Too Small For Me

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2004
Too Small For Me
69
Wed, 06-30-2004 - 11:19am
The man I am living with and have recently became enagaged... Has a small penis, that I can not feel during intercourse. And I am bacoming physically unattracted to him, because of this issue.

The physical side of a realationship is important to me. Unfortunately this is missing. Everything else in the relationship is fine. But I feel this is a major concern.

Any suggestions?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2003
Wed, 06-30-2004 - 12:24pm
Well...although I love my DH's penis, it's not what turns me on. It's him that turns me on. So I would do fine with a man with a small penis as long as he loved me and I loved him. I can only say that I get off many times with him just using his fingers, so I can imagine that a small penis would do the same. Perhaps you're not aroused enough because of all of this thinking about his penis NOT being up to your standards. You can also go to this link http://the-clitoris.com/f_html/fr_index.htm (click on "orgasm" on the left side), and see that when a woman is very aroused, her lower third of her vagina will close in. Also scroll down to the third graphic(the four stages of orgasm) and click to enlarge. See how all of the walls of the vagina become engorged with blood, which causes the vagina to become more sensitive. Look under the second pic titled "Plateau" and where it shows the "orgasmic platform." See how thick it is?

In any event, for me anyhow, arousal isn't about his penis. How long has this been going on? Did you feel this unattraction from day one of having sex with him?


Edited 6/30/2004 12:32 pm ET ET by free_to_choose

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2004
Wed, 06-30-2004 - 12:28pm
No advise, but, want to hear your responses. My DH has the same problem. He is wonderful to me and my kids in every way and I wasnt going to let
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2004
Wed, 06-30-2004 - 12:39pm
I had an ex-boyfriend who was very small and I could barely feel him. It bothered me too. He was very talented in oral and fingering though, so he focused more on those things, but ultimately, in the end, I ended the relationship. (There were other issues mind you), but that was high on the list, I'm afraid.

Other than oral, fingering and using big ol dildo's (which to me are fun and great, but I want them in ADDITION to my man), I don't know what advice to give you. Unfortunately there is no way to pump those things up!

I guess it will boil down to whether you truly love him and can accept this.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2004
Wed, 06-30-2004 - 12:50pm
Yes but free - if she can barely feel his penis or not at all, that is really a drag. I agree with getting off more often and even better with hubby's fingers and oral, but lets face it, there are times when every girl just wants her man inside her and feeling his manlihood. Not being able to feel much or nothing at all IS a let down and turn off. The guy I was with - even giving him a hand job or oral - I mean, it was just not as much of a turn on as with a man who has a normal size penis or bigger. There are some really small ones out there (and I'm not putting those men down) but most women definitely want to "feel" it in them. JMHO.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2003
Wed, 06-30-2004 - 1:12pm
Tiana, it would still be a NON-issue for me. If you love someone, you love all of them. Even a man with a large penis, may eventually lose penile function(experience ED), then what?

I mentioned the using of fingers as an example of how small of an object I can "feel," not as an "in lieu of." We were talking strictly about intercourse.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2004
Wed, 06-30-2004 - 1:18pm
Hard to say, I've never been with a guy who has lost his ability to get hard. The subject is her not being able to "feel" her man inside her, so yes, we are talking about intercourse. ??? I didn't get your last statement.

Sexual fulfillment in a relationship, as you know, is really important. To some, it can be a make or break deal. I just don't like for people to make her out to seem shallow when it is definitely a legit issue for her.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2003
Wed, 06-30-2004 - 1:41pm
Tee hee. In 26 years being with the same man, I can attest that as large as he is, there's been times that I didn't feel him. Too much sauce in the mix. Even if I could never experience intercourse again, I'd not be less fulfilled sexually. Not because I wouldn't miss or even crave intercourse, but because making the man I love happy is more important. Showing him that I'm sexually fulfilled and turned on despite his size or functionality. I guess what I'm trying to say, is no, sexual fulfillment is only a part of our relationship, it's not "the relationship."

So, for me(not necessarily anyone else), I view it as shallow to judge a man by the size of his penis.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2004
Wed, 06-30-2004 - 1:49pm
Very good Free. It is extremely shallow to judge a man strickly for the size of his package. If you love someone, you love them, regardless of there genetalia. What if a guy was to tell her she was to loose? How would she feel? Or dumped her cause her breasts weren't the right size? There are things you can do with smaller guys to make them more, noticable. Try outercourse. Rubbing the penis across the Clitoris, rather than trying intercourse. Also, look for sleeves, or other apparatus to assist. If you love this guy, and from what you said so far you do, then love him, and don't love him for his penis. It has got to be hard for him, just simply because he knows better than anyone else how hard it is to be so little. Use every effort to keep him from feeling the shallowness that you may or may not be capable of. I truely hope that you give these ideas a try before you decide to leave. You do need to sit down and talk to him about it though, and see if there is anything you can come up with together.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Wed, 06-30-2004 - 2:14pm
I agree with Jeep and Free on this.

bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2004
Wed, 06-30-2004 - 2:14pm
I don't think the OP is judging him strictly on his penis size. She said she loves him and is engaged to him, but that the "not feeling" him inside her is affecting her - physically, and rightfully so, IMHO.

I'm sure the OP will make the right choice for her.

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