Too many partners?
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Too many partners?
| Sat, 05-22-2004 - 10:41am |
Howdy. I'm so mad. Last night my bf of almost 2 mos. broke up with me. We were discussing exclusivity and he asked me how many people I had sex with. I told him 19. He said it won't work, and left. He's only been with 2 partners. How can he be jealous, that was my past.

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I agree, more partners doesn't mean new experiences or learned lessons.
Your gracious compliment is humbly accepted.
Your guess is close. I am the descendant of highland scots, men that wear skirts and no underwear inspite of the roughness of the wool,......lol. If you have a fondness for the Irish, perhaps you will have some knowledge of Highland men and their historical relationship with women?
My apologies to the board for being off topic.
Slainte,.......William John
The first couple would go out and party like a lot of people do. The wife around 11:00 p.m. would encourage the husband to go home saying she would catch a ride home later. After he left she would leave with someone she met at the bar/party and go have sex for two to three hours and then get home around three. The guy was a little slow but when he finally caught on that was the end.
The second was petty bad to sneak out and leave him with her kids and met her lovers. She was also doing guys at her work. When she had gotten caught the second time doing a guy in the file room he finally gave up.
It is just so hard to believe any woman who can have sex so easly can ever be trusted, even if you can get over her history, and a relationship without trust is no relationship at all.
I have to disagree with you...first off...why do you say any woman and not any man??? Are you saying men can be promiscuous and then monogomous and be trusted??? But not women??? If you are...thats a really messed up thing to say. And if you're not trying to imply that promiscuous women cannot be trusted while promiscuous men can...you might want to reword it before you get jumped.
As far as the concept in general...for promiscuous men or women...I think its wrong there are many people who don't think sex is a big deal but have no problem being monogomous when in a commited relationship. It just depends on the person. Granted a person who isn't promiscuous outside of committed relationships isn't likely AT ALL to be promiscuous in them. But a person who IS promiscuous outside a committed relationship isn't necessarily impossible to trust. Just depends on the person and there ability to commit, but to say that anyone who has casual sex can never commit to one person seems completely wrong and unfounded.
I figured as much. From your previous posts you are very fair and level headed and I highly doubted you would make such a sexist comment ;)
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To that degree I guess I can see your perspective, although I'm more of a 'that was in your past I am your future' kind of person. I know a lot of people who just don't view sex as a big deal, so right now (being experimental college students) they are completely open to casual sex, whereas they still understand committment and when it comes to that they would have no problem settling down and not cheating. To many of them, promiscuity is completely fine, but cheating is what constitutes sluts (male and female).
While I myself am not comfortable with casual sex (I am a virgin and HOPE to only have one sexual partner in my life), I have no problem with other people who do it, so long as they understand that cheating is not ok. I guess when it comes down to it I really only have a problem with the lying and dishonesty that comes with cheating...sex is a personal thing and everyone feels differently about it and to each their own. My own bf has had 11 sexual partners, and 24 OTHER people with whom he has "fooled around with" and thats at a pretty young age. But he has NEVER lied to me, and I trust him implicitly, so regardless of his past of casual sex I KNOW he will never cheat on me.
I mean if people choose to have an open marriage, can you argue thats wrong?? (Biblically perhaps yes, but with that you could argue A LOT of things are wrong) Not really, because both parties are ok with it. So in reality the problem with cheating is NOT the casual sex outside of your relationship its the lying and dishonesty involved. So it could be argued that it has nothing to do with a person being open to casual sex or not, but more to do with whether they are an honest person as to whether they can be trusted in marriage. Because a person open to casual sex may be very honest and committed and never cheat on their SO. Where as a dishonest person who is not open to sex without emotion could end up developing an emotional attachment to someone other than their SO and cheating on them anyway. Kind of elaborate examples but I think you get my drift.
Angel
I wish you the best in your decisions.
That being said, everyone who has had casual sex or a one night stand isn't untrustworthy. People who cheat are untrustworthy. I am 23, have had sex with 12 guys. I am engaged to a man who I have been with for 3 years. So 11 of those guys were between ages 16-20. He has probably had sex with 25-30ish. We are monogomous- completely monogomous. Neither of us would ever cheat, neither of us have ever cheated on a partner.
When I was in high school/early college I had a lot of wild random sex. I don't know why I did it but the fact remains that I did. I don't regret the experiences I have had and wouldn't change a thing. I don't think this is any indication of my capacity to love, my committment to my fiance, or my value of marriage.
We are both glad that we aren't two fumbling virgins. I wouldn't want someone who was inexperienced. He has said the same, that he is glad I have slept around a little, I know what's out there, so I am not going to be left wondering. Plus, we have great sex.
Sara
True, only in that it does not guarentee new experiences or lessons learned, but it is far more likely.
Any woman who can have casual sex does not automatically lose trust. Just like any man who can have casual sex doesn't. What they do lose however is the ability to have there partners feel special, and worth the hassle of being with them. I will always ask my partners, and if I get one that wont tell me, well, then we just wont have sex, or even continue a relationship beyond friendship. If they cannot tell me, they have something to hide. If I cannot handle there number, I will deal with it in my own way. But if that number is huge!!!!!! Sorry babe, I am not going to be just one of the crowd, for anyone. I'll be your friend, and we can be cool, but no sex, no relationship beyond friendship, and there is no question in my mind about that. It is hard enough trying to deal with the emotional feelings that are attributed to sex, and while I can turn them off, I don't like to, and will not be doing again. I am 29 years old, have an awesome partner who loves, supports, and completely satifies me sexually, and her number is low enough for me to handle. We all have sex, and we all enjoy sex at some point in our life. All I want from sex is to feel like I am someone special to the person I am with, and without that, I am not wanting it, needing it, or even really thinking about it.
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