Too many partners?
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Too many partners?
| Sat, 05-22-2004 - 10:41am |
Howdy. I'm so mad. Last night my bf of almost 2 mos. broke up with me. We were discussing exclusivity and he asked me how many people I had sex with. I told him 19. He said it won't work, and left. He's only been with 2 partners. How can he be jealous, that was my past.

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I get your point Jeep and I understand to some degree why you would not feel special having sex with someone who had many partners.
>>So to me, if you feel you are special to that person before you have sex, then you know having sex will be special to them.<<
What that means to me is that if I felt that person felt I was special to them, then I would not include there number in my desicion on dating them. And to a degree that is true. It would effect the way I looked at there number, but only because I would feel like they could seperate love and sex. Sex with them however would still lose much of it's power if they had a large number of casual partners before me. And that would end up causeing problems with us, later on down the road. So why bother? I don't think that people who engage in casual sex a large number of times is capable of finding anything special about sex, period. It is just the way I feel about it, and I may be wrong about some of them, but is sex is something that you want to give to just anyone that youa re attracted to, well, then your not for me. Sorry. Cannot do it, can't imagine it, and have a very hard time fathoming it. Once I am with someone I truly care about, if they want to do something further like threesomes, then we can discuss it, and figure out if it is something we really want to do. If we do, then fine, I already know where that persons heart, mind and soul belong, and then I am able to let them enjoy themselves with whomever, or whatever they are wanting. Once I know your heart is mine, your body can be shared, if you so desire. Otherwise, it is you and I for the rest of our lives, and no others. I am content to be with my SO and my SO only, or I am fine with being in a threesome with my SO. I am open to ideas and practices, and still closed in my ideals. I am strange that way. It is who I am now. All the pain, grief, love, joy, resentment, bitterness, anger, pleasure, and experiences have mad me this way, so I am what I am.
You see, I feel that that "specialness" is extended to the body as well. I feel my body is special and I hold it in high regard and want my DH to feel that way about it too, and vice-verse. This is why I can't fathom sharing it with anyone else. To me, sharing it, reduces that specialness, but that's just me, Jeep. To each his own.
I still don't see your logic, but I'm trying. You feel that it's immoral if a person is promiscuous or has sex outside of emotional attachment, but yet, you encourage that very behavior after you're with someone you're emotionally attached to. You see why I'm going crazy with this, Jeep?
Would you buy a car with 100,000 miles on it, or would get the one with 500 miles on it??? Just a matter of preference. Once you have that car, would you let anyone else ride in it??? Drive it?? I would prefer that car had less miles on it, so everyone I put on it is mine. I will allow others to drive it, occasionally, but that is just an occasional thing, and all the other miles on that car are mine. They stay special to me, because the only miles accrued on the car are mine, or of my choosing. That keeps the car my car, and not a used car that I take over for a while before I sell it. I would love to have a virgin, to train, and care for, but at the same time I want a little experience in there. My SO fits me perfectly, and I love that. So, I hope this helps a little. Yes, it is fun to drive the 100,000 mile car around the block, but for the long road trips, I want the lower milage.
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I can see your point Tish. I do not suffer from insecurities like that anymore. I have had issues similar to that before, but once I found my SO, I knew from the moment I saw her I was in love, and I know now how deep her love for me goes. I feel it, I see it, and I live it everyday. I know my ability to please her, and since the incounter, it has become much more apparent to me that I am what I think I am. An awesome lover to her. She has opened up so much in just the past few weeks that our sessions are far more intense, pleasurable, and exciting. Not that they weren't before, but the intensity seems much more apparent. If he is bigger than me, oh well, not worried about it. The guy we were with for our threesome is very good orally, but has a smaller penis. She commented on his talent a number of times, and it did not phaze me one bit. Now I did have an issue with her telling me she was thinking about him one time when I went down on her, but that was very short lived, as I realized that she was telling me, so that she could relax and enjoy herself, and I could move to something else, since she did not want his image in her head, she wanted mine. That was a simple thing that she did that made me see how wonderful she is. Just one of many things she does that show me her value. That is the problem at the moment with the FMF in my opinion. I know my SO is not as secure with my feelings for her as I am with hers for me. I have not always been a good man to her, and I have seen that, and work to change it. There have been times when I was ready to walk, or she was, and I even moved out at one time, for a few monthes, but even then I was unable to stay away from her, or her from me for long. When we have a threesome, it is to enhance what we already have. The other person is not our primary concern. We are. I know better than to think she will compare us. She has never met anyone like me, and sex with me has broken her records, memories, and expectations time and time again. Tute Tute. LOL But, because of how much she tutes my horn, I know she will not find another even close. Love is there when I am with her, whether alone, or with another. My touch is love, my kiss is love, everything I do to her is love. So, How could you expect that anyone else would even come close???? There is no way. Sex when it is sex alone is cool, but sex when there is love mixed is something words cannot describe!!!!
Personally, I'm very secure in my relationship with my DH. I've never doubted his love or strength of love for me in 26 years and have always trusted him 100%. However, I don't think it's beyond either one of us to become emotionally attached to someone else we might have sex with. I'm a realist, and as I stated once before, I know that there's always that possibility in our everyday encounters that sexual attraction, and possibly more, can happen, it's the law of nature. To actually push it, IMO, increases that risk and whatever sexual thrill just doesn't seem worth it. Oh, wait....a fleeting thought just came to me. tee hee Is the reason that you can pull this whole thing off and not have any insecurities about it because of the way you feel about people who have promiscuous sex? You said in many posts in this thread that YOU COULD NEVER be with someone who enjoyed casual sex(even though you are yourself doing just that )? I'm determined and stubborn as you can see to try and understand this whole threesome thing. lol
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