Too Small For Me

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2004
Too Small For Me
69
Wed, 06-30-2004 - 11:19am
The man I am living with and have recently became enagaged... Has a small penis, that I can not feel during intercourse. And I am bacoming physically unattracted to him, because of this issue.

The physical side of a realationship is important to me. Unfortunately this is missing. Everything else in the relationship is fine. But I feel this is a major concern.

Any suggestions?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2004
Wed, 06-30-2004 - 7:19pm
She said nothing at all about leaving him. She asked for advice on how to proceed with this problem. I was agreeing with Jeff that it doesn't sound shallow, but I was not saying I thought anyone here is preachy.

>>So dropping someone for something they can't change, after becoming HEAVILY emotionally invested is not shallow?<<

No, it's not. If she dumped him after the first time she saw his small penis I would say that is shallow. But she stayed to work it out, how is that shallow? My guess, is that she stayed because she liked him and figured that she may be able to work around this and hadn't expected the feelings she has now. In her post she says those feelings had built up.

>>How do you even break up. Do you make something up?<<<<

Yes, if it came down to needing to break up because of the problem I probably would make something up to spare the guy's feelings. The next woman may be more compatible, so why hurt him over it.

Leticia

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2004
Wed, 06-30-2004 - 7:25pm

I wanted to chime in because my BF has a small penis.


Firstly, if you're still around.....is this a problem that you are having more so now? Or was it always a problem?


Second, if it has ALWAYS been a problem, why would you get engaged?


If it's been recent, what else is going on in your r'ship that could be affecting that part?


I know when bf and I were having it rough (not sex, our r'ship), sex with him was downright wrong. I hated it. I hated his small penis. I hated it all. But when our r'ship is really good, sex is good.


BTW, I had to seriously sit down and DECIDE if I wanted to stay with him. He talked a BIG game about his mouth, his hands, and his sex life. I was disappointed in ALL areas. Mouth, bleah. Needs to learn. Hands, whatevers. He thinks using one finger is goig to get me off. Sex? As much as he talked about his xgf wanting him all the time, I figured he was at least average. Guess not (btw, for anyone reading, we were friends first and all this was spoken AS friends never thinking we'd date).


Now. I know when it's really wet I can't feel him. Usually, I will wipe down and find a different position (me on top). On poster suggested keeping your legs closed. That doesn't really work with a small penis unless you're really thin (i'm not and my thighs or butt gets in the way and he can't get in very far).


All in all. If this has always been a problem, and sex is important to you, it's time to step up to the plate and leave him. If it's now a problem, then think about what was good before. Have you tried kegals? That helped me a LOT!


I'm with you. Sex is VERY important to me. And it has nothing to do with the emotional side of it. If my bf couldn't change his M.O. regarding sex, I would've left him long ago. How can you love someone fully, if you don't find them attractive and instead are repulsed by them? You can't. Don't think you're shallow. You're not. There are MANY great guys out there with larger penis's that will love you just as much. Don't let anyone here tell you that you're shallow. Do NOT settle for less than what you find sexual and attractive.


If I felt the way you do. I'd have to reconsider the r'ship and engagement. I know I did with my bf. I don't think it was bad. And you're not a bad person.


To all the posters asking if it's shallow to leave someone because of their physical body, get real. EVERYONE judges a body, and EVERYONE makes a choice if they can live with it or not. Penis's, vagina's, breasts', eyes', hair, nose, teeth, mouth, face, size, height, color, proportions, muscles, feet, nails, ALL OF IT. We are a world of eyes. We judge. So, if she doesn't want to be with this man cuz of his size.....then so be it. Better to be with a man who satisfies her, than with a man that doesn't and she eventually cheats.


iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2003
Wed, 06-30-2004 - 7:42pm
"Yes, if it came down to needing to break up because of the problem I probably would make something up to spare the guy's feelings. The next woman may be more compatible, so why hurt him over it."

....and what if ALL women perceived his penis as a defect. Don't you think that he would figure it out eventually? Why all these women leave him for no apparent good reason. Luckily, that's not the case.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2004
Wed, 06-30-2004 - 7:54pm
>>....and what if ALL women perceived his penis as a defect. Don't you think that he would figure it out eventually? Why all these women leave him for no apparent good reason. Luckily, that's not the case.<<

If it was that much of a problem, he would already know. And it's only a matter of opinion that it's no good reason. Some don't care if they stick to manual or oral, while others need stimulation from a penis. There is nothing wrong with needing that to enjoy sex. This is my opinion, why are you arguing with my opinion?

Leticia

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2004
Wed, 06-30-2004 - 8:07pm
I think that's an entirely different situation then. That would be some type of medical condition that perhaps with the right medications or "with time" could repair itself. Having a small one - there is nothing you can do about that.

I'm out of this though - these threads become arguments between every poster but the OP. She is probably long gone feeling like - no help here, just arguments and debates over my issue. Has anyone noticed, she hasn't even posted since her first post here? I think she should take it to a friendlier sex board where she will feel welcomed, not argued around.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2004
Wed, 06-30-2004 - 8:15pm
.

Completely agree with you. Nice post.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2003
Wed, 06-30-2004 - 8:16pm
Were we arguing? I thought it was a discussion, and a few clarifications.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Wed, 06-30-2004 - 8:48pm

I disagree with you on "everyone judges people by looks".


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2004
Wed, 06-30-2004 - 8:55pm
>>Were we arguing? I thought it was a discussion, and a few clarifications.<<

We? No. You? I think so. What kind of clarification? Seemed more like off topic nit picking to me.

Leticia

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2003
Wed, 06-30-2004 - 9:02pm
I asked you to clarify your position: "So dropping someone for something they can't change, after becoming HEAVILY emotionally invested is not shallow?"

I don't think any of it was off-topic at all. I guess it's all in how you interpret her OP, including her title.


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