Too many partners?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-22-2004
Too many partners?
126
Sat, 05-22-2004 - 10:41am
Howdy. I'm so mad. Last night my bf of almost 2 mos. broke up with me. We were discussing exclusivity and he asked me how many people I had sex with. I told him 19. He said it won't work, and left. He's only been with 2 partners. How can he be jealous, that was my past.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Tue, 05-25-2004 - 1:12pm
john, i just have to ask, are you irish? i have a soft spot for irishman...you seem to have a sweet way with women :)

honey

    

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2004
Tue, 05-25-2004 - 1:33pm
I never said the number equalled anything Honey, so yet again we are going to start. O.K. I will be an adult here and not try to egg you on. I am 29 years old. I have been with 15 people. She is 40 years old, and has been with 8. She was married and faithful for 17 years. So, yes, she should be much more experienced than I am. I get mad easily, yes, but I now know how to direct it, rather than allowing it to direct me. I have been through anger management, and I have succeeded in staying away from the bad place I used to go when I was angry. But, Your constant berating is refreshing, to say the least. Most other women I meet don't have anywhere near the issues you do, so I don't have much trouble communicating with them. Unfortunately I don't think you and I will ever get along, since our first incounter, so, I have resigned myself to this, and will tolerate what you say as your opinion and nothing more. Thanks again for the enlightening as always conversation. Hope you have a great day!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2004
Tue, 05-25-2004 - 1:43pm
Just thought I would dash on here real quick. I agree with you. Neither of us said it was the "number" of people. Of course not, all kinds of things play into one's experience. BUT! Having more partners does lead to new experiences and lessons learned in the sexual arena!

OK! Arrrrckkk! I'm having the ladies over for the Mary Kay thing today! So, I'm trying not to stress, but can't post anymore today. Wish me luck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Tue, 05-25-2004 - 1:55pm
ah but i respectfully disagree tiana...my husband and i were very creative and enjoyed many experiences sexually, i think i garnered most of my experience in the sexual arena during my marriage...and from reading some of the post from other long-term marrieds here on this board it seems there are plenty of couples who are very creative and experimental and open-minded within their marriages....i'd say i received the least amount of sexual skill from any casual sexual encounter i had.

enjoy your party! :)

honey

    

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2003
Tue, 05-25-2004 - 3:34pm
>>Women are lucky in that regard as they can walk into a bar if they wanted to, and walk out with a guy, at any given moment in time. Men on the other hand, have things a bit rougher when it comes to trying to find a partner. Women do not need to stimulate men in order to get them to sleep with them, well some men. Men on the other hand must arouse a woman, in order to have any chance. So, for once honey, you and I agree<<

Jeephead, you know, women may be "lucky in that regard" and men may "have things a bit rougher" in easily obtaining casual sex, what about having sex that is satisfying. In this regard, it's usually easier for men to orgasm and have some kind of enjoyment with a stranger, and a man, at least, can get bragging rights with his buddies for his "conquest". Women are much less likely to have satisfying sex in a casual relationship and tend to get vilified as "sluts" if they engage in it too often.

You and I both know that making love with someone you care about and are familiar with is way, way better than almost any kind of casual sex, and this is very, very true for men as well as women.

taoist

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Tue, 05-25-2004 - 6:09pm
hey tao :), i couldn't agree more!...i just debated that with jeep a couple of weeks ago, that it is highly unlikely a woman will orgasm with a stranger....yes, i imagine some women can and do on occasion, but jeep made the claim that he is positive 98% of the women he's had casual sex with have orgasmed to his skilled touch and its *my* belief a good percentage of those women were probably faking just to end the encounter....the only time i have faked is to get a man off me during casual sex LOL...what else would be an option for the woman?...tell the guy he's not "moving" her or that he's lousey in bed and risk him getting aggravated and/or insisting they continue til she cums?...its also quite frightening at times for a woman to lock herself behind closed doors with a man who she is not totally familiar with....often there is no other way out but to fake an orgasm and be done with the guy...this is why i would not waste another moment having sex casually, its a BORE! LOL...but you're right, most men can and will orgasm with a strange woman.

honey

    

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2004
Tue, 05-25-2004 - 6:22pm
If its scary to be with an unfamiliar man behind closed doors..WHY DO IT? Maybe there is a reason you should not have casual sex....
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2004
Tue, 05-25-2004 - 8:17pm

Interesting thread.


To Jeep, what if your SO at 40-years-old said, 66 men? Would you have run for the hills or stayed? Could you have handled that? Because I'm 29 and I can tell you my number is a lot higher than yours....would you freak out if I was your SO? Or would you still love me for me?


MANY times when a woman's number is high, she's wary to say it because MOST men will react negatively.


To Honey, not all women have orgasms only when she's with someone special. And the women who have casual sex.....are the ones that can orgasm with anyone. Those that don't, usually are more emotionally connected to sex and need a person whom they love.


To anyone else reading.....


I don't think it's always just about a "number" per se...because.....my xh asked me. I wanted to be frank and honest. I told him. He freaked. His first words out of his mouth, "I'm going to vomit". BUT, in the end, do you know what made him sick? NOt

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2004
Tue, 05-25-2004 - 8:55pm
I am too emotional for a guy, but that is just the way I am, so my viewpoint is colored by that. I know of a attractive woman where I live that is the way you are. She dates, parties, and generally seems to have a lot of fun. I don't think that she is interested in a LTR. I think it would be very hard on almost every guy I know to fall in love with someone with your history and attitude toward casual sex. There are some that don't care and they have a pretty wild history of their own. The only problem will be if you really do fall in love someday with a man that you really want and he just can't deal with who you really are.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2003
Tue, 05-25-2004 - 8:57pm
<<>>

I really disagree. My fiance's had sex with 11 or so women. However, he was my first and only. Yet I keep surprising him. Everytime I try something knew he's like (jokingly) "Where did you learn to do that? Are you sure you haven't done that before?" He loves it. I've done things to him that no other woman has. I'm just a creative person and I feel very secure in our sexual relationship. Maybe some people need to learn from others. But there are plenty of people like me who prefer to try new things with one special person. If I hadn't met my fiance four years ago and had been with 25 random guys instead, I wouldn't have experienced 75% of things I have with him ... I guarantee it.

I also have close female friends that have had 1 night stands, casual relationships and serious relationships. Yet when discussing sexual experiences, I've done things they would never think to do. Being selective in *who* you'll do doesn't mean you're selective in *what* you'll do. lol ;-)

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