memories, feelings, etc. etc. I may end up competeing with for top slot. Just the way I feel now, not saying that it happens. I like to know, not just think I am the best she has ever had. If the woman has been with a large number of men, then I am in for a serious challenge, but if not, I am going to be the best hands down. I would prefer someone to train, but at the same time, I don't want to have to hold there hand either, so a woman with a little experience is best. My SO has only been with a few, and was married for 17 out of her 40 years. I know, without any doubt, that I am the best she has ever had. I don't have to worry about that, and when I asked her, she answered me honestly, without hesitation, and gave me a number I can live with. The number of men she was with, did not concern me, and made me more secure in my feeling like the best, the top of the list. I know her ex, and I know one of the men she was with before me. Niether of them is a threat, in any way. There is only one that bothers me, but she has successfully reassured me that there is nothing there, so, I am O.K. Insecurities?? Yes, I am full of them, now, but that has to do with other issues that have come up, and you can see those in other posts of mine if you are interested, as I will not go into them here. If she had told me that her past was none of my business, then I would be none of her business, as I would not be around for very long. If you have something to hide, then you don't answer honestly, but if you do answer honestly, there is nothing to worry about, as far as I am concerned. Sarcasm doesn't fly well when important questions are raised, and honesty reigns supreme in my book. If you can't be honest with me, then you might as well walk now, I have no time for games, lies, or even the remote chance that something in your past will reach up and bite me. No chance. C-Ya. Otherwise, I am all good with numbers and the like. I would honestly prefer to know the numbers, rather than have to guess.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Tue, 05-25-2004 - 11:51am
Mutt...i didn't notice one "prudish" comment to this post...just my observation that she was given advice and not judged....i didn't read anyone say an experienced woman is unpreferable....as for a woman with lots of past lovers, that doesn't necessarily equate to her ability to get a man LOL...sometimes a woman can have tons of casual sex and no man offering to love her...whereas sometimes a woman can have many men pursue her and simply not desire to have sex with them....popularity seems to have no baring on whether or not a woman can get laid on any given nite LOL

honey

    

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2004
Tue, 05-25-2004 - 11:55am
>>popularity seems to have no baring on whether or not a woman can get laid on any given nite LOL<<

Women are lucky in that regard as they can walk into a bar if they wanted to, and walk out with a guy, at any given moment in time. Men on the other hand, have things a bit rougher when it comes to trying to find a partner. Women do not need to stimulate men in order to get them to sleep with them, well some men. Men on the other hand must arouse a woman, in order to have any chance. So, for once honey, you and I agree. LOL It is a start, LOL nothing more.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2004
Tue, 05-25-2004 - 1:04pm
For me I don't believe in double standards. If a man wants a virgin for a wife then it should be important to him to remain one also. They can discover all the need to know about sex together. For me it was some dedication to my beliefs and some circumstance. I was a little slow in getting started in the dating game and in college I majored in Chemistry and Minored in Math (studied all the time), I worked in the summer to save money for the next year so women wern't that much of an option. When I graduated though I started to make up for lost time. I love the women that indicated that they wanted to have sex with me before I met my wife to be. To know that they found me that interesting is still a compliment. If I hadn't found her when I did my history would have been quite a bit different because my resolve was beginning to go.



My opinion on when history should be discussed is when it becomes enough of a question in one of the couples mind to ask. The opinion should be honest and include any information that might help the other party understand ( like I had a pretty wild streak in my senior year in high school but then I was with one boyfriend for 3 years).


iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Tue, 05-25-2004 - 1:08pm
the number of sexual partners does not equal experience or skill anyway jeep...its highly likely a woman of 40 would have had sex more times than a guy of 29...for instance i was married for 2 decades and had a very active and frequent sexlife thruout...so i wasn't having as many partners as a single person might but i probably had more sex than they did....to me the idea of a man having lots of casual sex would not make me consider him an experienced or skilled lover anyway...so ps jeep, once again you mention feeling "mad" in your post....hm, seems like you anger easily....hope you get a grip on that.

honey

    

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